SPEAKER_02 0:00

Here comes a sun do. Here comes a sun that says it's all right.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Hello, fortitude audience. Thank you so much for joining us today. My name is Heather Kittleson, and I am sitting next to my wonderful husband, Amos. Hi. And we took a little bit of a hiatus, which, if you listen to the episode before this, we share a little bit about what we've been up to this past summer. And we are kicking off a new season, season four. And today in our studio, we have a dear friend Chantel with us. So thank you for being here. It's really awesome to see you. Thanks for having me. You're so fun. Chantel pulled up in a vehicle that looks like a B, like literally B-E-E, a bumblebee, because of the organization that she founded and is running for suicide prevention and awareness. And I couldn't, I just stood there and stared at this vehicle because I was like, dude, this is so fun. You talk about awareness. If I pulled up next to that thing, I might get into an accident.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

You well, it's hopefully not what we want to happen, but it's you can't miss it. No. And it has the message on it be here tomorrow. So B-E-E, be here tomorrow. So if somebody just needs that, you know, a lot of people just look for signs. They do. And you can't miss that sign.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

So I I, as your friend, I am so proud of you for the organization that you have built from the ground up. I uh Chantel and I met many years ago through a mutual friend of ours, uh Christy Lloyd Ernst, just a another beautiful soul in the area. And she said, you know, Heather, you need to meet my neighbor. Is that correct? Or like you guys live by each other. And we got together and had lunch, and we haven't left each other's side since then. And the organization that Chantel runs, we're gonna get into a little bit in the why. In the why this was on your heart. But if you can tell us who you are, just a little bit about today, your family, and this question's always hard for me.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Um, who am I? I am a wife. I've been married for I always have to do the math. Um, 23 years, um, and we have four children. Um, they are 22 down to 16, so three girls and a boy. Um, so I've spent the last 20 years mommin and being a wife.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Moming.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Moming, and I mean, because that just sums it all up. You were a nurse. I was a nurse before that, and then um worked as a nurse for a few years and then decided I wanted to just stay home and raise the kids. Um, with my husband working, I just decided that's what I wanted to do. So I stayed home with the kids. But then, of course, as I got older, um, I needed I needed something else to do, but I didn't know exactly what that was gonna be. Right. Um, and God said this is what you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Big plans. Like the This is what you're gonna do. What you're doing is changing so many lives. Um thank you for sharing that. You you have a beautiful family, and your husband is also doing some really incredible things in the medical field. And so just thank you both for your service and what you guys do to give back. Um I want to jump in right away because suicide prevention and awareness is is uh like big right now. It's it's all over the place, and it is technically September is the month for that. Suicide suicide prevention month is September, yeah. Yes. Um you have experienced this firsthand. And before you experienced that, you also experienced like you've had death in your family. And for you and the experience that you've gone through, I would be honored if you could share your stories with her, with our audience.

unknown 4:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

So should I start back? Start with my sister B. Yes, please do. So I was a senior in high school and my sister was a student at USD. Um, she was driving back um on Halloween night. Um, she was a student athletic athletic trainer, and she was insistent that she needed to get back to wrap ankles of some athletes. Um, it had started to miss that night. Um, my parents, my dad's last words to her were watch out for the deer. Um, she left, and when she was um had just gone through Akron, Iowa. So she wasn't far from her destination in Vermillion, and she hit a deer. And so um, this was back in '97. So we didn't have airbags on our cars. We didn't have cell phones. Um, so she hit a deer and then was T-boned on the passenger side by a full-size pickup that was pulling a combine head. Um, and she died. Um, she was life lighted to Sioux City, um, where we were able, they kept her on life support for a few hours just long enough for her family to get there. Um, long enough for us to get there, for the donor team to get there, um, and we to say our goodbyes. And so she did die um, it was right before her 21st birthday, and I was a senior in high school. And then we also have a brother who's stuck in between the middle of us. Um, and so they waited long enough to find the family because we were all out and about and there were no cell phones to find us, locate us, get us there to be together. What was that moment like for you, Chantel? Like, where were you when you got that call? I was sitting at a small place in Cherokee having ice cream with two of my friends. It was a Friday night. We were having ice cream, and then all of a sudden, one of our friends, um, the mom showed up and she said, Come on, we need to go. And it was, you know, very odd that this happened. Um, and she just said, Your sister's been in an accident. Um, your parents have called me, and we need to go to Sioux City. And all I kept thinking in my mind was, I just hope she's not paralyzed. Cause in my small town of Cherokee, Iowa, there had been a couple of accidents in the previous 10 years where there were a couple of people that were paralyzed. And so that was very much on my mind. And so that's all I kept thinking is, I just hope she's not paralyzed. She's a very active person. Um, and that would be really hard. So um, the mom that was driving me up there, and she drove me up with our my two friends, one's a cousin, and we drove up there and just kind of distracted us for that hour drive. Um, and I kept going back to, well, what do you know about the accident? What do you know about her? And she just kept changing, changing the conversation. And she's like, Well, I don't really know any details. We'll find out when we get there. But then right when I walked in, um, I heard my dad wailing, crying, because they had just gotten the news that there was nothing they could do. Um, and uh, we're asking about organ donation. And I just remember my dad saying, What do you mean, her organs? She needs her organs. And so then we were just there for a couple of hours with her and we were able to go in and say our goodbyes. Um, and it was awful. I didn't want to go in and see her. Um, we had an amazing nurse. Um, her name's Deb Erlemeyer. Um, didn't know her before that night, but she gave my sister the most beautiful care and she cared for our family. Um, it was amazing. And so it was that night in the hospital. I didn't know what I was gonna do, you know, or where I was gonna go to school, what I wanted to do. And after I left that night, I said, Mom, I want to do what she does. I want to be a nurse, I want to help people. And so then I decided that night I wanted to be a nurse. So then when I graduated from high school, I went to nursing school. Because of Deb. Because of Deb. And I would love to reconnect with Deb. Oh, Deb, if you're out there, reach out. I'll connect. Yeah. And she actually did something. I mean, there was a lot of stories that night. Um, but before I left that night, she said, Um, I have something at my wall, on my wall at home that I'd love to send you. It's a little banged up, but I can't get this image out of my head. And so I'm like, absolutely, gave her my address. She sent it to me, and it was just a small, simple framed print of Jesus holding a blonde girl with the Bible verse, I will not fail thee. And so she mailed it to me, and it's still in my office, and I look at it every day, and she sent me the nicest letter, and it was because of her I decided to go to nursing school.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

Nurses.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

They're amazing. I think I have there's there's several stories on our podcast, and one of the speakers from the event who spoke speci specifically about her son who was a senior, you remember and lost his his his sister to an accident? And what is something that you can tell the audience when because the mourning process is a lot. And for those of us who don't necessarily know how to step in or how to help in those moments, especially when you're younger like that and you don't understand the emotions that you're going through. What is what is something that we can can do or say or move in into a space that feels so uncomfortable to be able to love on? Like Deb loved on you. She did what she felt was the right thing to do, like what she felt like God called her to do. Um what did you need beyond that, beyond what Deb did for you?

SPEAKER_00 9:58

Of course, it's different for me now as an adult as what it was when I was in high school. But we got home that morning, um, about four o'clock in the morning, and two hours later, we had people at our house doing laundry, making coffee. Um, they knew there was gonna be people showing up. That's small town Iowa for you. I don't know if that's how it is everywhere, but I just remember being just surrounded by so much love. So many people came. I remember everybody brought styrofoam cups and um toilet paper because I don't know, that's just what they did. And there was there there were so many meat and cheese trays delivered that my mom had to finally call Heidi and say, please stop sending them because there's an abundance of love and support and people coming. Um, but yet they were also very good that like if I needed to go to my room and just get away from people, I would do that, and people would just let me be. But that was um horrible. I always felt like my sister, oldest child, was the favorite child, and I was very open about it with my parents. And um, the night we buried, the day we buried my sister, I remember my dad just coming down the stairs and um just came into the room I was in just crying. And he said, I know, I know you say that she's the favorite child, but I love you all so much. And I just don't want ever you to ever think that we love you any less. And my I mean, my parents were very broken. Um, but they stayed together and loved each other through it and had a lot of support in losing her.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

What do you what do you attribute to them staying together and what do they do really well to help you guys through this?

SPEAKER_00 11:35

Their faith. 100% their faith. Um a lot of prayer, a lot of um, my dad would always say, we don't know why this has happened, um, but it's happened for a reason. And I would go back to, well, why didn't God take somebody who didn't have such a big impact on our community? Because my sister was just this bright light wherever she went. Um, of course, as the younger sister, um, we didn't always get along. But why would God take somebody like her that just had was this amazing ray of sunshine?

SPEAKER_02 12:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

She actually they did a newspaper article that was uh California sunshine, because we moved from California and she was just this walking sunshine wherever she went. And um my dad said, you know what? We don't know, and we may never know, but there's a reason behind this. Yeah, there's a reason why he decided he needed her at this moment. And here, I mean, that will always stick out to me that how my dad he had just lost his child, how he could say that right away, and it was 100% because of his faith.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Your dad sounds amazing. And the second part of the story, how many years later was it when because even though your dad you and I have had many conversations, he was a tall man, big hands. Tell tell us, tell us about your dad.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Um, so my dad, very, very strong man, mentally, physically, spiritually. He was the man that everybody came to because he had the answers. And he was very proud to he knew everything, um, whether he was on the rodeo board, the church board, the school board, um, was always a leader in his job, um, was really just a leader wherever he went. And everybody came to him and he had the answers. If he didn't have the answers, he would figure it out. And he was very much a hands-on person that if something needed to be fixed, he would fix it. That being said, my dad was also um, he put a lot of time into his job. Um, he very high priority was to take care of his family. Um, and so he worked a lot of hours. So looking back, I don't feel like I maybe had as much time as I should have as a child with him. But um, every moment I did have with him, I just it was every moment was filled with we were always doing something, even if it was just outside raking up stuff or having to burn pile or something like that. Just any time I spent with him was, I mean, very simple memories, but very good memories. Yeah, hanging out. Yeah, hanging out, getting your hands dirty. And he would always say, I don't care if you're a girl, it's okay to sweat, it's okay to get dirty. It's you're not gonna break, you're not gonna melt.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

Not gonna melt.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

You're not gonna melt.

SPEAKER_03 14:26

That's reassuring.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Yeah. I do love that about Amos because he'll say, I can't go play Barbies, but I'll go build something with them. Like, just it's just different. I'll go build rockets and shoot off rockets with them.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

I can take Barbies for a couple minutes and I just I don't know. I'm just grown man.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Let's go use our kids.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Yeah, let's go, let's go do something we can both really enjoy.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Um we always said my parents had a very 1950s relationship. Um, they had different ways of saying it, but I won't share it now. Um, but there was very much male roles and female roles, and they would be very open to say, um, that's your mom's job, that's my job, mom doesn't do that, I do that. Um, so I grew up very hard-lined between male and female. But that being said, my mom, as I got older, she would also say things like, you don't ask a man to do something for you if you can do it yourself. You don't ask somebody else, don't you don't want to be weak. If you can do something, do it. Don't ask somebody else to do something that you're capable of doing.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

And Chantel, you are one of the strongest people I've ever met. Like just mentally, emotionally, spiritually, what you do for people, how you step into things that other people would never step into, probably. It's so it what you you what what was ingrained in you is what you do. It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

Um what what you said it was 97? 97 was her accident. And then 20 years later, so Okay, it was 20 years later. 20 years later, 2017. Okay, um, there was a lot of tragedy happening that year in our family, um, and in our extended family, um, as broad as just to keep it broad, um lost a relative to addiction. Um there were some other struggles within our family um with um drugs and alcohol. And this is was I grew up in a very straight-laced home. Um, there was no drinking. There was um, we weren't even allowed to dance around my grandparents. If my grandparents would come up the driveway and we were playing Solitaire Keeks Corner, we had to hide the cards because they call them devil cards. Okay. Um, so grew up very um, very straight-laced family. And then in 2017, things just started crumbling. Um, and then it um falls always hard for our family because that's when her accident was. And so it just the smells in the air would just always be a little trickier. So 20 years out, you would think things are going pretty good. Well, then um my dad went to um, he was called up to Sioux Falls. He had a cousin that was um, his child was in a car accident and was on life support. And he called my dad because he said, Well, I know you walked this road and I just feel lost. Will you just come sit with me in the ICU? So my dad came up and sat with him in the ICU and didn't know his son. Um, but just being in that facility, being around the noises and the environment with it being fallout. Um, I'm not gonna say it was the start of his spiral, but it triggered something. It triggered something. And so then when it was her, the 20th anniversary of her death, one of those things, you know, you're 20 years out. I always check in with my parents. Um, and for whatever reason, I called my dad that day and I was like, Dad, how are you doing today? And he was like, today is really hard. And I said, you know, dad, I was thinking the same thing. I called my mom. She said the exact same thing. She said, and I don't know why it's hitting us so hard, but something about 20, like, what would she be doing? What would she be, you know, would she have a family? Would she be working? She always, you know, she would say she wanted to be a nurse. Um, what would she be doing? And so we just, and for some reason, that 20th anniversary just hit really hard. And then um there was still a lot of family stuff happening um in our extended family. And then um December Christmas Day, I went home and I walked in and I saw my dad sitting down doing a jigsaw puzzle, which to many people means nothing. Um, but my dad was always the hard worker that he wouldn't be caught in the same room as a jigsaw puzzle because he said it was just a complete waste of time. We did that all the time growing up. And he was like, This is such a I get a lot better things to do with my time. But I walked in and he was sitting working on this, we'll call it a 500-piece puzzle. And I walked in, we had a very sarcastic relationship. And I walked in, I go, geez, dad, are you okay? Never once have I seen you working on a puzzle. Are you okay? And he looks at me and he goes, actually, I'm not. And so I knew things got serious fast. I sat down, I talked with him as we were working on the puzzle. And I just said, Dad, what's going on? And he's like, Well, I've been wanting to talk to you, but I keep thinking it's going to get better. He said, But I think I just wanted to pick your brain. I think I need to go see the doctor tomorrow. I said, Okay, it was Christmas, so holiday, everything's closed. He said, I'm just struggling to sleep with everything that's happening in our family. And I think I may need to go to the doctor tomorrow. Um, what do you think about that? And I said, Dad, you absolutely need to go tomorrow. I'm happy to go with you. Do we need to go today? No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm just struggling to sleep. So I said, Dad, things are gonna be getting worse before they get better. Um, we had two grandparents that were terminally terminally ill that he was very close with. And I said, things are gonna be getting worse. We need to make sure you're sleeping. So we went to the doctor the next day, um, got put on something to help him sleep, um, anti-anxiety, antidepressant. My dad, there was always a long-running joke that my dad was very sensitive to medication. Um, the joke was if he um he needed to be in bed when he took the lid off of the Tylenol PM because he would be sleeping before he even ingested it. He was just super sensitive. And for a man that's 6'5, it was it was always a running joke. So he starts this antidepressant and very low dose, very low dose and sleeping medication. And then a week later he called me um to let me know that he once again needed help. And my dad has never asked me for help a day in his life, and here I am, the youngest child. And how old, how how old are you at this time? And like, what is your home kids? Um, so I was 37 at the time. It was the last day of Christmas vacation. So my kids were all home and just wound up and needed to get back to school. And my dad called me one day and said, Hey, are you on speakerphone? Because that was always the question. And I said, No, I'm not on speakerphone. He said, Okay, you need to go to a room so we can talk. And then he said, Um, Chantel, I I I just about shot myself. And I go, Dad, what were you doing? In no sense in my mind did I think it was serious. My dad was always on the farm, always had a gun with him. And I said, What were you what were you doing now? Oh, like an accident. Thinking it was, you know, I put a gun in the four-wheeler and forgot it was there. And he said, No, I've been standing outside for an over an over an hour with a gun to my head. I just chantel, I don't want to be here anymore. But I know I need to get help. Um, every time I close my eyes, I see my grandkids. But then I open my eyes and I hear somebody yelling, Judas. I feel like I'm betraying God. And I know it's not right. I really need help. Can you please? What do I do? I was the nurse, so they called me.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Um, and I was stunned, needless to say. Um, never in a million years would it have been a phone call I would have ever thought I would have gotten from my dad. And um so I just made sure he was safe. My mom was with him. Um, and then I I called my husband, my husband's an ER doctor, and I knew he'd have the answers because he deals with this every day. So I called him, he was in a meeting, said I can't chat. I said, Well, you have to call me in its emergency, which I've absolutely never done. And so he called me and he just so happened to be in a meeting with the head of psychiatry, and he said, I'll talk to him, um, I'll give you a call back. So they called me. Um the doctor was amazing, Dr. Matt Stanley. And he got my dad directly admitted to behavioral health. I met my dad in the um parking lot that night, and I just gave him a big hug and bawling. My dad was very flat and I was a wreck. And I just said, Dad, I'm just so glad you're here getting help and that we're not planning your funeral. And so then he was in the hospital for about a week. We felt like things were getting better. Of course, not perfect, but he said he was felt safe going home. Um, we had done everything we could to get lethal means out of the house. Um, we had gotten all the guns out of the house. They were safely at my grandpa's house, so we thought. And then um, two months after I got the phone call that my dad had taken his life. So it was February 24th. Um, I got the phone call from my mom at six o'clock in the morning. She had been up to the hospital to see her mother, who was in the hospital, and she came back and found my dad. Um, about the week before he um had started to struggle more. He was hallucinating. He was making comments around town about the feds coming for him, and all of it was completely unfounded. But he was very sick. Um, but because of some of those things he said, people thought he was hiding something. So here's the most honest man that is hiding a big secret, but he wasn't, he there was nothing he was hiding. It was just, it was mental illness and it was um those untrue thoughts overtaking his head. And medication.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

Medication was triggering it a bit too.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

And we'll never know, we'll never know what happened. It could have been a lot of things. Um, but he did end up taking his life and um to see how we were treated after my sister died and her tragedy, and then to see how after my dad died and his tragedy were very different. Yes, we had some very close people that came to the house and brought the styrofoam cups and brought the Kleenex and brought the food. Um, but then a cup, you know, about a week later, then the question started coming. You know, he went around town saying the feds were coming for him. And so people thought there was something to it. And they started, you know, have you gone through your bank statements? Have you he wouldn't just say that for no reason, but he was very, he was sick. He was very sick. And there were um, I was maybe it was a few months after that, I ran into one of my dad's cousins here in Sioux Falls at a restaurant, and she said, Well, you know, some time has passed, so now I just really have to ask, what really happened? And I said, Well, what do you mean what happened? And she said, Well, was your dad having an affair? And I go, Oh my goodness, no, no. Wow. And she said, Was he in financial, legal problems? I said, No, there was nothing like that. We had stuff going on in our family, but nothing illegal. Right, right, whereas he was concerned. And she goes, Well, I don't know, I just can't wrap my head around it because people don't just kill themselves. People don't just, you know, do this just because they're mentally ill. I just don't believe that. And I just said, Well, I'm really sorry you don't believe that. But that was completely what happened with my dad. He was guilty of nothing but mental illness that very quickly brought him down.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Wow, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. That is people can say some tough stuff.

SPEAKER_03 26:15

Yeah. Is there a conversation to be had about repression of situations and mental illness? Is there a correlation there?

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Repression, you mean with losing my sister?

SPEAKER_03 26:27

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Um, yeah, my parents were very good with um speaking with their pastor. And um, I don't think they ever did any sort of grief group. They really felt like they didn't need it. They had each other. Um, but I absolutely, you know, and after losing him and then going through a lot of therapy myself and asking questions to the psychiatrist, I really feel like my dad did have some very well-controlled anxiety his entire life. Um, for him, it manifested with anger. So it was always Sundays and holidays. Um, he would just get real uptight and kind of be hard to be around. And so it was always a joke. Well, it's Sunday or it's a holiday. Um, but then it was after he died, and I started realizing that I was the same way. Mine wasn't Sundays and holidays, but mine was tense situations. I just got mad and I just this overcoming anxiety that would come and mine manifested in anger. And so I was talking to my psychiatrist, psychologist about that, um, because I started seeing both about six months after my dad died. Yeah. Because um, after dad died, I didn't want to be here anymore. We had a lot of really horrible things happening and within our family, accusations because of my dad's death, and because a lot of things happening surrounding that.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

What's the difference between the two? Psychiatrist and psychologist?

SPEAKER_00 27:50

So a psychiatrist is a medical doctor. They've been through medical school, they can prescribe prescribe medications. A psychologist, she has her doctorate in psychology. So she's not an MD, but did extensive training and is my therapist.

unknown 28:06

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

I mean, there's a lot of different titles, and I would, you know, therapist, counselor. Um, but I really was gifted with two of the best, and I 100% credit them for saving my life. But with my dad, um, I should rewind with my dad. I we when he died, I really felt like the medical system or the mental health system had failed us, that they didn't do enough, that um there was a lot that was broken within the system. There was more we could have done. We, my husband and I felt like we were doing everything we possibly could with all the resources and um still still felt like we failed him. Um, and so that was a big part of my depression that I had afterwards. Um, and so I one day I said to my husband, I need help. Um I I really have no faith in the mental health system, but I gotta try something because my dad's pain didn't end that day. He gave his pain to us.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

And he also gave it to my children. And that's something he would never want. And that was also something that I would never want to do as well. And so I said, I need to try doing something, I need to get help. Um, and so I was able to do all outpatient therapies, very extensive. Um, a lot of time spent with the psychiatrist, psychologist going through everything I had been through in my life. Yeah. Um, worked through a lot of really dark stuff and um feel much better because of it.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

Wow. Good job doing the work. Like so, so proud of you because that there's there's a lot of shame and a lot of the stuff that we deal with and don't want to go back to.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

It's so hard. I know the first couple of times I went to therapy and I went home and I'd say to my husband, because going to psychiatrist, I was an hour with her, and she would we'd talk about feelings and we would talk about all of that stuff too. But then I would also see the psychologist. So two hours back to back, just deep stuff. And I would go home and I'd say to my husband, I just feel worse. This is not helping. And I would mention that to the psychiatrist, and she's like, Yeah, the first couple of times are really hard and it will feel worse before it gets better, but just stick with it.

SPEAKER_03 30:15

Do you ever feel like the work is done? And so, oh, I don't have to go weekly now. I can, I can stop. Or it feels to get redundant or you're not making a lot of progress, and so you want to quit. Do you ever feel like that?

SPEAKER_00 30:28

No, now it's very much I check in every six months with both of them. Okay. Um, but I have learned the psychologist. I asked her at one of my recent appointments, I said, How much longer do I need to come in? How much like I feel so much better now. How much longer do we need to keep doing this?

SPEAKER_03 30:42

That's a great question.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

And because I'm a planner and I want to know, like with the psychiatrist, how much longer am I going to be on these meds? What's the plan? And she said, You will probably need to be on something medication-wise, your entire life. Just because that's the way it is with you. Um, my psychologist said, I'm never gonna tell you when you have to come in. You'll know when you need to come in to talk to me. But if ever your mind is telling you things that you know isn't true. Um, but if you just need someone to talk to, I you just know that I'm always here. Um, and then she also shared with me something very powerful. I said, I just feel weak for being here. And she said, absolutely everybody should go see a therapist, a counselor at least once a year, somebody to check in with. She said, get all that dirty stuff that might be off your head, your chest, just get it out there because it's so therapeutic to just get it off your chest. She said, and a lot of times, you know, we talk to ourselves and we say very negative things to ourselves. So you just got to get it out there, let somebody else know about it so that they can give you the positive feedback that your brain probably isn't giving you. And so she said, she I have met since met a lot of therapists, counselors that they themselves go to counseling. And I firmly believe that everybody should go see somebody.

SPEAKER_03 32:04

Yeah, that's good. Do you mind sharing how many times you went? Oh, I ten dozens.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

I have no idea how many times. For a while I was going twice a week.

unknown 32:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Um, very intense. Um, and then, you know, weaned off once a week and then every other week. And I don't even I don't have any idea.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

Yeah. I guess the the root of my question really comes from those who are struggling. They're thinking about counseling and and thinking about, oh, I can go once or twice and I'll be good. But maybe that expectation needs to be reset. Maybe they will go a couple of times. Yeah. But maybe they really need to think long term and think, oh, this is a year or multi-year or you know, continuing. And and when they get to the point where it's like, well, I don't feel like this is helping, you still need to go. Then that what you asked, that question was really great. How many, how much longer do I have to do this?

SPEAKER_00 32:51

And if you're thinking those questions, just ask your counselor, ask whoever, figure out what their game plan is. Um, it was not the first counselor I had ever been to in my life. Um, but it was absolutely the best connection I had ever had with one. Yeah. And so that was one thing that I've learned in starting my nonprofit and talking to people with um, if you don't connect with somebody, go see somebody else. If you don't connect with them, go see somebody else. It takes a couple of times to kind of really get into the thick of things, but yeah, just don't give up. Do not give up, just keep going.

SPEAKER_03 33:20

The human psyche is so deep. And I look at it and go, you may hit layers one, two, three, and four the first few times, and then you just reach this plateau. Well, you've still got six layers to get to. And if you stop going, you'll never reach those other six levels. And you may hit a yeah, you may hit a plateau for a month or two and you want to quit, but then you keep going and you find the right counselor, you'll get to five and then six and seven, you'll really get to those deeper issues. So my encouragement is just like you said, keep going, ask those questions.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

And it therapy is expensive. It's there's there's no other way around it. But for me, it was very much um I I will go to the ends of the earth because my kids need me here. Yeah. It's a lot cheaper for me to go to therapy than to not have my kids not have my kids have a mom.

SPEAKER_03 34:07

Yeah, so true.

unknown 34:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

So in therapy, and when all those very, I mean, it was a couple of years in. Um, well, 2018. It was four years in, I was feeling much better. And I wanted to do something. I wanted to improve upon the mental health system, but I had no idea what that was going to be or how I was possibly gonna do that on my own. Um, and so with the um help of my therapist, um, we came up with the idea. Um, she said, why don't journaling was a big part of my dad's story, and then which became a big part of my story. And so she said, you know, maybe you just journal, um, donate some journals back to patients at behavioral health. And I said, I would really like that. I I I'm very that's my love language. I love giving things, I love giving meaningful things. And so I said, Why don't I just get some journals for patients at behavioral health? So then I started thinking about it. Well, I can't just go get them and donate them because that's not what my dad would have done. My dad would have worked hard for every dime to get them there. And um, so I went home to my kids. I said, we need to raise some money to get some journals to behavioral health. How are we going to do it? And stickers were really big at the time. So my kids said, Well, mom, we want to um, why don't we just design some stickers and sell them and you know, you can take that money and buy journals. So we did that in two weeks, we raised $4,000 just by selling little stickers. But we noticed within those stickers, not only were we raising much needed funds, but we were sparking a lot of conversations about mental health. And I found that we were helping a lot of people, we were getting a lot of people to open up, but I was also finding a lot of healing for myself and a lot of healing for my kids because it was no longer a hush-hush taboo topic that we were able to talk about it openly as a family.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

And these stickers are beautiful. They're stickers that have inspirational sayings on them and lots of color, and they go on, you put them on water bottles. We start everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

We started with just a couple and now we have 150 designs. We have about 40 designs that are in memory of people that have taken their life. Um, you don't know by looking at it, but I work with the families. I say, tell me about your loved one, and then we come up with a design that they're that they would be proud of. And then we hide their um initial within the design so that we can continue to say our loved ones' names in hopes of helping somebody else. All the back of the stickers are signed or stamped by Buck Volunteers with 988 Um Crisis Hotline from someone who cares. Cause we just we want to get the message out there that no matter what you're going through, there's somebody out there that cares. There's um a lot of people that want you around.

unknown 36:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

Go so go back like to the stickers and you start selling them, and then you decide to start an actual nonprofit called Live Inspired 365. Because we got, yeah, we got, we got just a handful of minutes. So I want to make sure that our audience is aware of you because we you are a very strong ministry partner of ours. You're at all of our events with a table full of beautiful things to sell, um, inspiring things. You walk, you have a storefront that you can stop at, and now you have a B car. Like it just keeps going and going and going.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

We don't know where it's gonna go. We just keep going.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Yeah. And you so what do you do with your product? Because it started out that you brought it into behavioral health.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Yep, yeah. So we are uh 501c3. We are 100% volunteer run. We work a lot of hours and a lot of time because we're very passionate about this. I do not do but this by myself. Uh friend, Michelle, reached out to me um with the idea of opening a gift shop. I did not want to open a gift shop, um, but then we realized it was a really good way to raise funds so that we could do what we wanted to do. Um, but more than anything, it gets people into our building and then they realize that there's something more. So we sell items of encouragement, faith, support. Um, but we've just been told that there's something different about us. People come in and they just start opening up. They start maybe sharing about a family member or a neighbor or somebody who's struggling. They don't know how to support them. We give them just real life experience that we have had. Um, we are not therapists, but we are just somebody that they can come to without judgment and we will help get them the resources that they need. So we have a big resource shelf where we meet with counselors and other nonprofits. We support other nonprofits as well, um, just to support their residents, students, patients, whatever it is. So behavioral health and the addiction center, they are very our biggest partners. Um, so they simply reach out to us, they let us know what tangible items they need for their patients. I started with some stickers and some journals, but now in the last three years, we've donated over 10,000 journals just to behavioral health. Um, I go into the addiction center every single month and I speak with the residents there. Nothing I ever thought I would do. Um, and it's amazing. We've started a caring companion program with two other organizations and we train up volunteers to go in and just sit with people during visiting hours at behavioral health to let them know there's people out there that care. Um, you're not alone. And then it gives them an opportunity to be involved once they get out, something to look forward to. And we do have people that come back into our office and they want to volunteer and they want to help with the care packages and stamp the stickers and um just be a part of something bigger.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

All from a sticker. All from a sticker. And a journal.

SPEAKER_00 39:35

You know, it I like to always say it can, it's the small things that we do that can encourage people to keep going. It doesn't have to be the big, grandiose things. Um and maybe it's just a small sticker, maybe it's just something small to give them to say, hey, wear this. Remember that I'm always here for you. If you ever have, you know, having a hard day, you need someone to talk to, just call me, text me. Um, I'm thinking of you, I'm praying for you. Um, I'm always here for you. Um, and just being present with people.

unknown 40:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:07

Even the shirt that you have on on the front, it says, We all have a story, and on the back it says that you are worthy. I am enough. Oh, I am enough. That's what it is. I am enough. And it is the it's just the message that there's your car, like the sign. They just need a sign. And they're standing behind you in line and they read that and go, Okay, God, I hear you. I hear you. It's just those little things you will hear from a lot of people that right before they were just about ready to take their life, something happened that they were like, Whoa, no, no. And it so if we can all be the light and continue to shine and bring awareness to suicide and suicide prevention, um there's uh there's something for all of us to do. There really is. And just thank you for stepping out, Chantel, and just taking this whole entire um you experienced. You experienced a good and a bad and different ways, and you saw a need and you are fulfilling a really big need in our society for loving on people and giving back and helping people with mental health. And so just from us to you guys and everyone that volunteers for Live Inspired 365, thank you. And if you want to learn more about the organization, you will find all the we'll we'll make sure that it's all out there so that you can flood Chantel with your hands and your feet to give back because you guys are growing and you're gonna be moving in probably to a bigger space. And we're just starting. Yeah. This is just you're only a couple years in.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Yep, just about three years.

SPEAKER_01 41:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:43

But it's from where we started to where I thought we were going to where we're actually are, it's that's not even comparable. It's pretty amazing to see the doors that God has opened up for us.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

You're a such a perfect example of our ministry, of that your this podcast is is simply like just what adversity you've walked through, the challenges, the struggles, the heartache, and how you have done the work. You've flipped the script. Your story is no longer what has happened to you. It's still your story, but your new story is what you're doing with that to uh love back and to give back. And it's it's it's beautiful, it's absolutely beautiful. It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

I had a very uh breaking point, and it was I'm so sick of being bitter. I'm so sick of being bitter about things that have happened in my life. What if I made things better? And as cliche as that sounds, you can choose to be bitter or you can choose to improve upon your situation, whatever it may be. And for me, I found out that um by sharing my story, um, I'm able to find a lot of healing for myself, but it just encourages other people to open up about themselves and their stories because we all have one. Um, and it's in sharing our story that you're able to help other people.

SPEAKER_03 43:04

That's what this podcast is all about.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

I know, and I love it. Haven't missed a single episode. And I've met several people that have been on here, so it's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 43:11

Yeah, we just in in close in closing, like just game plan for hope. Dear friends, we've connected you guys with them, and now you're gonna be doing care packages for their the people that are going and getting help from Game Plan for Hope.

SPEAKER_00 43:25

Paul DeYoung. And Paul DeYoung, yes. Yes, I've connected with several, and a lot of them was just a simple. I maybe emailed them and said, uh, thanks for your story, thanks for your sharing story. You're what you're doing is beautiful. And then just the connections that have come out of them have been beautiful because of you.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

Oh man, no, it's all because of him.

SPEAKER_03 43:42

It really Him up above.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

Him up above. Yes, he he's webbing all of this together for the for his glory. So thank you for continuing to share your story, Chantal. I love you as a friend, and our community is very blessed to have you. Our world is blessed to have you. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 43:59

Thanks for what you do. Thanks for being here.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 44:03

Thank you so much for listening. We want to change lives through this podcast. And if you want to support this podcast or our guests, please see the links below for our Patreon and giving links.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

And like and subscribe and also share our podcast as much as possible. Thank you.