SPEAKER_02 0:00

Here comes the Sun Doot. Here comes the Sunday.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

Hello, fortitude audience. My name is Amos Kittelson, and I am your host today. And I'm here with my beautiful, talented, radiant. Wise. Amazing.

unknown 0:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

I'm just gonna do the same thing you do. That's my wifey. That's wifey, my bride.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Hello.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

So welcome back to this episode. Oh, apologies, but not apologies for the delay, because the delay was intentional. And we'll go into that just a little bit more. But uh today's kind of uh just an update on our summer, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 0:53

It is. We took a little bit of a hiatus for very good reason. And I've had people ask, when are we gonna be launching the next episode? And I said, I don't know. We'll see you. I think I think sometime in the fall.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Because we can.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

Because we can. And because we're intentional about priorities, aren't we? We are, and that's the whole reason for this. Just being intentional about priorities. When school got out, Heather, you you just said, I want to be present with my kids. And I said, Amen. Yes. Yes. What do we need to do to make that happen? And you did. And it turns out it was good and hard and challenging. And you learned a lot of things. And and for right off the bat, I can tell a difference in our kids. They're just in a huge way. So I'm grateful for it. And so you want to just start on by unpacking, unpacking that a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Yeah, I will say uh we miss you guys. I we we miss our audience, we miss our friends. Um, and we're so grateful that you continue uh to listen to the stories and be inspired by Fortitude Podcast. We love sharing stories, and we have an entire cue of a hundred more stories yet coming your way. And people are texting, messaging, sending um different ideas and people and stories and just our way. And I'm beautifully overwhelmed for what is to come yet for our audience. So make sure to follow us. Make sure that you um are ready for the episodes that are to come so they pop up when we launch them. We we it's gonna start here very soon. But yes, we it's been two years now that I have officially been home and working on the podcast, but also working on understanding what it really takes to be a present and intentional mom and wife, and trying to just rewire some of the patterns in my brain from the past of um just just being busy. And we're in a we're in a state of busyness in our world and especially in the US. In every conference or different places that I go, I'm hearing speakers saying that it's actually a syndrome.

SPEAKER_03 3:13

The B word.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

The B word, busyness. And I wanted to fight back on that because I execute. I am one that has an idea, God put something on my heart, and I am all in pedal to the metal, and I don't know any different. And being a mom is probably one of the toughest jobs in the world. And I was scared to death to put the pedal to the metal on being a mom because it isn't the accolades and the appreciation that you get when you soar in a job or do different things for the community. Everyone, you know, you stand on stage and get awards and different things, and at home you get um mom, mom, hey, mom, get me this, get me that. Dozens of times a day. Oh man, Amos, it's actually probably about a hundred. And that's not kidding for all the moms. And it's, but that's what we're we're here to love on them and to serve them. And so I had to learn to love that name. And it's not easy. And Amos is like, isn't this just great? And I'm like, no, it actually kind of sucks. But I'm learning to love it. And so beginning of the summer, it was June. We kicked off the mom and son event. So, of course, for anyone who does events or understands how events roll, it is all hands on deck weeks before. Um, so leading into the summer, it was kind of busy with our with our ministry. And then the mom and daughter event was August 1st and August 2nd. So I really didn't plan that well for taking off, taking off the summer with the kids.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

But I would say that you did a very good job of setting boundaries.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Very intentional.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Yeah, you're very intentional. I saw it. I saw it every day. I'm grateful for that.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Yeah, and it doesn't come naturally. So that's that's that's the point in all of this. Friends, um, and moms and whoever is listening to this, just know that you are not alone. It it really is one of the most beautiful things that we get to do as parents to raise our kids and to give them a foundation of peace and joy in the home. And when you are stuck in busy, it's really hard to see that. It's hard to see the fruits of your labor. Um, and it's taken two years for us, like really two years, for us to kind of unravel a lot of the things that we, especially me.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

I don't want to put both of us in this, but well, I'm I learned a lot through this too. And I've learned some I've learned things from you. So we're both being work and we're a team.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

I know. We absolutely we are a team. I will say one of the one of the toughest thing for me is to uh trust. And when we were talking about what we were gonna discuss on this, Amos is like, whoa, that's a big one. Like, do we really want to lead?

SPEAKER_03 6:30

But how do we do we really want to talk like crack open the whole trust due to past issues? Yeah. And that's why I went, maybe this is premature, but we'll we'll talk about it a little bit and maybe we can unpack more in the future.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Yeah. Cause it's really um from past traumas and past things that I've done, and just the the trust that I also broke in our relationship with alcoholism and what that entails.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

Um you're speaking specifically to the hiding of the alcoholism, of the drinking. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Yeah. Or and and the it's very hard for me to trust that Amos has my best intentions in mind. I've always been very, I don't want to self say selfish, but I've been very protective of myself because I've been hurt so many times that I felt like I needed to control my own little sphere. And when Amos is like, let me lead this family, please. I promise you I will never lead you astray. I'm your biggest fan. I'm like, and okay, Amos, but in the back of my mind, I'm like, no, I need, I, I need to, I control outcomes. Individually, we all control outcomes. And because the outcomes in my past trauma were not my own. Um, yes, I stepped into them and yes, I chose um things in my past that it was like, but I I needed to be able to trust Amos and fully trust him as my husband. And it took a lot. It's taken a lot for me to get there.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

Are those the words that I would say to you, or is that is that your interpretation of what I said?

SPEAKER_00 8:15

What?

SPEAKER_03 8:16

I always let me let me lead and I will never let you down uh and I'm your biggest fan.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

You will you will say um trust me, you have you have said multiple times, I'm your biggest fan. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got I got you, I got our family.

SPEAKER_03 8:35

Yeah. I will let you down.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

That's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

But trust me. But trust me.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

I know. I'm gonna make a mistake.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

To give you all an example of that, is it's just like finances. My whole entire life I have was raised um in a family full of love, just so much love, and very hardworking parents. Um, I experienced paycheck to paycheck, even in my young life, my adult life, in my previous marriage and um just relationships. And I just didn't know that there was a different, a different way. I just I figured this is financially, I have had scarcity mindset. And so leaving the corporate world, I still felt like I needed to control the outcome. And if anything were to happen, like I'm gonna go wait tables. I'm gonna so I was in this like state of the shoe's gonna drop. This is how, and Amos would just look at me with sincere eyes and just say, I got us. Like, just just trust. And God's got us.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

God's got me, God's got us.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Yeah, like I got you. I I promise, like He will never, He's never let us down.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

And I did bring no paycheck to this marriage for a while.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

In the beginning.

SPEAKER_03 9:50

Yeah, yeah. So I I kind of dug a hole there.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Yeah, and I it felt like okay, here we are, repeating, I'm repeating the cycle with the man that I chose from from my past, and yet God has led us into a different state of um just we are we are we are here on this earth to have abundance. Everyone that is listening to this, God wants each and every one of us to have abundance. And that is not just a financial, that is joy and peace and love and serenity in our homes. And I just didn't think it was ever possible. I I had this and the shoes gonna drop, the rug's gonna get pulled out of underneath me. And but the reality was it all stemmed back to the mind, my my my own mindset. And so personally, I've worked a lot on um in order for this to happen, I need again, it's intentional learning. So learning, I mean, even just systems. Uh, my incredible friend Rebecca Scott talks about systems and not just intentionality, but um doing things in cycles and systems so that you have more brain space and time and energy for the things that really matter. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Consistency for me is like, I'm a I'm a convenience person, right? So, and you will say you live day-to-day. You're a day-to-day person. I'm a big thinker, I'm visionary, but I'm in survival mode a lot.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

You're day-to-day, and that's that's how God made you. There's nothing wrong with that. You just think day-to-day, and there's a a lot of benefits to that. I don't think day-to-day very well. And so we compliment each other in that way.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

We do, and we get annoyed with each other, to be completely frank, because I'm like, can you just live today and stop trying to solve two years from now? Like, come here with me, like be with me today. And then he's like, Hey, can you like think two years out instead of day to day? So it is very complimentary, but it does get a little um from yeah, we fig we we're figuring it out still.

SPEAKER_03 12:00

We yes, yes. And it was it's a growth opportunity for me too, as we got married and I and I chose you as my wife, and I I I what's the word? I promise to always love you, right? Yes. And so when I started to recognize and just try to put words to what we were going through, I had to get really intentional about okay, how how do I help us through this? And how do I do this not in a controlling manner, but in like uh just like an influential way, you know?

unknown 12:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

And I I have a couple ideas. I mean, I know what some of the things I did intentionally, but what do you what would you say that was the biggest biggest thing that uh got us to where we are today compared to what, like two years ago?

SPEAKER_00 12:44

I patience.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

Patience, because we had talked about even, you know, six years ago. For those of you who don't know the full story, I um go back to episode one or you can just Google the different things. But um, I would say just you realizing or taking the whole time frame out of your vocabulary, because you're like, oh, this is taking like a year.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

Um well, yeah, I I would bring up the past to show to try to show a trend and try to show maybe where we come from or this is where yeah, I would leverage the past in a way that was not helpful.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

And for someone who has a lot of shame and has a lot of regret that I have gotten, I've worked on so much to get past the bringing up the past all the time can be can it's like, oh my gosh, I've worked so hard to get where we're at. Why do we have to go back there?

SPEAKER_03 13:44

And you would often say, I don't I feel like I'm never enough.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Yeah. Yeah. So you you have worked, but you wouldn't have known that if I wouldn't have communicated it also. So we've had a lot of tough dialogue, but really great dialogue that has helped us get to get to this place of like you having patience and just accepting that it's taking a lot more time. Because I we we have couples who will say, you know, my my husband stopped drinking. He's on seven months. But I like it, I've been waiting for years for this time and I want it to fast forward because I want him to know more, do more, be there for our family. I want him to step into the man that he is. I want him to, but there's a process of healing and and it takes so much time. So your patience in that and the acceptance of like, I know that we're in our, we're on the other half of our 40s now, and it seems like we're getting, and you'll say speak for yourself, but I it's like time is of the essence, you know? So it's like I this summer to get to the question, like I really was intentional with our kids because I want to understand them and know them individually. So I've worked on myself, continue to, and trying to help walk other people through this whole process. But it's like we have a senior, we have a middle schooler, and we have two elementary school kids who are all completely different. And being able to ask them questions, being able to sit with them, what do they like to do? You know, going different places, they emotionally answer, like react and answer differently. So entering into conversations or consequences is like, uh, oof, I gotta do it differently with this one. It's not a blanket thing. Um and whereas before it's just like the kids are kids, and I would I think I would use the same sort of thing for all of them, not realizing the damage that could be done in that. Um tones, harsh tones, or um I've Which are more surface level when you're busy. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then just kind of just brushing them off to the other. Yeah. So I I I have a couple questions out there that you've asked, but like um the other piece is you have been where you would jump in as a mom, and now I'm in the household all day long with the kids and I'm maneuvering and being mom, and you come in not understanding maybe what has happened in the day with a force. Um, and when I say force, I mean like your presence of the dad, the leader steps into the home and sees a little discomfort or me distraught or anything, and it's like, oh, I need to, I'm a solver, I need to solve this. Not realizing um that it it's not something that needs to be solved, it's something that we're working through. So we've communicated that. So you've you've been very good about that too, which is really good where you come in and it's kind of like a look of it's okay. We got this.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

I think that's that was a trust thing for me too that I had to learn. And if I take full responsibility for it, it's for putting you in a place where you didn't have the bandwidth to have the bandwidth to to mother our kids. And so over time, I would have I may have to overcompensate. I felt like I had to overcompensate because if you read Ephesians, I'm like both of us, but me especially, I think, depends on how you read it, really I have to answer to God. I mean, the buck stops with the leader, right? And I'm pretty sure when I get to heaven, he's gonna say, Hey, did you lead your family? What did you do? Tell me about that. And I'm gonna have to answer, you know? And so I really feel an obligation to help mold and shape our family. And when I didn't see that happening, I would have to, I would overcompensate and try to and try to help, you know, just lead our our kids through these situations. And you had a you would have a sometimes an allergic reaction to that.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:16

And you know, partly it's because I put you, I put you there. And also there's a lot of stuff from the past too that you just had to come.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Yeah, well, the controlling piece where I'm like, I I like I he says allergic reaction. It's true. It's like an instant my hair stands on in. Like, why don't you trust me? I am doing the best I can.

SPEAKER_03 18:38

And I was like, they're glued to the TV or something. Like they're look, they're fighting, or you know, whatever. And I don't know. I'm I'm a just naturally a fixer. Like I can I see a situation and I go, most of the time I can go, okay, I can see the first thing we gotta we can work on this, but to work on this, we gotta work on this thing first and be work on that. We can work on this thing first, and then a month from now, like this will be great. It just it's just something that comes naturally to me, you know?

SPEAKER_00 19:05

And you're not human. I've I just there's like for the audience, I will say he is human. Red blue. But for our audience, like a the way that he and I think it's the engineer engineering brain, like it's just the wiring where you see things so much more clearly in a it's just different.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

You know, I mean God built us differently. And I believe that God made men to be leaders. Not to demean what women can do. That's God empowered me to do that.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

And you've stepped into it.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

Right, and there are women who can do it very naturally too, but um it's something that I'm grateful for.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

So I've always been a leader, back in sports, bad back in all of it. I've always been a leader. So to have the ability to the word submissive, um, it is man, is it just been raked through the coals, that word. And it's been abused. Did I say that right? Raked through the coals. Um, it's been abused, it's been manipulated, it has been so I know that that's a very, very touchy word for a lot of people, but it's been a gift for me to have you as a leader in our home so that I can take a softer side of me that I didn't realize that I had and breathe. Yeah. Cause I have been in this defense, I feel like, or not not even defense, yeah, a little bit, but like where I'm always shoulders back, ready to charge. I like I am activated all the time, ready to do what I gotta do to make it happen. To you know, and that can be so exhausting. And the minute that I let my shoulders kind of fall back a little bit, or just knowing that you are leading us, God's got you, you've got us. Like that to me was probably one of the most, and I don't know when it clicked. I think it was this summer. Like it really clicked. I'm like, I can just be who God created me to be, the the center, the heartbeat of the home. That is what he that's how he designed us as the women. And you as a husband and a man has have stepped in. And I it took me too to step to s take a step back and go, Oh my gosh, I'm done fighting. I'm done. Like I'm done. I don't even know why I was. It just was in me. It was in this. I think it's the trauma, it's a trauma response, you know? And I had it modeled that way.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Yeah. So can I can I put words to it? I think I think this.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Can you do the row the boat thing? Can you give that analogy? Because I think the that that helped me.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

Okay. What I thought I was seeing was a default uh default of default dismiss dismissive. So I would see these things. I would see situations where if we could start working on these things, we'll be better, you know, in the future. And you know, maybe it wasn't modeled for you and it's not modeled well in our culture. How to default to let that in and let it process. Let me think about it. Let me let me trust that you think differently than me and you have my best intentions in mind, versus immediately disagree or have a different point of view, but letting it in. And one of the challenges with that, man, is how do you tell someone they're who's dismissive, they're dismissive. Yeah, because watch out. Well, how do you how do you communicate that? Yeah. It's like how do you tell someone who's opinionated they're too opinionated? Because we're all opinionated. Well, how you yes, how do you yeah, how do you tell someone who's dismissive they're dismissive? You can't, because they're dismissive. And so the only thing you can do in those moments is just really have empathy and try to get to root to the root causes of these things. And you can't fight back with anger and frustration and impatience. You've got to be patient. And a lot of this, you've got to give to the Lord. Yeah. Just let the Lord work through your marriage and work in you. And as you rise and grow and rise to the occasion, you will bring your family with you. It's a guaranteed. Like gravity.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:51

You will be the gravity to where you're and to elevate your family. And so I just pray that we did that with grace and and you know, hindsight being 2020, I'd do things differently. But we're doing pretty good. So the boat analogy is I I imagined us in a canoe, and I'm in the front where I have got the best view of this lake that we're on. And on this lake, the lake turns into a river, and the river turns into rapids. Also, there is a nice beach on the other side. And over here, there's alligators or crocodiles, and there's danger. And you're in the very back, and the kids, all four kids, are in between us. And I'm pointing out danger, danger. We're heading towards the rapids. And you're in the back going, la la la, yeah, whatever. And maybe as so I start rowing. I'm rowing, trying to get us to safety. And you, by either being dismissive or resisting, are putting your oar in the water and holding it. And then what do I have to do? I have to row harder.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Overcompensate.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

Because I have to row harder, because that's my responsibility. And so, um, but you also have a a view of the kids. The kids are right in front of you. And you can get the kids on board and say, um, hey kids, we need to row. You'd better at that than I than I would be. But also, if you know, if we're heading towards the beach and that's where I want to take us, and that's just where I feel like we need to go, um, and the kids are tired, you could say back to me, hey, the kids are tired, we need a break. So that communication goes both ways. But if I can yell back and say, Hey, let's go to the beach and paint the picture, and you not be dismissive of that, and it doesn't just bounce off of you, and you receive it, and maybe you don't maybe you don't see the beach, but you know that I'm by best intentions, and you just start rowing, just out of faith. And then you can say, Hey kids, let's let's row too. We need everyone to row.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

We're we're just so much better as a family. And that women are wives in relationships where there may there are times where um there is no trust, and the woman puts her over in the water and rows backwards.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

The other side of that too is in the back of the boat I see the kids, and the kids are needy and distracting, and mom and mom, and mom, hey, look at that, mom, hey mom, look at that. And I'm swivel in my head and I'm trying to manage their their attention while you're trying to tell me there's danger ahead, but I'm so distracted and I'm going, but the kids need me. And you're saying, Hey, but I need I need you. So can can look at me, follow me. Don't let those kids be the top priority because right now I need you. I need you to be on my team, and those kids will come. So we've had a lot of yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:09

Hopefully, I'm listening and hearing you and saying, okay, let's get to the beach, let the kids out of the canoe.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Right.

SPEAKER_03 27:15

Let's let's let's do this. This that's step one. Help me get them on board, let's get to the beach, and we'll follow we'll this will help.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

Yeah. I had been prioritizing the kids' needs over our over all household needs and what's gonna what's gonna what's gonna run this family in a really, really good way. And I thought my way or their way or their needs trumped Amos's view of the horizon. And you saw, you can see things so much more differently and clearly. And when the moms and the minutia of all the things, you're like, you you know, I I could I did, I think, and multiple times may have said, but thought, like, you have no idea. You're not here all day. You don't know, but the reality is you do, you do get it, you do know. And instead of fighting you and thinking my way is better, I like as women, there's a there's a lot of times we just need to shut our mouth. We do. We need to fully trust if your husband, um, there's just so much beauty in being able to just let go. And I've never been able to let go.

SPEAKER_03 28:37

You know, we I don't need you to close your mouth.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

Yeah, well, I don't mean it like because I need you to please hear, please hear me. And like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

I need your wisdom.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 28:45

I can't do this without you. I need your wisdom.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

Oh, and I'll share it.

SPEAKER_03 28:50

The order of operations hopefully is hey honey, let me paint this picture for you. Let me tell you, this is what I'm thinking, this is where we need to go. Sometimes I don't have the benefit of asking you. I'm gonna, I'm gonna just say this is where we're gonna go. And what I need to do is not fight and have to convince and and try to and bring you a bold or bring you aboard and get you to try to try rowing. But if you can get row with me, and then you can ask questions along the way or say, hey, how can I help? Or hey, have you considered this? Oh, yeah, I didn't consider that. All right, change course a little bit, yeah, you know, but at least we're moving in that direction, and I'm not having to spend extra time getting you on board and getting rowing, and just as a family, it's so so powerful. So thank you for all the being intentional. Because it's great, it's really wonderful. Um, I see men in families where you can see the dynamics off and where it's the phrase, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, or the or hey, um, they refer to the their wife as the boss. Like, I gotta go ask the boss. And you can tell that their just their their heart isn't quite in the right place.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:04

But but what I hear them say is that they've got wisdom. I hear them say, I would have done this differently. Or that he could just hear them just speak wisdom into these things where they don't really look like they're not acting like a leader, they're not a leader in their household, but they've got insight that had that been uh how do you say, like thought about, executed on, their family would have been different in different places.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

So yeah, and then that's there's a lot of uh turmoil that happens internally, like well, I doggone told you. I would have I would have done it different. And then you have like this animosity that starts and it and it divides. Yeah, it divides. And so communicate, communicate, communicate, and being open to hearing the other person's wisdom and discernment in certain situations, especially if which I pray Christ be the center of your house. And if you're if you've fortified your foundation in Christ and you really are leaning into him each and every day for his wisdom and his guidance, he won't lead us astray. So when if Amos is off on something and I'm feeling something different and God is or discerning something different, and God is like, hey, I mean, we have to speak into each other's lives and then pray about it and decide which direction you're gonna go. And that's the unity and the unification that Christ wants in marriage. And when you get there, I mean, you guys, we've been, it's 13 years. It's been 13 years. And you look at what we've gone through and the course correcting and four kids involved in all of that. I mean, there's a lot of dynamics going on in a household for all of us and our listeners, and we're going, and you know, people who may not have good marriages and their kids are struggling with sickness or mental health or all these, every household has lots and lots of dynamics. But I I pray with all of my heart for all the listeners that if you just take a step back and just say, okay, how could I, how could we do this a little bit differently? Maybe the Kittlesons do know um a little something about a little something. Maybe they are, maybe, maybe I do need to take this word submissive and look at it differently.

SPEAKER_03 32:31

Maybe you need to go ask a counselor.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:34

Maybe you need to talk to a counselor. Yeah. That's stuff that's I mean, I've gone to counselor a couple of times just by myself. You know this. Yeah. Just to just to help wrap my head around how to think about a situation.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and it's we're talking about communication, we're talking about sex, we're talking about the way we parent. We're I mean, we we go to a counselor, and it's not to go and try to change each other. It's to go to learn about one another and how to love on one another better.

SPEAKER_03 33:03

Yeah. Um it's not a control thing.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

No.

SPEAKER_03 33:06

I look at it for me as to just how do I think about this? I don't know how to think about this uh situation. How do how can I how should I think about this? And where's my growth opportunities? What can I do? Or what should I take responsibility for for the situation we're in? I'm cause I'm the only one I can control. I can't control you, I can't control the kids. You can only control me.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

There's a lot of mistrust in our society. We the especially with the world, worldly events and and national events that are going on and different things, it's like people don't trust people. And especially even just behind your four four walls. It's it's um I'm excited. I'm really excited about some of the onion layers that are gonna get peeled back, even just in my in my own life, to become even a better version of who God has made me to be for you, Amos, and for our kids, because I know that I have had walls up from the hurt that I've experienced. And because of the ex that those experiences, um sweet man, like that's sitting here with me, it's like he's got the brunt of a lot of that. That's not fair, but you've done it so grace-filled, and um I mean, obviously, there's still work to do if I can't even talk about it. But it's like we have to go to places that we don't want to go, and it's not to relive trauma, it's to release the things that we're holding on to so that we think that we're protecting ourselves, and the reality is I'm not I'm not protecting anything other than like it's it's uh like I think I might have said that a little bit wrong, but like the more I hold back, I really feel like I'm missing I'm missing out on the things that can be so much like if this is good, I can't even imagine how great it's gonna be once I'm finally able to let go of some things that I don't even know I'm holding on to. That's the piece, is I don't even know.

SPEAKER_03 35:26

That's the that's the big question. What's gonna surface and and and the human psyche is so complex and what things are what don't we know, right? Right. Men's gotta men have to take responsibility for responsibility for this too. Men go through really challenging relationships too. And men, if you were hurt, you've got to get that addressed. You've got to go talk to a professional and just say, hey, this happened. What what how should I think about this? How could this be impacting my life? What should I do for the next 12 months uh to try to unpack this and make sure that it's not unpacked, it's not impacting this person that I love so much. And that's not that's not a weak thing to do, that's a strong thing to do. Yeah, that's a strong and loving thing to do for your spouse. Yeah. Yeah, it's gonna be amazing. You know, as I as we go through this, I keep on thinking, was there something I need to unpack too? And if I and if you think of something, let me know.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

I'll tell you off air. That'll be another episode.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

Speaking of all of this, can I um um it comes to mind I forget who said this, that every man has a king and a fool in them. And the one that the wife speaks to is the one that she'll see. Yep. You can either speak to the fool and you'll see the fool. Or speak to the king and you'll see the king. Not only in your in your own heart, but that power that a wife has over a man's heart, which can be so fragile, yeah, will be either torn up or or or built, torn down or built up through those words.

unknown 37:22

Right.

SPEAKER_03 37:24

And then men just leadership is tough. I want to talk about CO2. Okay. I know you're not excited about this. I get excited about this because it's been so impactful in my life. I'll just talk about this revelation briefly. Okay. Uh the backstory on this is a few uh months ago, I would come home from work, and then after 20 minutes of being in the house, I would feel this deep fatigue in my just in my in my body. And I was going, Where where is this coming from? Is this is it my did my coffee just wear off? Did is it this the sensies that are in the house? Because uh, you know, we're just now we know that that sense in the air can be really impactful in your body. Like, is it just the environment? What's going on? And uh I follow this guy on YouTube who does internet uh home automation things, and he had this this YouTube video called the uh the air quality sensor I never knew I needed. And he had one of these CO2 monitors, not carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, which is different. We breathe out carbon dioxide. Carbon monoxide comes from back like burning um propane, I think. Um, so we breathe out carbon dioxide, and in his office, he would start to attribute when he'd get drowsy in his office, it's because this he would see that the CO2 levels in his office were high. And so he'd open up a window and he'd feel better. And I went, oh my gosh, could that be what we're going through as well? And I ended up buying a um air quality sensor from AirThings off Amazon. I'll put a link into the description. I may get a couple bucks for it if you if you buy the buy the product. If you don't want that, that's fine. Just search for it, and then you can research for the product. So then, you know, the Amazon doesn't attribute it to me. That's fine. But I got the Air Things uh uh Plus, a pro that measures CO2, and I was blown away by feathers on the tail end of a pretty tough goal. Um, blown away by how how high the CO2 was in our bedroom. And I'd been waking up five, six, seven times a night and waking up just dragging myself out of bed. And it turns out that humans release a lot of CO2 into the air. And even though we had air moving in our house, we were seeing like 1700 parts per million. Outside is about 500 parts per million, and we start reaching 800, you want you start that starts to get too high. A thousand is not really not good. 1700 was robbing me of sleep for years. And so I just started researching this. And if you can't measure it, you can't manage it. So my encouragement is if you're feeling groggy and just always worn down, get one of these sensors and just and put it in your in your bedroom and just see how high it is. Um, and then start researching mitigation, mitigation, mitigation techniques. We've basically leave the windows open at night, and now I sleep through the night, I'm dreaming all night long, which is amazing. I didn't remember dreams for years, which are so important for memory formation. And now my bandwidth is just through the roof. My ability to hold multiple balls in the air and address things through uh response just by responding and not reacting is like off the charts compared to what it was just a few months ago. So I'm excited about this because it's been a revelation. It's been huge in our and our family, huge for me. And you know, like you don't know, you don't know. So I share this with I share this with everyone I can I can. It's like Jesus and CO2. You know about Jesus? How about CO2? Let me tell you about both. What was the last thing we're gonna talk about?

SPEAKER_00 41:11

Um I just I had a kick out of you so much.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

Um Today is September 13th.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

Yeah, it's September 13th.

SPEAKER_03 41:25

September 12th. Today is recording in September 12th.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

Um 9-11 was yesterday.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

Yeah, two days after Charlie Kirk was was murdered.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:33

And assassinated. And we are heartbroken.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

We were grieving.

SPEAKER_00 41:39

I think all believers in Jesus Christ, I've had multiple people say, I just, it's so heavy. Like I I've I haven't felt a sense of heaviness like this in not even some with people in my family, like an uncle or an aunt, like cl close, close, and I don't even know him. Um, but I will tell you, as a as someone, as a believer in Jesus Christ, we are all united in the spirit, and we are brothers and sisters. And I I believe that is why he was such a warrior for Christ, and um we mourn because he's our brother.

SPEAKER_03 42:21

I'm also mourn for the family of the shooter and the shooter himself. You know, like I'm really sad about Charlie's family. I'm also really sad about the shooter's family.

SPEAKER_02 42:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:32

You know, there's there are two families that were really impacted by this.

SPEAKER_00 42:39

My uh there's I this is just that it's so it was too touchy. It's too touchy. I just don't even I I get I So Fortitude Ministries became a nonprofit in April. I don't know if you guys have heard that, or I don't think we have gone live and said that Fortitude Ministries has become an actual 501c nonprofit. We are here to fully and completely speak God's truth, biblical truth. We want to encourage others to walk a life that is united in Christ, to have a foundation that is fortified in biblical truth because culture and the lies, propaganda, media, all the things are literally trying to chew up and spit out our children, our families. They're trying, it's division and it and it is working. Culture has been winning for a very long time, but Christ is all he is almighty and he already won. He's won the battle. Um, but the devil has been on the prowl for way too long, and I really feel like this whole situation has. Woke in the line. That is my response to that. And so us as a ministry, my opinions don't matter. My thoughts don't matter on the situation, other than I love everyone the same as Christ loved everyone. I don't care about race. I don't care about um just go across the board and all the division that is happening. And it's like that stuff to me is I just fully, completely want to honor God in all that I do and in this ministry period. And in our life. And that is what we are here to do and to serve because it is a really beautiful life to live when you can be responsive to things like this and not reactive and find yourself saying things and doing things that are out of character. Um, we are we're all guilty of it. But I I just I think we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. And there's a lot of pain and a lot of hurt in people's lives, and things are being said that people probably wish they wouldn't say.

SPEAKER_03 45:10

And I would like, that's my response. What did you say to someone who's angry, really angry?

SPEAKER_00 45:18

I would say you need to pray about it. Talk to someone about it, pray, talk to someone who you look up to that is wiser, that can talk some um some rationale. I think just to go, we need to go back to the basics of this is this is an evil, there's a lot of evil, this is a spiritual battle. It's in the Bible. This stuff is all it is mapped out for us that it is going to happen.

SPEAKER_03 45:46

Is it is it okay to be mad?

SPEAKER_00 45:47

Oh, completely. I was mad. I was I was too. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:51

Yeah. Because it's not right.

SPEAKER_03 45:52

Is that different than anger and and acting on it though? Right.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 45:58

And trying to help our kids in times like this, I mean, go back to any other assassination. It it's it's not okay to kill someone. It's just not. Any human. Um, so trying to explain this to your children is a whole nother can of worms, like trying to explain humanity and um right from wrong. I mean, to me it's pretty black or black and white, but but yet you have so much gray in this world that explaining that and walking through all of that I just point back to the cross. I point back to the biblically and it doesn't make sense to a lot of people because it doesn't make sense. But that's why we have to have our our foundation.

SPEAKER_03 46:51

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was angry too. And um uh what helped me is uh two things. One, I now have a little more empathy for the for those who went through the Martin Luther King assassination and what they felt.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

Right.

SPEAKER_03 47:08

And the grief that they felt. And the other is that we serve a God who is a huge God. And um I don't and I don't think God orchestrates things like this. I think sometimes he he lets it happen, and then he is the master at leveraging things like this. No one better. For his good. For his good and for glory and for the for souls that would be saved and get to sp spend the eternity in in life. And um grief for the whole thing. I it's hard to be mad when I think about the future impact in a good way that this will happen. And so that was that was able to be to help me temper the anger. That was that was feeling because I'm I can't believe that there's just it's gonna be so much good that comes out of this. As sucky as it is, it's gonna be hugely impactful on this world and on lives, saving lives. So yeah, yeah, I want to ask for it again, just saying it happened and it's gonna be good. So thank you, audience.

SPEAKER_00 48:15

Oh, we're done.

SPEAKER_03 48:16

It's good to talk to you again.

SPEAKER_00 48:18

Oh, we're done. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 48:20

I thought I was picking up the vibe from you looking at the clock. Then we gotta go go meet our kids.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

Well, I just want to say again, thank you to all of you who have stuck through this whole this whole entire how much ever time we have spent together today. Um, we really wanna be open and honest and vulnerable in this walk together because we are we're in this together. There is, they're really there this it's tough. It's tough. And we're gonna get through it. So stick with us, keep listening, plug in, um, follow us on Facebook, on Instagram. We are continuously putting encouragement out there with events that are coming up, with retreats that are coming up. Um I just can't say enough how we need we need to focus in on the good. And the more that you plant in your heart the goodness of God, the more joy and the more peace that you have and to protect that and to um walk with your head held high and keep shining your light.

SPEAKER_03 49:26

That's great. Thanks for listening. Thank you so much for listening. We want to change lives through this podcast. And if you want to support this podcast or our guests, please see the links below for our Patreon and giving links.

SPEAKER_00 49:37

And like and subscribe and also share our podcast as much as possible. Thank you.