SPEAKER_03 0:00

Here comes a sun do. Here comes the sun to say it's all right.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Hello, fortitude audience. Thank you for joining us today. My name is Heather Kittelson and I am your host, and I am with two studs today, man.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Just pure studs. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

My husband, of course, Amos, who is our co-host. Hi, Amos. Hi. Hi. And John Setzer, Mr. John Setzer, is in the studio today. Hi, John.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

I'm doing fantastic. How are you? We are so good.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Uh, we just had 30 minutes or so to catch up. And man, we got a lot going on.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

It's like there's never enough time. Never for us to catch up and hear faith stories and all that God is doing.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

He's just rocking our worlds right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

I know. He's such, such a good guy. He's so creative in how he does stuff to me.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Oh man, when God put you in our lives, I was just like, what is it about this guy, man? He is lit up in the most profound, beautiful ways. Like you just have an energy about you, and everybody will say that. So thank you for just showing up all the time. Like every time I see you, you just the smile on your face, the twinkle in your eyes, all of it. It's great.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Well, thank you. Um, I know whenever we, well, before we first met, there were so many people around the community, like, you do know Heather and Amos Kittleson, right? I'm like, no, I don't know Heather. Like, have you been living under a rock?

SPEAKER_03 1:53

And I'm like, who is saying this?

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Who is this? Who is saying this? Like everybody, I mean, because I know a I thought I knew a lot of people, and then I met Heather, and I realized that I don't know a lot of people. Not compared to Heather. And like all of my friends and just people that I know in ministry and um, you know, business friends and that kind of stuff are like, you need to meet Heather. You need to connect with her.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

And when we did, man, we sat down downtown Sioux Falls and had such a great conversation. And it was, it's neat how when when the Holy Spirit connects on such a beautiful divine level, the conversation just was flowing for a couple hours.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

I know I lost track of time. I'm like, how long have we been? Wait a minute. We've been like two, three hours.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

I think we're both late for our next meetings.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

You guys are both extremely positive people, optimistic off the charts, right? And we talk about this how optimistic people are drawn to optimistic people, and you just feed off each other. So then you guys get like uber optimistic.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

We see each other. You guys are off the chart. Almost like spontaneous combustion, like this.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Or a bomb or something. That's what it feels like. Something goes off.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Crazy ideas start flowing. That sounds great. I think it's harder than you think, though.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

Yeah, he usually will pop my bubble really fast, but in a beautiful way.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Always tell you the truth. But we do need integrators in life.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

So which let's go there for a second. Because Miss Leslie, your beautiful bride, she is a practical one. She's also full of life, but she is very practical and probably grounds you often.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Well, so Leslie is my oldest daughter, Marcy.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

Oh, sorry. My bad.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Marcy is, I call her the smoke show. That is that is my baby. That's my girl.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

The smoke show.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Um, literally, like from the very first time I seen Marcy, like, I told my friend, I was like, if she'll act right, I will marry her. And he's like, dude, you are so conceited. She's never gonna give you any chance. And when I seen her, I was like, I would marry you. I just looked at her and I just knew from that moment.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Yeah, I was like, it's a good one. I'm gonna marry her one day. That's cool.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

And so, of course, she broke my heart, and she wasn't a fan of me having two girlfriends at the time. John wasn't? I was horrible. I was terrible at 14. And she's like, you know, when you get yourself figured out, yeah, give me a call and we can go from there. And she was just so much more mature than me.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

Okay, so go. I want it, I want to 14. You meet you meet Marcy. And um I just tell tell us who you are now. And then I want to go back to that piece because it that's a really cool story of what she did.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

You know, I think who I am now um is, you know, I'm a man in progress. I'm on a journey.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

You're in good company, man.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

I'm figuring, you know, Amos. Join the club. I'm figuring things out, and um and really I think I'm just learning to be. I think I'm finally learning to authentically be John Setzer. Yes. And for a long time that was really hard to do because I always felt like you gotta dress it up, you gotta present yourself this way, you gotta, you gotta be here. And coming out of a, you know, a background of athletics, you know, I played professional football. I'm actually ended up coming to Sioux Falls to play for the Sioux Falls Storm. And that world is a world of performance. And so I'm just always, I was felt like I was always performing.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Sioux Falls Storm is for our international listeners. Sioux Storm is Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

So the uh Sioux Falls Form Storm professional uh indoor football. Um actually um I was in Canada with Montreal and the CFL and ended up getting cut from there. And uh, and then after that I had an opportunity to come and to the frozen tundra.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Yeah, because you're from the South.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

Yes, I am from North Carolina.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

So every now and then you'll you'll hear the uh the southern twang come out a little bit. And um, you know, but just I'm just trying to authentically be me. And it has been a journey, it's been a process. And Heather, I think you so much because you have been one of those voices that is in my inner circle that is going, John, like you can you can do this, like you can step out and fully embrace who God is calling you to be. And for a long time I didn't think that it was possible for me to do that.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

The day that we uh had caught a coffee, fast forward a few a year or so. Remember, I walked in and I said, I was just sitting in my vehicle and God wanted me to read this devotion to you.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Oh my goodness. Yes, I do remember that.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

And I was like, I don't, I I I it wasn't for you. I just didn't know. I didn't, he said, bring the devotional with you. And I happened to have it in the car with me, and I brought it in, and you started talking to me. And I said, John, I think I have something for you. And I remember I opened it up to the day the the devotion was the day your dad died.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Mm-hmm. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Yeah, it was the coolest thing, and it was like your dad spoke through that devotion to you that day. It was so beautiful. We both were crying. It was so cool.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Yeah, and just for all of you listeners around the world, I'm a manly man and I don't cry. No, I'm joking. I'm joking. I cry.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

Yes, sorry. I just blew your cover on that one.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

You know, my my kids, I feel like that my kids really needed me to, well, my wife, number one, but then my kids really needed to be, to see me be authentically John Setzer. And um, you know, for some of you guys that don't know, like um, you know, me and my wife Marcy, we have five kids. Um, I enjoy spending time with my wife. Yes, you do. In many ways. That's why we have five kids. So for the younger listeners, just edit that part out.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

No, no, we talk about sex on here. We do, it's all good.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

But yeah, and so um, but they needed that from me because I started to see things in my own kids to where it's like, you know, like my oldest daughter Leslie. I'm like, like embrace your natural hair. Yes, but I wasn't embracing my natural charisma and my natural energy. And I had this lady that came up to me um at my church, and her, I call her Mama Kit, and she said, The Lord's telling me to tell you, stop apologizing for your enthusiasm. As long as J C is bigger than JS, you'll accomplish things that you never dreamed of.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

And it was in that moment, and of course, I walked away immediately and started crying because she just spoke directly to me and she saw me in that moment.

unknown 9:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

And so I wanted to be able to see other people. Why were you apologizing for your enthusiasm? You know, Amos, I think that's a great question, man. Um, you know, I think you come out of like, you know, coming out of the South, which, you know, where I grew up was heavily like racially charged. And so you didn't want to be the too loud, ghetto, angry black guy, if that's a thing. Yeah. Um, and so you always live this life to where you're walking on eggshells and you're not sure if people can handle who you are. And so with some people, you dial it down a little bit. For others, you turn it up a little bit. And what I found myself doing was I I just turned into a chameleon. Sure. You know, with, you know, like, um, yeah, I'm a black guy that snowboards. So, like, you know, with my country club friends, I could go and play golf and we're on the country club, and we could do that, and then we could go on snowboarding trips, and then I could be in the hood, and I could be on the block hanging out with my cousins and friends over here. And, you know, I knew how to speak the lingo.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

I adjusted to the environment.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

And and I could, I could dress this way, I could go three-piece suit this way, I could, you know, whatever you wanted to do. And it just became exhausting because multiple, multiple personalities.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Yeah. And this came from a home environment or or your neighborhood, just the state where you grew up, North Carolina?

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Yeah, I think um, okay, so where I grew up in Lenore, you know, very country, you know, racial, you know, racially charged in some ways, but I did have really good friends. It was like pockets of different thoughts. Um, you know, my dad, my dad was uh very conservative. Um, you know, so I grew up in a very conservative home. Um, you know, but that wasn't always the story at my house.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

So we presented well and we were this, you know, black family that kind of had this type of a standard, but what people didn't know was, you know, at home I used to watch my dad put guns in my mom's face, fight like cats and dogs. Like it was, it was it was bad. And um, you know, and I remember my parents had a really, really bad blow-up argument, fight, whatever. And um, and I knew at that moment that that would be probably the last one. And so I prayed like, God, make my parents love each other again, make them love each other again. And shortly after that, they got a divorce and they separate. And so we're splitting time, you know. I'm at my dad's house, and my dad, he was an amazing father, but just at that time not a great husband. I don't know if if you can, if you can be that, but that's what it seemed like. And so, I mean, my dad always at all of my events, I mean, just he wanted me and my brother to have the best of everything in life. Even to the point that, you know, he named us Nicholas and Jonathan Setzer. So that our names didn't translate as a skin color on paper. And he told me that.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

And so I just knew that maybe there was some deep-rooted fear of like him always wanting us to present ourselves in a certain way. And, you know, and my dad would always tell me, he's like, You're gonna be a CEO. Like, that's what you're gonna do. You're gonna be a major CEO, you're gonna be a business guy, like, so you need to dress this way, you need to act this way, you need to talk this way, you need to read these books, read these books. I mean, you know, my dad, he would pay me to read, pay me to read books, um, and he'd give me $20 a book. Wow. We gotta up our rates for our kids on it. We do. Um, we do. And so I'm reading all these books, and of course, in the seventh and eighth grade, you don't have a clue what you're reading. And so John Maxwell is my uncle. Um, I love it. Nice, yeah. I love John Maxwell. Um, but it was in that moment of splitting time that um we ended up having to get a babysitter. Um, babysitter um was lady from the community, and um, my brother and I ended up being sexually abused over the course of about six months. Um and so I think some of that even kind of started to get weaved into the authenticity of like, you know, when can I be me? Or like, who is this person, or like you're dirty now, you're damaged goods, if if that's you know, and then the devil starts speaking all this condemnation. And so it was during all that time, which was like the worst time of my life, it felt like. Um, I was probably about maybe at that time, I was probably like when that happened, probably about seven little maybe. Seven years old? Yeah, somewhere in there. And um, and I just remember coming in and I would see my dad reading this thick black book. And I'm like, dude, you are never gonna finish reading that book. Like, what the heck are you reading? And he's like, Come here, and he'd always have a cup of black coffee like I have right now. He's like, Come here, sit on my lap. And I would sit on his lap, and he was reading the Bible.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

And he's like, I'm gonna tell you about it. And I watched my dad transform from this perfectionist, like, make the play, make the shot, make the block, make the tackle. You did or you didn't. There is no in-between, there is no gray area. You made the play or you didn't. You need to do it this way, this the way you do it, this way you do it right. This way you wash your car, this the way you do this, this way. I mean, in everything, there was a methodology and a right and a wrong way to do it. And I watched him transform from that into the sweetest guy that you would ever meet. And I would even have like like friends that would meet my dad and go, there's no way that's your dad's story. And I'm like, if if Jesus could change him, he can change anybody. And that's when I really got on fire for the gospel and became, you know, just even deeper rooted in my faith, is because I seen what happened with my dad. And so my dad went on to get remarried, and um he uh was married to um my stepmom Tammy for 18 years. Um and he actually he actually passed away about three years ago. And that was that was really tough.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

Um was it natural natural causes or it was?

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Well, it was well actually it was during COVID. Um, you know, the Lord put on our heart to move from Sioux Falls, South Dakota back to the East Coast. And so we're like, God, you're doing that thing again. Just let us stay here. I don't want to go. We're comfortable here. We love Sioux Falls, we love South Dakota, and the Lord just really put it on our heart to go. The day that we got there. You and your five kids. Me and my five kids in Marcy, of course. And we literally like in COVID literally shut down the world.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

After you, right when you got there.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

The day that we got there. Like we were unloading and watching the news, and they're like, hiring freezes, everything is shut down. Like, what's this COVID-19 thing?

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Praise Jesus, you got there.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Yeah, and so you know, we ended up um you know getting there, and it's just a crazy testimony of God's goodness, even how He provided during that time. Like, because I got there, like our reserves are quickly depleting. Depleting. Um, you know, because I worked in ministry, so um, I wasn't making that kind of money.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

And um, and I just remember the checks started coming. People would call and say, hey, I don't know what it is. The Lord's putting you on my heart. What is your address? I'm like, that's weird. I mean, I give them give them my address. And I and I wasn't telling them, oh, I can't find a job because of COVID. I can't. I wasn't telling them any of that. And then 5,000 and 8,000 and 2,000 and 3,000 and 20,000. It's amazing. And these checks just started coming in the mail, and God's like, I'm your source.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So when you're down, you're down there, you're getting quality time with your dad, too, right? So how much time did you get with him?

SPEAKER_00 18:13

You know, it was um about a year and a half.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

Okay. So they got grandpa and how great for your kids.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

And my girls, I mean, they just love rubbing my dad's bald head. Hopefully, Lord, you won't let me go there too soon. Um, but you know, and just seeing like my kids interact with my dad. And it's like every picture that you see, he's holding one of the girls.

SPEAKER_02 18:39

Yeah. What a blessing.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

And then my little sister Faith, when he passed away, she was 15.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Um, you know, but just us being able to be there, like that was the greatest gift.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

The greatest gift that God could, one of the greatest gifts that God could ever give me was giving me an opportunity to be there. So in the meantime, not being able to get a job, um, I'm like, maybe I'll do some insurance or something. So I got my insurance, all my insurance license and opened a state farm agency during COVID. And it was great. Like our numbers were pretty good, and just I was one of the only people that didn't close my office because I'm like, I can't. I can't close it. I got a family to take care of. They gotta make money.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

And um, and then it was like after all of my dad's stuff was finished and we were able to take care of all of his affairs, the Lord's like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

Time to go back.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

You're done. Go back.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

Yeah. And so how many years have you been here now?

SPEAKER_00 19:39

So we've been back a little over three years.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

That's right. It has been about three. And we met right when you moved back. That's what I that's what I remembered. It's crazy. Uh and so currently, I mean, you've had a few other careers here, and you've you've stepped in, you've really felt called to a couple different things. And it's been so fun to watch. Scary though. It's so, it's the most frightening thing ever to leave uh a paid position, something you actually love, something you enjoy doing. But when God says, I mean, he's sending you checks for goodness sakes in a time of need, you're like, okay, you are real. I want to listen. And he says, I want you to take a step out. And you're like, I gotta take care of a family. What do you mean? So you recently have taken a big step. So I want to, I want to go to that, but then I want to still go back to early on, when earlier in your life, too. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Yeah. So, you know, I feel like just like with the children of Israel when they were when they were coming out of Egypt and they're in the wilderness, you know, God will take you through a period of time to where He provides the provision for everything. Like He provides everything, He's He's nursing you along and He's growing you in your faith. And then, you know, He gets you to a place where I mean, literally, He goes, Okay, that season is done. Now I'm gonna teach you how to self-feed. Now I'm gonna teach you how to, you know, to go out and to get it by faith and to trust and to rely on me. And that's kind of what what this new season is for me. Um, you know, I spent the last three years with um an amazing organization um called Lifelight. You know, I was a COO there. And um, you know, we do we did big Christian festivals, you know, all over, you know, going and speaking in different countries because I have the heart of an evangelist. I love telling people about Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

And um, and I just really started feeling like that the Lord had more for me. I felt like that there was a greater. Utilization of my gifts and talents and my calling. And with my athletics background, with my heart for kids, I absolutely love kids. I love kids. Did I say I love kids? You are so good with kids.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

That's why you have your own tribe.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Yeah, we got a basketball team. That's what some of my buddies say. But when I started, you know, this idea of launching my own company that could really focus on athletic training, but also spiritual training and development. And so came up with this idea of Setzer Elite, as you can kind of see on my shirt there. And my buddy Chad helped me out with this cool logo, you know, Chad. And um, so big shout out to Chad. And it was like, okay, now I gotta give birth to this freaking thing.

SPEAKER_03 22:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

And that was the scariest thing ever. And, you know, and Amos, I know, you know, you have your own business, and you know, and now you guys got a huge baby that you're birthing right now with um, you know, some of the new things with fortitude, which I'm so excited. And and I'd like to hear you talk a little more about it. But now you gotta birth this thing.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

Yeah. Now I gotta do something with it. Yeah. But you know that it what didn't, it wasn't, it was your idea. It was a seed that God planted. So you're like, if I give it, if I give it all, then he's gonna, he's gonna grow it. We're gonna grow it together. So that's the piece I loved that you shared was in the uncertainty and in the like the anxiety that comes behind stepping out in faith, you knew in your heart God was still working on some things with you timing-wise. Remember, you were saying, like, I needed, I had some molding that had to happen for John, for me, before I was able to fully step into who God created me to be. And He, you did that work. You did the work. And then that's when everything like it like it just took off.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

I'm telling you, like it was, you know, I would highly encourage anybody, like when you say yes to God, not a not a strings attached yes, not a uh well, maybe not, not that like when you truly say yes to God, he starts to do things that your mind just can't comprehend. Like, literally, um, you know, I was meeting with my buddy, with my buddy Jeremy Brown, and Jeremy always tells me, he's like, you have to understand and know how the market sees you. You might think the market sees you one way, but the market sees you how they see you. And what they see you, and in the way that they see you, is where value is. That's where value can be harnessed, right? And I'm like, but I don't really know how the market sees me. He's like, John, I'm gonna tell you how the market sees you. They see you as you're an encourager, you carry such an influence and such a charisma and this personality that just makes people want to be around you and you get people excited and you make people want to run through a wall to accomplish their goals. And I'm like, Jeremy, that is exactly what I'm doing. And then you start meeting with people like this lady right here, and she's like, John, you either need a piss or get off the pot. Like, God, if God is telling you to do something, you're referring to Heather.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Yes, encouraging you, encouraging the encourager to take a leap of face.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Because I can because we can see it. We can see it in each other.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

I I get I get what you're going through. Cause we watched you go through this and we had a celebration, the six of us, with Jeremy Brown and his wife and your wife. Mm-hmm. When you finally kind of made this decision. Like I think what had it happened that at that point. Yeah, okay. And so you but you've got five kids, and it is a scary thing. So in your credit, to your credit, you weren't just just being willy-nilly, like you were talking to God about this, go, God, I'm scared about this. You know, right. Right? I mean, you had you had you have a uh the burden of provision put up put upon you, and you want to honor that. And you didn't want to just jump right into that. So can can you talk us through what that was like?

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Yeah, I mean, and you know, and as a father and a provider, like you, we're we're here right now.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

Yeah, you can see each other.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

And like when it's when you feel like it's all on you, if I don't make money, my family doesn't eat. And that's not an option. If this doesn't work, my family doesn't eat. And that's not an option.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

And your wife, I remember your wife was very encouraging. She was on your side, very supportive. Yes, yes. Yeah, you still you still had that, I'm gonna call it a healthy fear.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Yes, you know, just a healthy possibility. I would totally agree.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

And and I and I do think that it's important for us to have that as well, because when we don't have that healthy fear of, you know, what is happen, what could be or what couldn't be, or, you know, and we're not really looking at the obstacles that could potentially be there, um, it can almost become negligence. You know? Um, and so Marcy, she was so supportive in the process, and she's just like, so what's the date? Yeah. I'm like, will you stop talking to Heather?

SPEAKER_02 28:01

I was just gonna say Marcy and I had a great conversation that day.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

And she's like, okay, so what's the date? Because if you don't set a date, it's not gonna happen. And to be honest, I drug my feet for like what, maybe, maybe like two or three months. Because I'm just like, well, I'm just I'm just waiting on this to be set up in the right way. And, you know, and then, you know, the team at Life Light, they were good to me. They were so good to you. They were really good to me. Like, you know, Josh, um, Brewer and Rochelle, and um, you know, Alan Green, Miss Vicky Green, like they were really, really good to me.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Even knowing, even in the transition, like they were so encouraging for you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

And you were, in a way, you were you were doing your thing at Life Light, weren't you? Because you would get on stage. So for those right here, for our national listeners, Lifelight is a Christian concert event and held annually. Tickets are free. It's usually held in the cornfield, and people show up, and you get some really big name Christian artists that come to South Dakota, rural South Dakota. And what was the what was an average attendant size for Life Light?

SPEAKER_00 29:09

Well, so um, so so before COVID, I mean, an average attendant size, I mean, you're looking at anywhere from you know 280 to 300,000 people. It's a huge, I mean a huge event. Yeah, yeah. And you know, and then after COVID, things kind of change gears a little bit, and the focus of um the impact of the ministry really shifted to more of like being in the heart of downtown. So being in different cities around the world. And you know, because like downtown, like that is where heartbeat. That's where it's happening. That's where the bedrock of the city is. You know, kind of like Sioux Falls.

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

Um and you would get an opportunity to to be on stage. It wasn't just artists. In between artists setting up and tearing down, there would be messages and you would get a chance to say a message, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:57

Yeah. And so um, you know, and for and for our audience, you know, I am um, you know, I'm a speaker. Um, I absolutely I feel like I light up whenever I get an opportunity to to be on stage and to share um my heart with with people. Um, stage fright has never been an issue for me. I'm jealous.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

Hand you a mic and put you on stage, and it is incredible to see how God uses your mouthpiece. It's in it's just, it's like you sit in the audience and I don't, I don't think I blink. I just sit there like a dude.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

It's a gift.

SPEAKER_02 30:31

It's such a gift that you have. Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

I I do appreciate it. And you know, and it was kind of um, you know, it was one of those things like where I was really feeling this transition and this shift. But the devil was saying, but you're gonna walk away from this stage. You're gonna walk away from this big platform.

SPEAKER_02 30:53

Yeah, you're hanging out with some of the greatest Christian artists in the world. Like, people want this, John. Right. Why why would you leave it?

SPEAKER_00 31:03

And and for me, like I I like I like the artists, you know, but I just wasn't really in like the fanboy mode.

SPEAKER_03 31:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

With the artist, it was more of like, hey, how are you? Like, how's your family?

SPEAKER_03 31:20

Yeah.

unknown 31:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

I don't really care about that. I get that. I don't get very Star Trek either. Just like they're people too, right?

SPEAKER_02 31:25

But this is why other people didn't understand, like, for people who would come around you and say, What are you? Are you kidding me? You're like in the best, this is amazing what you have. So you have this polar, like, like the repelling. And the reason the uneasiness gets in there is because you're not in flow with Christ. Because you're not, you're not following. He's like, just come with me, John, just come with me. I know you're great. I don't know, I know things are great, but it's gonna be greater because you're gonna step into who I've created you to fully be. And then you're gonna get to see what really happens and what I'm capable of doing through you.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Right. Yeah, and I think that, you know, the the the charisma and the um, you know, like my personality, you know, I think what really brought me back to the true authentic John Setzer was when I really started to think about um how I was a suicidal kid. And some people don't know this about my story, but I was a star athlete in my hometown, you know, dang near straight A student. You know, when I walked into the party, I mean, they're throwing beers across the room, you know, as a life of the party. And, you know, because yeah, I was underage, I was underage drinking at what 16, 15, 15. Country in the East is different. Oh, yeah. It was, I mean, because our lives, it felt like felt like our childhood was was a party. It was a movie, and you're watching it happen. And and I just remember like going back to thinking about I would be in a room full of people, everybody's waiting on me to perform, tell a joke, get us excited, do something crazy, do a flip, do, you know, do something. And I realized that I was in a circus. Yeah, and I was the clown in the middle, and I was trying to entertain and perform all these people that really didn't matter. And you know, and I started to think about well, if I'm feeling this, how many other kids are feeling this? Because we're talking about well dressed, good grades. I mean, my wife says I'm handsome, you know. Um, you have all these things that in so many other people's eyes are going for you, but they didn't realize that most nights when I went home, I thought about ways to kill myself. And and really, you know, I remember the straw that broke the camel's back, the metaphorical camel's back, was I remember having my best football game in high school. I had like three interceptions, two foam recoveries, it was like 380 some yards all purpose. Didn't play defense. I mean, didn't play offense that game because me and my coach couldn't connect eye to eye. Well, I couldn't shut up. And he's like, Well, you're not gonna play offense. Okay, well, I'll just play defense and set state records and everything. And then I remember after the interviews on the field, the newspapers there, like WBTV, like all this. And I remember leaving the field and thinking about every way that I could kill myself.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Where do you think that stemmed from? Just because you just weren't aligned in who you were?

SPEAKER_00 35:00

Yeah. I mean, because when you're not truly living as your authentic self, it's exhausting. Because you're just performing. I mean, imagine like you being on stage 24-7. You can never go backstage and take a breather. You can no never go backstage and get a glass of water, you can never go go home. You're constantly performing.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

Can we can we unpack that a little bit? And I think that's really key. Cause were you an optimistic young man? I mean, you're an optimistic now. Like that's how I see that's how I see you today. Were you that optimistic as a kid?

SPEAKER_00 35:41

No.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Um, you know, my my grandmother would always look at me and say, There's something special about you. But she would never tell me. She's like, God's God's got something for you. There's something special about you. But it made me feel even worse because I'm like, well, what is this special thing? Like, what is it that you're seeing that I can't grab a hold of?

SPEAKER_01 36:08

So you've got your grandma speaking into your life, you've got your dad speaking into your life. Um, and they both had the best of intentions. We know it sounds like their heart was in the right place. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Then you fast forward, so you there were issues back then, and just fast forward a little bit, and this this lady at church tells you to basically don't worry about how you feel, don't worry about your enthusiasm. Right. So you're enthusiastic, you're holding your enthusiasm back. And you're you've got Fred, do you have true friends back in high school?

SPEAKER_00 36:44

At that point, um that's a good question. I think I had a lot of associates. Okay. Um but I didn't have very many like true, true friends that I could say, hey, this pornography addiction, I'm struggling with this. You know, that's a part of my that's a part of my story that I'm very open with. Like, you know, the pornography addiction that excuse me, it started when I was in the fourth grade.

SPEAKER_02 37:17

Which if you go back to the sexual abuse. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Yeah. How if you could put a number on it, a percentage. I know it's that this is the percentage thing. If you could put a number on it, though, how much of that do you think contributed to this self-harm mentality, the thoughts you were having?

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Um, I would say it definitely was a piece of the puzzle, for sure. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Sounds like a smaller, a small piece then.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

I mean, well, I mean, when you really start to think about like the self-worth, the self-image, identity.

unknown 37:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:50

The shame that you felt from the guilt. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

I mean, because your self-worth, you know, when you're sexually abused, your self-worth goes from here, I'm a child of God, to here, I'm damaged goods. And that, and that's, you know, kind of how and you and you hadn't talked to anyone about that.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

Was this a secret that you're you're keeping?

SPEAKER_00 38:11

No, people, like nobody really knew about my pornography addiction until I was broken free from it. Okay. Fresh, freshman in college, prayed about it. I'm like, God, like, I want to be, I want to be done with this. You know, because like, you know, being sexually abused, the pornography ended up to me losing my virginity in the sixth grade. So then now your eyes are opening to something that's beautiful, like sex, but your eyes are opened to the perversion of something so beautiful that God created.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

Did you you had lots of people, say he had people in your life encouraging you? Did and did you have anyone giving you hard truths? Was anyone telling you, John, you're great. I see something, I want you to pay attention to this. Some of that harder, though, the harder things to hear.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

Yeah, I think my I think my dad and my mom um both did that. You know, my mom, she was a mom, so moms, they coddle you a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

You know, they now said this is there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

You know, but but my dad was very, it was black and white. It was, hey, if you aren't tithing, then you're being disobedient. You know, so so there was kind of, you know, my dad, there was kind of some legalism sprinkled in there, you know, but I do feel like that, you know, he was one of those voices that was really speaking, you know, truth to me. And then my granddad, like my my mom's dad, you know, he ended up uh actually, you know, I remember when he passed away, like I held his hand the whole way as he was taking his last breaths. It was one of the most beautiful things, you know. Really, my my girlfriend at the time took care of him the whole entire way.

SPEAKER_02 40:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

And she's my wife today.

SPEAKER_02 40:15

I was just gonna say, wait. There you go. I learned together.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

But I knew my granddad, he's like, you better marry her.

SPEAKER_03 40:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

You better marry her. You know, but he and he would always, you know, have those hard truths. You know, the thing that that my granddad taught me, you know, was things like hard work. You know, one day, like I used to be kind of ashamed of my granddad. And maybe this is too much information, I don't know, but we're getting kind of deep now. But I used to be ashamed of him because he was he was a janitor at my school. And um, you know, he drove the school bus for all of his, for all of his grandkids, which was the most beautiful thing. I never even and but I would see, you know, a kid come down, they would just take a cart and a milk, just throw it on the floor. And he would go and he would pick it up, throw it in the trash. And one of the things that changed my life, because I would go and work with my granddad sometimes at the school, like getting up trash and that kind of stuff, you know, because we we would go cut grass together. Like, so I was with my granddad a lot. He taught me hard work, but I remember watching him mop a floor. And the passion and the pride that he took in mopping this floor. I I don't know what it was. I think it was something to where God's like, come here, son, take these blinders off and look at this, behold this.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

Yeah. One of the reasons why I'm I'm just dialing in on this is because I think the majority of families that go through someone who's committed suicide are really caught off guard.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

Rarely is it a, oh yeah, I saw that coming. Oh, my family would have been totally caught off guard. Nobody knew.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

And that's where I think it's important to get to the root. Like what was what was a thing that someone could have seen and and said something, could have asked, so that our listeners can be educated and just really try to cut this off. Because we it could be the same thing with our kids, honey.

SPEAKER_02 42:23

I know.

SPEAKER_01 42:23

You know?

SPEAKER_02 42:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

And we look at them and go, they're great. But I guess it comes down to if you don't ask the question. Right. If you don't ask the questions, how do you really know? It's you want to assume the best.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

Yeah, and I and I think one of those things too, man, is like sometimes as parents, we don't ask the question because we don't want to see a negative reflection on our parenting. We don't want to go, well, well, what did I did I mess up here? What what did I did I not feed you enough? Did I not read you enough bedtime stories? Did I not tell you about Jesus enough? Like what, you know, and sometimes it's just life. It's literally just life, lifing. And um, you know, and for me, nobody would have known. They would have been so caught off guard. But I think some of the signs that people could have seen was the frustration. Because I had anger issues. I was like, because I mean, imagine having all these emotions and all these things just boiling on the inside of you, and you can't say anything.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

Well, and you're uh those the people around you expect something of you that you may not be able to give because you're so wound up inside. Right. And so that's where the outbursts come out of like, you don't get me, you don't understand what I have going on, but they don't because they don't know, right? And so the anger comes out, and we Weird ways.

SPEAKER_00 44:01

And I've and I've learned and I've learned to rechannel all of that over the years into like my passion. Passion for kids, passion for sports. Like, I don't know if you guys have ever been to a game that I coach.

SPEAKER_02 44:14

No, but I've seen all the pictures. I'm excited to attend next year, John.

SPEAKER_00 44:18

But I mean, and my kids, they just feed off of it. They love it. The energy, the passion.

SPEAKER_02 44:24

Like most of the pictures I've seen, he's not on the ground. Like he's literally feeder off the ground. Yes, he's floating. Yeah. John, I want to go back to something because I know what Amos is trying to get at here. And when it comes to when asking, asking kids or asking the tough questions, when you see, when you see individuals who are high performers, like you and I were in school, and then high performers in life, just in general, um, there is a piece where a kid is ashamed to even mention that that's even a thought because they have so much, because they are given so much and they have a good life and they have decent friends and they're really athletic, and I have good grades. Like, what is wrong with me? And the shame of saying these are thoughts that I'm having, we don't want to burden people with that because it seems so selfish, right? Because we've been given so much.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

I mean, you could it could almost come at come off as sorry, it could almost come off as like, you know, it's a word, not not disingenuous, disingenuous.

SPEAKER_02 45:34

Yeah, that's right. I struggle with words too. My the whole audience knows this.

SPEAKER_00 45:38

It's it's it's morning time, so my call hasn't really kicked anywhere. But um, you know, but it could almost come off as like you being ungrateful or you being spoiled, or you know, and for me, I think the the real root issue to it, to Amos, I'm so sorry to get back to your question because I mean we've kind of been doing this. But I think really the root issue of it is fear, man.

SPEAKER_02 45:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

It's fear.

SPEAKER_02 46:00

Don't want people to view you, talk about you.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

The fear of facing life. Okay. The devil, I mean, because the devil for me, like, I promise you, like the devil would, I would get these almost like whispers. So you know what it's like when the Lord's telling you something. You might not hear an audible voice, but you hear the that confirming and and it's like just walk out in front of that car. It'll be over.

SPEAKER_03 46:27

It's like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:29

Nobody will care. Just pull the trigger, just take those pills, just just do this. You can rest. You can shut it all down. It'll be all over quick. And when you get so fatigued, man, it starts to sound kind of enticing. So, do you think if someone had asked you, is there anything that you're scared of? That would have been a great question.

SPEAKER_01 46:55

That would open up the conversation.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

Yes, that would have been a great question because I would have said, I like you, Amos.

SPEAKER_02 47:02

I know.

SPEAKER_01 47:02

Yes, really good questions. Um what I'm what I hear is I hear the person in the car listening to podcasts, screaming at the podcast, ask this. I'm trying to figure out what that question is. So yeah, what's what is what are the good questions to ask to tell you?

SPEAKER_00 47:18

I mean, that that would be one of the like, what are you afraid of? What keeps you up at night? Yeah, what bothers you? Um, you know, and for me, man, you know, it was things like, man, I remember, I remember being in the third grade, and this was back when love letters was the thing, right? Check yes, maybe, yeah, or I'll think about it. Yeah, but you never put no on there.

SPEAKER_02 47:44

That's definite. No, so you're saying there's a chance.

SPEAKER_00 47:47

So you're saying there's a chance, right? Yeah, and I just remember like giving this note to this girl, and she's this beautiful girl. She was beautiful, blonde hair, and she comes back and she says, Well, I can't I can I can't date you. And I'm like, why? And she says, Because you're a nigger.

SPEAKER_02 48:15

Oh man, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

And that and in the third grade to see for a second, you know. But in the third grade, you go, Oh god, why did you make me this way? Why did you give me this brown skin? Why am I why am I seeing why am I being treated different because of my skin color? Like why, you know, and and there's been so many times, man, where where I tell that story to people, and I have some people that are just like, that doesn't happen in the United States, does it? Oh yeah. Like, I mean, because it's just so foreign, it's just such a another world. Like we're past that, right? And you know, and I think that you know, things in some cases have gotten better, but I also think that things in some cases have just been masked. They've been hidden.

SPEAKER_02 49:23

Yeah, and they haven't been uncorked.

SPEAKER_00 49:25

They're not as blatant, you know.

SPEAKER_02 49:30

And uh there's something there's something to be said about how angry things have gotten too, right? So the uncorked pieces where people are coming out and they're saying things they probably never should say. But John, I am I'm so excited about what is to come. Like, I just your whole journey, everything you've walked, everything you've gone through, the beautiful repair God has done in you. Like I feel like He has shed so much from you and yet has put so much more seed in just watching it all come to fruition and watching it grow has been, it's beautiful for Marcy because Marcy's been a huge piece in all of this by setting you straight when you were younger and saying, Hey, I ain't dating you till you get your crap together.

SPEAKER_03 50:16

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 50:17

And you never gave up, she never gave up. You guys are such a beautiful testament to marriage, parenting, um, just just the tenacity you guys have as a as a couple is so beautiful. It's fun to watch. It's really fun to watch and it's inspiring. And so from Amos and I to you all, like, just keep on, keeping on, man. Yeah. Because it's really a beautiful thing to see.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

Yeah. It's been fun to watch. It's fun to watch, fun to see the journey. I'm excited for you. What's the website?

SPEAKER_00 50:49

So um our website is Setzer Elite. That's S-E-T-Z-E-R-E-L-I-T-E dot com. And um, you know, we do speed and agility training. We train athletes from all different backgrounds.

SPEAKER_02 51:04

In all ages.

SPEAKER_00 51:05

In all ages. Well, K through K through 12. And then, and now, I mean, we've really just started to evolve because now there's a lot of college athletes that are reaching out that want to train. They're like, my little brother or my little sister told me that they're training with you. And they come and talk about you all the time. So I figured I would call and I'm like, sure, get in. Let's go. Let's train. And so it's been, it's been really, really good just seeing God open up this vision to something bigger than I never dreamed of.

SPEAKER_02 51:37

It just continues to evolve and it will. Uh, I also want to just do a shout out because you're one of our speakers for the upcoming mom and son event.

SPEAKER_00 51:48

Let's go.

SPEAKER_02 51:49

On June 12th, man. We haven't, I don't think we've even said that on the podcast yet, that that's a new piece of our ministry. Uh, Fortitude Podcast has turned into Fortitude Ministries, and we have a lot coming. Um, and so I was, you were a part of the vision from the beginning, which is really cool how God has unfold like this whole entire thing of you and I sitting together before any of this even came about. And I was like, John, I just see it and you're a part of it. And I don't know what it is really yet, but I know. And now it's like it's happening. And so June 12th, you get to stand in front of hundreds of moms and boys, and you get to share this and you get to speak into their life. And I can't wait. I just can't wait to see you light up that room at Ransom Church downtown Sioux Falls. It's gonna be, it's gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_00 52:39

Well, you know, it's an honor, it's an honor and privilege for me, really, just to be in great community with people like you, you know, having guys like you in our corner. Um, because it truly does take a village. You know, and I've always said this that ministry flows at a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

There's no doubt about it.

SPEAKER_00 53:01

It's not about the building, it's not about the money, it's not about it's like ministry flows when relationships are the most important thing.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:11

And if we can keep that, the sky truly is the limit.

SPEAKER_02 53:15

It is. I think we're doing good. That I think we're doing good there. I think that's like I think between all of us, man, the relationship piece, we know people on purpose and get curious. That's what I always say. Just know people on purpose. I like it. Because there's a lot of substance to every single person. Yeah. Well, John, give our love to that beautiful family of yours. I will. Thank you for sharing all of this with the audience. And we'll share your information. So if people want to reach out and learn more, sure. We'll pass on the love. So thank you and have a wonderful day.

unknown 53:48

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 53:48

Thanks for being here, John. Thank you so much for listening. We want to change lives through this podcast. And if you want to support this podcast or our guests, please see the links below for our Patreon and giving links.

SPEAKER_02 54:00

And like and subscribe and also share our podcast as much as possible. Thank you.