SPEAKER_04 0:00

Here comes the Here comes the Sand the face is all right.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Hello, fortitude audience. Thank you so much for joining us. My name is Heather Kittelson, and I am your host, and I am sitting next to my handsome hunky husband, Amos. Hello. Who is the co-host. And today in our studio, we have the pleasure of having Tom Henderson here with us. So thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Hey, man. It's uh great to be here. Thanks for the invitation.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

You uh just recently completed another year of Res Gen and Date Night.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Yeah, so uh we you you are correct. We did our eighth uh Res Gen Men's Summit recently, and then uh this uh just a few days ago finished our our sixth uh night of date night comedy, six years of date night comedy, which is now ballooned into two uh two events back to back. And so this year we had over 950 couples between the two nights. And yeah, we're grateful.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

It is so neat to um for those of for I guess a lot of our audience is not local, but in the Sioux Falls, South Dakota area, Tom has a beautiful, incredible mission um that got put on his heart many years ago, and it's called Res Gen. And so we'll get into that in just a second. Um but what he's referring to is a big summit filled full just filling men's hearts full of incredible content and um just the Holy Spirit. And then also you involve the ladies and bring on a date night. So um we love going. We've gone five years in a row and um are just grateful that you have offered such an awesome opportunity to us and to the community.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

So we've gone together to the date night together. Yes. I go to the men's.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Yeah, you go to the Yes. Yes. I would there are there are so many women who are like, I wished I could be there. I wish I could go. I like can I go? Can I No.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

We need we I like the time. It's good. It's good guy time. So good. Good quality guy time.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Well, I will not entrench on your good guy quality time. Um so, Tom, I'm excited for the audience to get to know you a little bit better. Your story is a beautiful story of um just you're an over overcomer, man. You've you've gone through some stuff. But let's start out with who you are today. So tell us about you.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yeah, so um my name's Tom Henderson. I'm a follower of Jesus. I'm a husband to Laura, I'm a father to Isaiah and Chase. And then, as you mentioned, I'm the founder of Res Gen, the Res Gen Men Summit, the Res Gen Giving Life podcast, Date Night Comedy in Sioux Falls. And um, and so, you know, I'm I'm just I'm completely focused on doing everything I can do here at the ripe age of 48 years old to pour myself out into other people and to add value to their lives. And uh if that's through putting on the events like you spoke of or through the opportunities that God's opened up for me to speak at uh other events around the country and uh corporate events and that kind of thing, it's it's however God wants to use me. And for the longest time, Amos and Heather, um, I was focused on teenagers. I've my the first I've in September it'll be 25 years of full-time ministry that I've been in. I got my first youth pastor gig when I was 23 years old uh in Oregon City, Oregon. Uh back when the when I got hired, the senior pastor said, Tom, you don't know how to preach, you don't know how to teach, you don't know how to manage a budget, you don't know how to speak to parents, you don't know how to really organize a calendar. So it's super uplifting.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

So you're like, so I don't see the problem here.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

I'm like, why aren't you jumping at the chance to hire this cat? Um He said, but here's the deal. I can teach you all that. What I can't teach you is heart. And that's what you do have. And um I had uh a full heart and just enough confidence to kind of step out into uh into the youth ministry world. And so God allowed me the opportunity uh alongside my wife Laura uh and my boys when they came along to do youth ministry in a variety of different capacities with local church in Oregon City uh for six years. Then God moved us back to Sioux Falls, um, was a part of a citywide organization and helping students um learn how to share their faith in the middle school and high school uh hallways and classrooms, then uh then eventually went and on working with uh Life Light and started doing a lot of touring with bands. That's where I really started speaking a lot. I went on the road with bands and and learned how to share the gospel uh to an auditorium or an arena full of people that weren't there to hear me. Uh they were there to what listen to music, and I had to earn the right to be heard with them in about 30 seconds. And uh and then God um just ordered us, and I say ordered because uh I dragged my feet for about a year and a half, that's a whole other story, but but uh launched Res Gen in 2010, and now here we are almost 14 years later, and and seeing how God has morphed that to being focused on students um to now being focused on men, marriages, parenting, and and doing what we're doing now.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Did you go to school for ministry?

SPEAKER_00 5:06

So I actually um when I graduated high school, I went to USD uh to major in pre-med and partying. And um what I found is that if you party a lot and then you don't go to class, that's gonna lower your GPA and that's not gonna look really good on applications to med school. And so what ended up happening was my in between my freshman and sophomore year, um I was I was a singer all throughout my my childhood and and uh into college, and I tried out to be uh part of a touring group uh that would travel for the entire summer. So there were six of us on this tour, three guys and three gals, and then the directors. We had to we learned an hour-long show where we sang, danced, acted, and all that kind of stuff. And we traveled um up through Canada, all the way across Canada, down the western United States, and then back up to Sioux Falls. We did 50 shows in 60 days. Wow. At camps. Uh what was it called? It was called Shine. It was put on actually through uh Sioux Falls Seminary. Oh, they were using it as kind of a recruiting tool or something like that. And uh, but I just saw it as a way to be honest with you, just to do what I love to do, and that's perform.

SPEAKER_04 6:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Um, and that's kind of a part of my childhood, is just I I performed however I needed to perform in order to get the attaboys and the accolades that that I desired in my life. And I love the stage because, especially like in the acting world, you could play a specific character.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Escape.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

It was it was a way to, yeah, it was a way to just kind of to to be someone else and be someone that maybe the audience would have either an affinity towards or that that would be like the villain or whatever, right? But the whole goal was to portray, portray them in a in a way that is, you know, enjoyable. So so I I got on this tour, and about three weeks into the tour, uh, this was back when you actually, if you wanted to communicate with someone, you couldn't send a text message or an email. You had to actually write something on a piece of paper and then fold it and put it in something called an envelope. And then you had to lick a little square thing and put it in the corner and put it in a mailbox. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

You remember mail? I do. Yeah. And so did you give it to the the guy on the horse?

SPEAKER_00 7:15

Well, so that's what Laura had to do, especially when we were up in Canada. Um, so so she had to find out where we were gonna be and mail letters ahead of time to whatever whatever host home we were at or the church we were gonna be performing at, camp, or whatever. Well, about three weeks into that tour, Laura and I had only been dating for about a year at the time, not even quite a year, about six months. Uh, she was a she and I were servers at TJI Fridays. She trained me out to be a server. We started dating, and uh then I went on this tour. Well, she, in the letter that I received about three and a half weeks in, she's uh the letter said, Um, you're on this tour for completely the wrong reasons. Um, you're on there for the glorification of yourself, you're on there to build your platform. And um, this is not this is not uh what you're on the tour for. This tour is for the glorification of the Lord. And and so um you have a couple choices. Either A, you get right with Jesus and make this um about him and not about you, or you drop off the tour because um this is not this is not something that that uh God wants you to be doing. And so I had a choice. I was like, well, there's only six people in the cast. If I dropped out, I'm not a math major, obviously, I you know, because I didn't go to class. Um so what that would leave like only like that's about 85% of left. I mean I'm like 16, 70% of the cast. That's not good. So I better get right with Jesus. And so I did, and that's where the Lord really got out of my heart got a hold of my heart. I knew that going back to the university that I was going to at the time, getting back into my fraternity life wasn't gonna be a good choice for me with my newfound focused faith. Um, and so I decided, you know what, I need to transfer. So I transferred to the University of Sioux Falls, changed my major to religious studies and psychology, and then immediately started leading worship for college students, um, my sophomore year of college, and have been involved in in um, you know, ministry ever since 25 years full-time and three years part-time.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

So what I heard was Laura kicked you square in the pants and said, you and you guys were just dating.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Yeah, we were just dating, but she has she had a very, very strong faith and and knew she and and little I did not know this, but she actually had made a commitment to the Lord saying, if Tom goes back to USD is where I was going, if Tom goes back to USD, um I'm gonna break up with him because this it's just not who you have for me. And she didn't tell me that because she didn't want me to be influenced by that. And she wanted you know the Holy Spirit to convict my heart and and redirect my steps, you know. And I I mean that's one of my favorite, one of my favorite scriptures, and and one that I shared actually at the men's summit this year, and one that I that um I say it's my favorite, but it's also one that I really struggle with, and I think that they can coexist is um the Proverbs 16, nine, that we make our plans, but the Lord orders our steps. And I don't know about you, but I'm really good at making plans. And and there's times though where the Lord says, those are cute, those are really cute plans, Tom. Um, but I've got some other steps that I'd like you to take. And I find that that when I'm staying in step with the Lord, things turn out way better anyway. And it doesn't mean that they're easy, but but um, but they're way better. And making the decision to leave the University of South Dakota at the time to come to the University of Sioux Falls um was the best choice that I could make, even though I had to give up. And this is a part of my story too. I had to give up. I was there on a on a full ride scholarship for academics and and um some other things, and and um I had to give all that up to come to the University of Sioux Falls uh where those scholarships didn't exist for me. So the one year where I knew that God wanted me to, he didn't he didn't want me to go to USD, and I knew it, but I wanted to go and do my thing.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

And a full ride sounds delicious.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

And it was well, it was available for me at the time at USF too. Oh okay, and but I wanted to go and do my own thing and really kind of party and do all that kind of stuff. And um a lot of that again came from just just wanting to get out from some of the the struggles that I had in my childhood and so forth. And and so but so not only I just tell people this way, you know, not only did it cost me morally, um, but it also cost me, you know, financially. And instead of graduating with no debt, I graduated with well over $25,000 in debt. And um, if I would have just listened to the Lord at the front end, you know, I would have saved myself a boatload of money, and you know, but at the same time, it's part of my journey.

SPEAKER_04 11:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

And, you know, I think that it's easy to look back and and uh you know, woulda, coulda, shoulda. But as I don't know if you can say this on the Fortitude podcast, but you know, I was always taught, you know, don't shoot on yourself.

SPEAKER_03 11:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

And um should on yourself. And and uh and so and I'm really good at that time. It's like, man, I should have done this. Um, but it's not okay. You know what? We can't go back though. But what we can is we can look forward and we can say, okay, even though right now I would have made a different decision if I could go back, I can't. So now what kind of decision is I'm moving forward?

SPEAKER_02 12:11

So you and Laura met at TJI Friday, as you said?

SPEAKER_00 12:14

That's officially where you met. Yeah, she trained me to be a server and she's still training me today.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

So sounds like she may have been did she was she raised in a Christian home, in a home where it was taught and uh yes, uh yes and no.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Um she was raised in a in a home where uh religion was important for a time.

SPEAKER_04 12:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

And then all of a sudden it went like, okay, from religion to deep, deep, deep relationship at a time where Laura was really in this um difficult season of even just her life of being a teen girl and trying to fit in. And then all of a sudden now we're these, you know, this crazy Christian family. And so there was a a real time of rebellion that Laura went through as a teen as well. But then when she was about 23 years old, um, about 22 years old, she uh basically uh, you know, moved back home and realized I can't keep living life this way when Jesus got a hold of her of her life. And she was actually convinced she was gonna go to the mission field. She was gonna be a missionary with the First Assembly of God church and go and and um be a missionary in Africa. And she said a prayer that um, you know, if God, if you don't bring someone in my life um that you want me to be in a relationship with and move towards marriage and whatever, then I will commit my life to being single and be a missionary in Africa. And then a few months later, Tom Henderson shows up, and I'm not sure she's like, she's probably like, really? Lord, is that is that Lord, come on. It's worked out pretty good. It has.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

You the two of you have modeled uh a beautiful relationship that's centered on Christ. It's very evident. And so I am I am grateful that Laura came from those roots enough to say, hey, I mean to point it out is hard. It's har it's it's hard to confront some uh a situation, but she obviously was committed and wanted to be in a relationship with you.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

And so And she saw, and to be clear, like she our very first date when I said, Hey, I'd like to I'd like us to go out on a date, whatever, and it was it was she said, Okay, um we can, but it's gonna be on a Sunday, and we're gonna start the date at church. We went to church together. And um I remember her youth pastor was actually up leading worship that um that week. And I, of course, was doing my best singing because I just wanted to make sure that she, you know, again, she she loved to hear me sing at TGI Fridays to the soundtrack, but then I'm like, this is my time to shine right next to her, right here at church, man. Let these let these vocal cords ring. And um she looked up at me um with her beautiful eyes in the middle of service and she said, you know, I could see you doing that someday. Oh, she and she was talking about her youth pastor, and and um she just said I I I I could see you doing that. And it was it, and you know, at the time I had no idea, no I, you know, no desire to do that, right? I was going to USD at the time and majoring in pre-med, and that was what I was gonna do. That was my plan. And but that was a prophetic word from her at the time that turned into me eventually become a you know youth pastor and leading worship, and and you know, here we are.

unknown 15:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:25

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

What a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

It is. It is. I love when um you hear stories about people speaking something into someone's life and you're like, what? Come on. And then you look ten years ahead and you're like, yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

She especially said let's not choose the high dollar thing. Let's choose the one where we're gonna be clipping coupon coupons.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

She's she's good at that, you said too. So your childhood has looked a little different, Tom. So can you I mean, I can just see why you were so attracted to Laura and that beautiful light. Um and just who you are today. Bring us back to when you were a child and just kind of what that looked like.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

Yeah, and so here's the here's the deal like even just restoration generation. So res gen is short for restoration generation. Okay. Um, and restoration is and and this, and I'm gonna this is gonna pave the way for telling the story because the word restoration is so important to me. And restoration generation is all about restoring a generation of relationships with God and with each other. That's that's what res gen has always been about, and it's kind of taken different forms and fashions throughout the 14 years, but but that's what it's been about. And it's because of the restoration that God has allowed me to experience number one, in my relationship with Him, um, which is the most important, right? But then also the restoration that God has allowed to take place in my life between me and my father. Um, and there was a lot of restoring that needed to be taking place in in that story. Um, when uh my parents, I was raised in Southern California. My my um my parents got divorced when I was nine years old. My mom moved us from sunny California to snowy Sioux Falls to begin our new normal. And and uh, you know, it just it and I got involved in church and and my mom was you know very devoted to the Lord and and raised me and my two sisters in in the church, um, which I'm very thankful for. And and she was a um uh kindergarten teacher for 25 years here in Sioux Falls, and then she uh was also a server at the Westwood Hope Country Club at the time and a couple nights a week just to kind of help make ends meet and to raise three kids, you know. So um we all started working. We were 14 years old at Burger King and uh started paying for all our stuff and just providing for ourselves because we needed to, right? I didn't know anything different. Um, life was pretty good. Again, I I was focused on performing on the stage, performing in the classroom because I knew if I got good grades, I knew if I did well on the stage, that people would then show me affirmation, show me that I was loved, that I was doing a good job, all those kinds of things. Um so um, but when we were um at when I was 14 years old, so five years after we moved to Sioux Falls, we got word that that my father was in uh was uh convicted of a crime and and uh was gonna serve eight years uh in prison uh throughout the entirety of the rest of my teen years in in California. And I remember, you know, getting that news. Uh, we actually found out through a newspaper article that that we were sent, but um getting that news and just being, just really struggling with that, um, because it's one thing to not have your dad there. I mean, I wish that he would have been there. I wanted to hear how proud he was of me. Um, I wanted him to look at me and say, man, I I see such potential in you. You know, there's just something about a dad's life, or excuse me, a dad's presence in a kid's life. Um, both, you know, little girls to hear that their daddy loves them so they don't have to search for that kind of love and and destructive ways elsewhere, and that that they're, you know, that they're beautiful and that he's just so proud of them and and that they really can't accomplish anything in their life. And for boys, you know, they just they do, they want to see like they have their dad speak that confidence into them and and tell them, yeah, you really do have big muscles, you know, like that kind of stuff, right? Um, and I didn't have that, but now all of a sudden, you know, now I'm like, okay, but now he's in jail and I don't know, like I'm filled with a little bit of shame. I'm filled with a little bit of like fear of like, I mean, I mean, is that gonna be my life? Is that gonna be um what does that look like? And and so I just I didn't really want anybody to know that. And um, but um, so I like I said, I just kind of masked it, you know, performance, and a lot of there's not a lot of people I I had that did know that. Um there was a few select friends that that didn't judge me when they heard that news. Um, but God was so faithful, and he provided um a couple of men in particular, um, Alan and Steve are their names, and and Reed, uh another one, uh Dan. Um these guys were like filling dads for me. Yeah, and God was so faithful in providing men in my life that saw potential in a skinny 14-year-old kid. Um, and even when I was being a knucklehead and trying to, you know, find worth or identity and whatever else um that I that wasn't fulfilling and that was a moving target, they never gave up on me. And, you know, all those guys are still a part of my life in in some capacity, some um much deeper than others. But um, God was so faithful. And then he was faithful in giving me an opportunity when I was 21 years old when um my dad was released from prison. Uh Laura and I uh were married at the time. We'd only been married, we got married pretty early. I turned 21 and she was 25 at the time, and and um we got married, and and you know, within I think about eight months, uh, we were on a plane and flying to California for me to go and meet with my dad. And um, I'll never forget the conversation that he and I got to have. Um, and I say got to have because I believe that it's that the Lord allowed it to happen. It's not a there's a there's a lot of broken family stories that they weren't given that opportunity or they didn't take the opportunity when it was given.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

And so what were you thinking? I I like to process all of that. So let's take a just a quick little step back. Did you in the time from the time you left and moved here, did you have a relationship in those five years before you found the news out with your dad?

SPEAKER_00 21:32

I was able to go visit with visit him a couple times, you know, in the summer, kind of, you know, for two weeks at a time, a couple times and and see him and that. But um, you know, those were you know, when you're a kid and you go down, you just you're just excited to be with your your dad and you you you know went to Disneyland and you grabbed some sandwiches from the from the gas station or whatever, right? And and so though those were great visits. Um but you know, a two week visit, it's not like That's equal to a full year's presence, right?

SPEAKER_02 22:03

And they and in that two weeks they get to technically kind of show off as a dex, they get to do all the fun things and you're not, you know, inundated.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

And to be clear, I was showing off as a son. Yeah. And like, you know, saying, hey, look at me, you know, and and and I was thankful for those visits. But um, but then once once that did happen, um, you know, and he was in jail, and I actually was I tried to go see him when I was on that tour. Okay. Uh we went, we went down through California and I I didn't know how this thing worked. So I'm like, you know, I talked to the directors and I said, hey, you know, be a little bit of a jaunt, you know, a little bit off the off I5, however we're going down or whatever. And they said, well, if we can make it work, yeah, we'd we'd definitely love to do it. So I like, I like just called the prison. I'm like, hey, can I come see my dad? And they're like, yeah, we have protocols for that. Uh you gotta like send in paperwork. It's like a six-week process to get approved. And and so um, you know, I I had gone from being real excited about the possibility to like, oh man, that really stinks. I thought it was gonna work out, but but you know what the reality is, is I always feel like God's timing is always perfect. Oh, and when I look back on that, maybe I wasn't ready.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Maybe, maybe I don't know what that would have been like. And so you fast forward to to, you know, when I'm 20, just 22 years old, and Lord and I fly out there, and and you know, he and I were able to have a conversation that was very difficult out on a pier overlooking the Pacific Ocean at some cafe. We had a three-hour um lunch, uh, didn't eat much of my burger, you know, that that day. But you know, we just we had a conversation. I just said, Dad, here's the deal. Um it hurt, you know, I wish you would have been there, um, all that. But Jesus has forgiven me for everything I ever have done, I ever will do. And and I and I want to extend that same forgiveness. And then if you're open to it, I'd love to start building this relationship again. And, you know, there's a reality of that, of just when you have those kind of you don't know how that's gonna be received, you don't know like what's what it's gonna be, but I'm grateful that that uh you know he received that conversation with grace and and you know, grace is given, grace is received, and and he said, yeah. And so for, I mean, 20, 26 years now, we've just we've been building that relationship and uh phone calls and visits and you know, uh FaceTimes and and that kind of thing. And and I feel grateful because it's a relationship that I always desired, um, and the Lord has facilitated it. And I'm I'm I'm very thankful for it. And so that's been that's a story that I've been able to share um in public schools. Our first five years of res gen, I would I did public school assemblies in 28 of 58 states, or excuse me, 20 of 28 of 50. 58. Do you know that there's 50 of the 50s? I'm a preacher, and I don't know to do geography. Um, but so 28 out of 50 states. And you know, the story of the teens were able to just resonate and listen to because they're like, yeah, I've got I've got some challenges, and and you kind of get it. And now to be able to speak into the lives of men and recognize that that men carry stuff with them every single day as they're going to work, as they're living in their homes, as they're doing things that things, wounds from their past, or expectations that they don't feel they're meeting, or um just the feeling that they need to perform in order to get love from individuals, but also from God. That's something I shared at the Men's Summit. You know, Amos could attest to that even at 48 years old and being in the ministry 25 years, I still struggle with the thought that if I perform well enough, if I read my Bible enough, if I pray enough, if I preach a strong enough message from the stage, that somehow that will make God love me more. And it's not true.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

No. In those moments as a as a young boy trying to understand, because there's, I mean, you look at the brokenness in the in the family unit, and I mean, we're in a full-on spiritual battle with the devil attacking this the family, husband, husband, wife, and kiddos. And you find yourself now with your your mom and your sisters. Did you in that in that moment, um you're like, this isn't, this is not how it's supposed to be. This isn't, this isn't how I imagined that life would be. And did you step into the role of like the man in the household? Did you feel a heavy responsibility of that since you were the only boy in the house?

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Um I don't know if I understood all that was there because I was pretty selfish and just like, and it was more, it wasn't more like this isn't how it's supposed to be. It was more like, how come I don't have the kind of experience that my friends have?

SPEAKER_03 27:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

You know, they're all going on vacations or they're all, you know, they're having family, all whatever, right? But at the same time, I was very grateful that, you know, my grandfather and grandmother lived in in Spirit Lake, and um, they were very involved in our lives. If I if I ever understood that I was the man of the house, it was because my grandfather told me I was and that I needed to be that. But I also felt very ill-equipped to do that. Um, because at the end of the day, I was hurting so much myself. Yeah and I just wanted to go and be a kid. Um, you know, I didn't, I wasn't really good enough to play school basketball anyway. I'm so glad, by the way, that I did not grow up where there's all these travel teams and all this craziness. Like, I mean, because like, and and I think it's I think it's a great experience for the kids and I'm all that kind of stuff. But I'm like, I just am like that, just seems like a lot of pressure. I would I would have buckled under the pressure, I'm just telling you. So, like, but I played Y-ball, and um, but a lot of times I couldn't participate in different things because you know I needed to work, and and that's okay. That's all a part of of the process. And and my mom did it, I mean, she worked, she worked very, very hard, and she did a great job in providing for us. And and um, but there's just limitations to what we had. Yeah, and but even still, like um, so we were provided our needs with anything that I wanted. I had to, you know, that's we we had to take care of that. So which was which was great. That taught that teaches resilience too. It teaches resilience, it teaches you how to understand how money works and and uh delayed gratification, which I don't I think that you know our culture really struggles with. Yes. You know, we we don't delay ourselves anything. Um, it's all instant gratification. And and so there's a lot of great lessons that that I learned. Um, again, looking back on you're saying, oh, that's what I picked up from that, um, that really factored into the way that that I parented. And in good ways and bad ways, by the way. Yeah. I mean, I remember having lots of conversations with my boys, um, and just, you know, where I'd be so frustrated with look at all the stuff you guys have, you know, why aren't you being, you know, respectful or you know, full of gratitude or whatever. I never had any of this stuff, and you know, whatever, whatever the stuff was, right? Yeah. And um, you know, I remember um having a conversation when I was talking um my oldest son, who's now 22. Um, and you know, I just both my boys, they're just they're 19 and 22 now, and you know, they've moved to being, you know, friends, right? I mean, I'm I'll never stop being dad and never stop giving him advice, uh, whether they want it or not, you know. But but um I remember when he was 15 years old and he just said, Dad, um don't punish me because you didn't have the kind or you didn't have the childhood that I have. Don't make me suffer because you should I'm so glad I have a dad around. I'm so glad I have the opportunities that I have. So don't make me feel bad because I have them.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

And I remember being like, oh snap.

SPEAKER_02 30:09

Yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

Yeah. And he's that one in particular, Isaiah. He's he's dropped some nuggets on me, some things on, and I'm like, oh man, that is so right on, but I can't tell you you're right on because um I you will definitely know that I've lost this argument then.

SPEAKER_02 30:29

They teach us a lot. Even our littlest, littlest ones are teaching us. Um you know, when I think about you as a young young Tom, it's just uh Tommy is what I went by. Did you go by Tommy?

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Back back when I was a little tyke, you bet.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

Oh man. There's there are different people in our life lives that that come around us, right? And they look at us and they say, hey, it's gonna be okay. Did you is there like can you think back of of even someone for your mom, like people that stepped in, they saw that your mom is a single mom of three little kids and you guys are all working hard. I kind of view it as a community. Like because there is a lot of brokenness around us, how can our community how could how can we wrap around families like that?

SPEAKER_00 31:14

You know, there's there's countless, uh, countless families and countless people that invested in us as a as individuals and then also as a family. You know, I I remember every Christmas for multiple years having the church bring gifts, you know, and just so that we could we could experience that because we, you know, we had um, you know, we got one present.

unknown 31:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:39

You know, we got we got one one present because that that was what we could afford. And my mom, again, and my birthday was also five days before Christmas. And and uh my mom always did a good job of making sure that it wasn't like, okay, this is the joint Christmas and birthday gift, you know. And I made it sound like she had a really low voice there, but um, but she doesn't. She has a normal voice. Um but but anyway, but but we had we had church people that that delivered um things uh to us that we didn't know who they came from, you know, and and we we had people that that would come and and just help in any way that that we needed. But you know, like I said earlier, I think one of the greatest ways that that God showed his faith was to me personally, was having so many guys that that invested in me. Um and that's even just even when as I was I told you about the the senior pastor that hired me, he was another guy. He was the he was one of those guys that um he modeled the kind of like husband, dad, and pastor that I wanted to be like. And he taught me early on. Um, he said, Tom, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you a couple things. Number one, um, the ministry can be a lazy uh great place for lazy people to hang out because there can be low accountability. So just um always ensure that you're a good steward of your time um because we're all accountable to the Lord. Um and then he he said, Um the other thing I want you to know is um in your preaching, always make the word primary because um it's the power of the word that will transform a life. Um your stories, your charisma, your jokes, your woo. Yeah, I mean, all the stuff that that that um that I utilize, whatever he said, Tom, all of that is to be supplemental to the word. Um it's very easy just to make that become the word, but that's all to supplement the word and help it come alive. Um, but always make the word primary. And that was that was probably the most important thing that I could have learned. And so that's just one of my major focuses as I preach is just, man, give people the the meat of the scripture and give them a love for the word um because that's what's so important to us as we're continuing to grow into understanding what it is to become more like Jesus, is is just our love for the word and and growing in our understanding of how that applies to our life.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

Yeah. Biblical truth, truth, truth, truth. Like I just we we've gotten so far away from that. So that's and how long ago was that that he said that to you when you were just starting out?

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Yeah, I I I started my job there September 1st, 2001. Wait, excuse me, 1999. Yep, 1999, 2001 is when I say I was born. So um all those years. So 1999, September one is when I started that that job. And so this will be um this year, September 21, it'll be 25 years of full-time industry.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

So you had a different path um that that Tommy was gonna go on, and God had uh really great sense of humor in putting you uh exactly where Laura Laura painted you there, and there you are now. Exactly. Um So I I just think about that, that the parallels in that because your your pain and things that you didn't have as a child, you flipped that and God used that for you to step into being a youth pastor to speak into the lives of little Tommies.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Yeah, and and again, that was just something that that I w I didn't intend to do. Right. Um, but I looked at the people like Alan Keyswell, Reed DeVries, um, Dan Larson, who were my youth pastors and youth leaders, who um just helped me so much. And I was like, well, maybe I could go and do that for other people. And and to be able to do it in the local church context to then doing it in more of a national speaker context um uh later on, that was just how God wanted to use me at that time. And and now it's in a a different, different uh way. And you know, even just how the the way that ResGen started um was unconventional. Um it was I knew God was telling me to leave the comforts of just a steady you know salary and and the platform that I did have at the time, I mean, which was working at at Lifelight and MCing and speaking at the Lifelight Music Festival, which was a pretty big deal. Um and and then going on tour and and there was all these things, but I just felt like I I needed to do something different. Um, not necessarily more or like more impactful or anything, but just different. And and so I dragged my feet for a long time. For a year and a half, I knew that I was supposed to to go and and launch something, not knowing what it would be, but launch something. Um and you know, the crazy thing is, is so about a year and a half into that, that I went to bed one night and had a dream. And I was standing before the Lord, and he said, Hey, great work. You're in. Well done, good and faithful servant, stuff that we all want to hear, right? And I was getting ready to go and find my tennis courts of gold that he had for me and all the different uh, you know, amenities to the to my mansion. And I have a list of them, by the way. Um and uh and he said, I just wish you would have trusted me more. I just wish that uh you would have um I had more territory, I had different ways I wanted to use you. I just wish you would have trusted me more. And then I woke up. I thought, man, that's weird. I'm never gonna eat at that Italian restaurant again. That has to be a food issue, right? So then uh the next night, um had the same dream again. Exact. And I'm like, that Mexican restaurant's out too now. Great. What's what do we got here? We're down, I mean, Suffoles didn't have that many restaurants at that time. We're getting we're getting down on the list. Um third night in a row, I had the same dream.

unknown 38:04

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

It wasn't Laura's cooking this time, was it? No, and it wasn't. And it wasn't, I was out of excuses. And so the next morning I woke up and I said to Laura, I said, listen, I don't know what what it's gonna be. I don't know what we're gonna call it, I don't know what it's gonna work look like. I don't even know if it's gonna work. But we gotta do it. We got we gotta launch into this thing. And you know what she looked at me and said? She looked at me and she goes, Finally. She's like, she's like, I've only been telling you for like a year and a half to do it. You know, and there's multiple other people that came and talked to me about that same thing. Um and it's just like sometimes I find that we are the like the people that actually go do it or whatever, like we're the last people to actually be like, Oh yeah, why don't you, yeah, we've only been telling you. Andrew Stanley, who you just saw at Date Night Comedy, um, I recorded a podcast with him just uh a couple days ago, and he said the same thing when he stepped into comedy. He had so many people come and saying, Why don't you go do comedy full time and leave this, you know, budget analyst job at some accounting office or whatever that you don't like, and then you're moonlighting at night. And but it's you know, you fear.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

You oh man.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

And the reality is that is I've found and and that we're we're gonna have fear in our life, right? And a lot of times I feel like even just that, we feel guilty about being fearful because we're not supposed to, oh, perfect love casts out fear. Man, I'm not supposed to be, man, I must not be a very good Christian. Um, but what I've found in my life, Amos and Heather, and I don't know if you've found this in yours, but even in when there's been medical issues in our family that have had me fearful, whether it was when Chase broke his femur for the second time and I wondered if he was ever gonna, you know, be able to walk and run like a kid, and now he's a scholarship runner at it in college. Oh, God's funny. Um, you know, Laura with um her neck surgery that she had to have and probably gonna need another one in the coming years, the fear that I had of her, you know, what happens if something goes wrong, she dies on the table. But the reality is that, and and I used to feel shame almost that I'm a I'm a minister, I'm a preacher, I'm a I'm a follower of Jesus, I shouldn't have fear. But what I found, at least for me, is that I believe that that that fear and faith can coexist. It's just which one's gonna win. And so for us, as we look at our world, and it's easy to look at our world right now and be fearful. I mean, you talked about like I mean it's it's crazy out there, right? And I know a lot of people, I know you guys too, do too. There's a lot of people out there, they live their life in fear. Yeah, like what is happening? Like, I mean, they won't leave their house, they're just I mean, whatever, right? And I get it, we gotta be smart. But when we live in fear, we are missing out on the opportunity to experience what God wants us to experience when we step out in faith.

SPEAKER_04 40:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:51

And so I don't know who needs to hear that today. Somebody needs to hear that, but because so many, so much time, I dred my feet for a year and a half because of fear.

SPEAKER_02 40:58

Yeah. Same.

SPEAKER_00 41:00

And then and then 14 years later, here we are. And I'm gonna be real with you, there are still days I'm fearful. There's still days I'm fearful. When we step into new territory and we're just like, I don't know if this is gonna work, we've done our best at like surrounding ourselves with godly counsel, prayer, you know, got looking at God's timing, all that kind of stuff. But there's no guarantees. But I do believe that when we have our motivation being about the glorification of Christ and walking with him and doing just, and God gets it. We're doing our best. I mean, he gets it. I mean, it's not like he doesn't know, yeah, but yet we act like we he doesn't understand, right? But um, so figuring out that that that balance, I think, is such a huge thing.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

He's such a big God, right? And we do him such a disservice by going, Are you sure about this? Are you really sure, God? And he's like, uh, hello. Last time I checked, I'm God.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

Like anything's possible.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

Well, and and if you look at the story of scripture, and I don't know where we get this, but I mean, so many times we're we get this mentality of, well, God could never use me. Well, no, that's that has to be somebody else because um I'm not, I don't have those skills or I don't have what it takes, or whatever, right? But that's like if you spend any time in the Word, you will see that God can literally use anyone, right?

SPEAKER_04 42:28

Anyone.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

And he does, and he did. And he does, and he continues to. There's no reason that God should use a person like me in any capacity. And if he uses me in some small way here in Sioux Falls, man, I'm grateful that he has.

SPEAKER_04 42:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:43

And you know, and at the end of the day, this is it's his deal. Rest Jenny, my deal. Yeah, it's his deal.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

You had to surrender, right? Like that's a big piece of it. People are like they you have to surrender those, those, those thoughts. Lay him at the cross and just say, let's go, use me.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

Yeah, because I mean, it starts with obviously a a surrender at first, right? Hey, I'm gonna surrender my life. I need I need forgiveness of my sin. I I need a relationship with Jesus. Okay, it starts with an initial surrender, but then it comes down to a daily surrender, a daily surrender of saying, okay, now what does this look like to walk in relationship with Christ on a daily basis? And that again is something Proverbs 69, we can end where we began. Um, we make our plans, but he orders our steps. And so as we as we start our day, think about how it changes our perspective of our day if we say, God, I just want to walk in step with you today. It's so it's so easy for Tom Henderson to walk in front of the Lord. Just being real with you.

SPEAKER_04 43:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:47

I mean, I'm I I'm I'm a driven cat, you know, and and I can get ahead of the Lord. Um, but God, would you, through the power of your Holy Spirit and the counsel that you've put around me, the the confirmation of the saints, all these people that you Put around me. God, would you help me just walk in step with you? I know that he's gonna walk. One of my favorite things, and I know we got to end, but um, you know, the prayer of you know, walk in front of me to shine the light about where I'm going, walk beside me and hold my hand and walk behind me to catch me when I fall. And just that whole idea of just walking with Jesus. That's what he did with the disciples. And that's all he wants to do with us. We put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything, right? All he says is, Tom, just walk with me today, would you? Just walk with me.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

Yeah, it's amazing how you can you can, if you confess, you just admit to yourself, I'm gonna mess up, I'm gonna get in the way. And when I do, Lord, just push me out of the way. Just give me a little nudge, and I know you can fix it. I'm grateful for that because it's gonna happen. It's not a matter of if it's a it's a win.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

And then also when you realize that he's orchestrating things in your life, there's something so powerful about that that the God of the universe, billions of people on this earth, he is somehow having an impact on you in your life, and that's really empowering, isn't it? So light in this darkness, and it's like, oh my gosh, God's doing something for me specifically. That just gives me goosebumps. And yes, there's fearfulness, but the first time I felt that I went, like something just clicked and went, This is huge. But he's he's working through me specifically. Yeah, and I think that's really exciting. So, but so yeah, like you said, someone needs to hear this. Take that first step, you'll get that first feeling, and you'll realize this isn't just a thought that's in my head. This is God telling you to do something, and he's got your back. He's gonna take care of you, and yes, you'll fall down, and yes, he'll get back up, and yes, you'll get in the way, and yes, he'll move you, and yes, he'll fix the fix the thing. And it's gonna be okay because he's gonna orchestrate this whole thing all the way through.

SPEAKER_00 45:47

And that's the power of of just yes, stepping forward in faith. But then the other thing I that I just think is so crucial is having those people around you that that, and I I talk about the wisdom of the saints, confirmation of the saints. I've leaned so heavily on just people who who I trust, who will tell me no, um, who know my heart and that walk with me as well. Because um that's why God gives us, you know, the whole idea of restoring generation of relationship with God and with each other. Um, yes, all we all we truly need is a relationship with Jesus, okay, right? I mean, for salvation, but he gives us the opportunity to have a relationship with other people. And when we surround ourselves with other people that are on the same line of thinking and and moving in the same trajectory as us, that helps shape us into more of who God wants us to be at the same time as well. And as we lean on them, because we we all have moments of weakness, I have I have dudes in my world that they are they are the strength. Yeah, God, God, um, God has provided guys in my world that I go to on the regular, especially around the men's stomach, because that's when I really feel the attack of the of the enemy at times, is that because he doesn't want the message to be written that that that God's placed in my heart, and I have mental blocks, and I have times where I'm in tears with my with my buddies on the phone and they're like, bro, listen, and they pray for me and they're sending me text messages, and that that is my that's my brotherhood that gives me the strength when I'm weak. So um that's been super important for me as well. And I know we've probably got to be done. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 47:22

That is that is critical. It is critical that we're walking because we're sinful creatures and because that we are under attack every day. We have to have those our our forces and our armies around us, um, and we have to choose them wisely. Yeah. That's another piece. Because God will the He will put those people in your life that are the incredible wise counsel, but there's also little sneakers that will pop in that are not sent from Him. So we have to pray pray for discernment as well.

SPEAKER_00 47:50

Yeah, I tell my boys all the time we're the average of the top five people we hang out with, you know. And we've we've all heard it, you know. I don't know how many books I've read it out of. I don't I don't know who said that first, but you know, they're probably like going, Do you know how many people say that? But um, but it's true. I mean, we do, and and we never outgrow that.

SPEAKER_02 48:07

Ever. Man, this has been good. Lots and lots of wisdom, little nuggets that people are gonna take a lot from this. So thank you, Tom, for sharing your heart, sharing your story, and for continuing to live out step by step every day with what God has called you to do. It's beautiful to watch. Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 48:23

Thank you. Thanks for the uh opportunity to share with you today. Yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 48:26

Thanks, Tom. Thank you so much for listening. We want to change lives through this podcast. And if you want to support this podcast or our guests, please see the links below for our Patreon and giving links.

SPEAKER_02 48:36

And like and subscribe and also share our podcast as much as possible. Thank you.