SPEAKER_04 0:00

Here comes a sun do. Here comes a sunda say it's all right.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

Hello, fortitude audience, and thank you so much for joining us today. I am sitting across the table from two beautiful ladies and my handsome husband Amos.

SPEAKER_04 0:30

Hello.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

Say hello, ladies. Hello. We have Brandy and we have Kira with us today. Um, and this topic is near and dear to my heart because, well, for many reasons that we will get into. Um, I love Gen Z. First off, Gen Z to me is such a unique group of people. I we have, I think our son falls in that category. He's 15. So I think there is something so beautiful about what's gonna come out of your guys' generation. And so, Kira, you being here and you being 18 years old, you're brave. You're so brave. Um, I've had the opportunity to know your mother, Brandy, for gosh, when did we meet Brandy? Jeez. 2000. I want to say it's probably 14. Probably, yeah. Because I think Amos and I were just dating when you and I had met. And it was in the business community and through our through your cousin who's a friend, Chris, Chris Halls, shout out to Chris. Um, and you know, I remember when I first met you, I was like, dude, I think you and I could have been sisters. Like, there's so much about the two of us that is alike. Um, and we met at at your house, and um, so gosh, Kira, you were just a little pumpkin. I know I was like that again, you know, that's like eight years ago. So um fast forwarding to today, I am just really grateful that you both are here to share your heart and to share your story because it's not an easy thing to do. Um, so Kira, you're 18. Yeah. You are graduating this year. Yeah. Are you excited? I'm so excited. I'm ready. Yeah. You've it's been um how many what 'cause what high school do you go to again? I go to O'Gorman. Okay, so you're at O'Gorman or Gorman, which is a private Catholic school here in Sioux Falls. Yes. A lot of our listeners are from all over the world, so we gotta Gorman is um how big? Like what how big is your class?

SPEAKER_05 2:30

Um uh I think over 100, 160 or something, 70 or something like that. Yeah. We have we have a pretty like big class for O'Gorman. Okay. But yeah, not too big, not too small, kind of right in the middle.

SPEAKER_03 2:43

And to to give a comparison, our other high schools here in Sioux Falls, we're talking like 400 plus per class. Yes. Not in school, because our school in in our class, we only have like 30 kids per class, and so we're talking hundreds. It's that that to me is a little bit overwhelming. Um, but when I think about high school and I think about in our community, we there's a lot of negative that is being said, and I want to nip that in the butt, but so bad because um when I look at generational trauma, which we talk a lot about on this podcast, the generational trauma that has been passed down a couple, like if you go back to great grandmas that we great the great greats, you didn't talk about nothing. You were hushed, you don't any type of uh disease or alcoholism or rape or any of that is all hush. If it happens to you, you don't talk about it, and then it's like our moms and dads are st were starting a little bit to discuss, and our society was starting to discuss that. Um your generation's screaming from the mountaintops. Yeah, and that is what I'm so grateful for. So can you just kind of talk a little bit about what you're seeing in school, what you're seeing in your own life at 18?

SPEAKER_05 4:07

Yeah, I mean, obviously I'm on a lot of social media. So I mean, through those platforms, you see people who are like, This happened to me, like, let's acknowledge it because this should not happen. And it's kind of like it's getting to the point where it's like, let me call out this name because I don't want this person to do this to the next person. So I think that's definitely really powerful because I mean, you're you're starting to make people take accountability, and I mean, nobody on social media wants to be called out and nobody wants to be like like have to take accountability, but it's like starting to make these people take accountability for like what they're doing.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 4:50

So I think that's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_03 4:51

Have you had anything specifically happen to you or to a friend that you have been a part of? Because I know that they talk a lot about cyberbullying. Have you witnessed any of that?

SPEAKER_05 5:05

Um, I mean, I mean, so something that's really big is cancel culture. So that's kind of where somebody takes one thing, one little mistake that somebody has made and makes it this huge deal, and then they cancel that person. So that's more of what I see. I mean, you see little things here and there where people are like, oh, this person's better than you, or oh, you're fat, you're ugly. And you see more of that, but I mean, as my generation goes, like you kind of just shake that off and focus on other things. But when you're in the spotlight, it's definitely a lot of like it's more, you know, it's more people trying to like tear you down, find little things that you're doing wrong.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Man, so when you that I mean, that's just a lot of negative, negative, negative, and so when you're having that continuously thrown at you, where do you go to to get away from that? Or because you I mean, I we we talk a lot, like we limit our time that our son can be on technology because otherwise that you but that's your generation, yeah. That's just that's what you know. So um I think it's it's good for our for people in our community, our culture, um, our our audience, even specifically with fortitude, it's like helping them understand that you guys don't know any different. Yeah. It's how you were raised. So it's not a bad thing. Um, it's just it is what it is, yeah. And how we can turn that and make it positive. So where do you go, Kira, to find positive?

SPEAKER_05 6:42

Well, um, a lot of problems that I face happen on Snapchat, unfortunately, because that's definitely a huge communication for teenagers. So when somebody's coming at me from Snapchat and I'm like, oh, you wouldn't do this to me in person. Like, why are you doing it over the phone? But when that happens, I get off Snapchat and I just I kind of revert to myself and I'm like, okay, well, if you're gonna do this on my phone, I'm gonna put my phone away and I'm gonna find, like, I'm gonna read, or I'm gonna go pray, or I'm gonna go talk to my mom. And it's kind of like I didn't know this until recently, but being comfortable with myself and knowing how to like take a break from my phone and all that negative negativity that kind of set me apart from like being really depressed to starting to feel like I have a place.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Wow, that's so mature. When you say they're coming at you, what do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_05 7:47

So girls obviously have a lot of drama. So um, kind of if I'm at school or something and I'm like, oh, like this person seems upset with me, like let me let me text them once I get home. So I I'll text them, I'll be like, hey, like what's going on? Like, what's happening? Feel like something's off, and then they'll be like, Well, you're a terrible person, and you've done this, this, and this wrong. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, now like let's talk about it. Like, what's like what is going on? And they're like, No, like you are a terrible person.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

They're literally saying terri things like you're a terrible person.

SPEAKER_05 8:22

Yes, yeah, and but they wouldn't normally say that you know, no, like they wouldn't say like you get back to school and they're like, Oh, hey.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Like nothing happened, like there was no conversation.

SPEAKER_05 8:32

Yeah, really?

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Is it is it possible that their interpretation of terrible is is you know, like it's not the essence of the world. When the you when used in this in the context of Snapchat, are they just saying like it's in the way of it's a way of like putting exclamation point, exclamation point, point. But it's actually just means so I kind of like I'm I'm upset with you, yes.

SPEAKER_05 8:58

Um I think definitely um I even find myself doing it where I get so caught up in the moment where I'm like, let me say this, and that gets my point across, and then I'm like, oh, I didn't even mean that. Like, I'm sorry, like this is not what I meant. And I think that happens a lot because you get so caught up in the moment, and like when you're behind a screen, it is so easy to get caught up in the moment because you you're not hearing what the other person's like trying to say. And I find myself doing that where someone says something and I'm like, oh, they sound really mad, and they're like, Oh no, like I I wasn't at all. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Uh-huh. All right. So are emojis used in the conversation?

SPEAKER_05 9:34

Um, not as not anymore, but like definitely used to, I guess. Okay. But I think it would help. Yeah, for sure. Just like a smiley skitty.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

Um I I mean, to be fair, it's it's hard to get the essence of what you're trying to say and what you're feeling across in short form messages.

SPEAKER_05 9:53

No, for sure, but I think people feel more comfortable. Like, instead of going face to face and being like, hey, like, let's solve this now. They're like, oh no, like I'll text you about it.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Do you think that's because of they go to the safe place, they use the safe method because of insecurities in their lives and no, for sure. And what do you think is like the root cause of that insecurity? I mean, besides just being a teenager and growing up and have the pressures of life.

SPEAKER_05 10:21

Um I mean it's hard because it it has to be different for everyone. I mean, some of my personal experiences is like I'm always afraid I'm not gonna get everything out. And I'm like, if I text it, like I know I can get everything out and just send it your way. But like when you're face to face, it's hard because like if you move on past one thing, you're like, oh, I don't want to bring this up because then I'm starting another problem. I'll just let it go. But like over text, you can get everything out and just be like boom, boom, boom, and then they're like they attack back.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

I see. So it's it's a chance to really vent.

SPEAKER_05 10:58

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

And then the venting, even though you've got the best intention, it can go around. Yeah. And then there's a escalation and conflict. And I see. Yeah. Yeah. We've never done that, have we? We're pretty good about that, actually. We were pretty good about pick up the phone and do it, do do you do do you ever do that? Do you just call them back and just say Um I have before?

SPEAKER_05 11:20

Like, there's been there was a very like huge situation in my life that kind of was a turning point in like I do need to get help for kind of the depression and anxiety that I was feeling. But when that happened, I called everyone that was in the situation. I was like, hey, like, let's get this out. But again, like when you're not in person and there's no one else around, it's really easy to point out things that maybe the other person has done or that you don't like about the other person and then feel safe about it.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Yeah, I see. You know, I'm what I'm hearing is that we both have responsibility, both ends, both parties. Yes, the sender and the receiver. The sender has a responsibility to be careful about what they say. Yes. The receiver also has a responsibility to fully understand that text is uh is hard to get across yes and don't jump to conclusions. Yes. Seek ask questions, seek to understand, ask clarifying questions. Yeah. And if it's still, you know, if you go through several rounds of that, it's still clear that they're upset, then you know, pick up the phone, yeah, have a voice conversation.

SPEAKER_03 12:28

One thing I've I got a lot right now from that. But in relationships in general, one thing my husband has taught me is to always seek to understand. Because truly everybody just wants to be understood and wants to be heard, like their side of it. And then you can agree to disagree. Yep. I mean, you don't have, but just if every party just has the conversation and seeks to understand, our marriage is so much better just due to that one point of communication.

unknown 12:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Um Brandy, you and I and Amos, and I look at the the 40s ishes um who have the Kiras, we have a very, very important job right now. Very like as parents, helping you guys walk through this and being open and having the communication and the leadership and not dictatorship, not this is what needs to be done or whatever, but how we react to things and how we communicate things, we are modeling it to our children. And if we don't step in and we don't start to have these really tough conversations with our children, this is going on behind closed doors in their bedrooms. And that's scary because there is not only just the, oh, you're terrible, oh you are too, the back and forth, the the really, really kind of petty stuff. Yeah, there's also text messages that are going back saying you should kill yourself.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Yep. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 13:56

Whoa. Like that happens more often than someone would think. Yes. What do they call that? It it's like isn't it just an acronym? Like it's not they don't write out all the words.

SPEAKER_05 14:08

KYS.

SPEAKER_03 14:09

KYS.

SPEAKER_05 14:10

Yeah. What does it stand for? Kill yourself.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Right. Three letters that can destroy someone. Yeah. I and and a family. And because of all those pressures, like you talk about it's not just the simple small little words. And over time, yes, it I mean, like you get beat up with all the other stuff, but man, like that's not okay. Yeah. Brandy.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Yeah, it's hard. I mean, I think for me, and like I'm super lucky that Kira and I have an open relationship and that we talk about pretty much everything, even things that like I know I would never have talked to my mother about when I was in high school. So I'm super blessed that we have built that relationship. But it what's really hard for me is seeing her, you know, when those things are going on, you know, like my visual is like you just now fast forward her and throw her on an island, right? And she's just like isolated and feels alone. And I think as a parent, you know, I've and she'll be the first to tell you, I've handled a lot of situations wrong because I'm like one of those people where if there is a conflict going on, I'm going to talk to you face to face. I'm going to, you know, hey, I it's the personal accountability responsibility, but that's not how they communicate. And I've had to really accept that and and try to help her in ways that are like, okay, if that's not how you're communicating, then, you know, try this. Or sometimes I just have to listen. And, you know, I think we've talked about it before. I've handled situations so poorly when she's come to me with something because I'm a fixer and I think that, you know, girl drama is dumb. Um, but to her, it's important, right? To me, it's at my age, of course, I have that hindsight. I've lived through it. I understand how petty it is. And I'm just like, just brush it off. That's ridiculous. She shouldn't even be wasting your time. But it is very important to them and it is real. And the way they feel, being, you know, she's told me, you know, I feel alone. And that like rips the soul from your body as a parent. Um, because there's nothing you can do about it. I can't go to your school and I can't help you. You know, I just, and again, you know, I've I've talked to her about, you know, ask God to help you, ask God to walk with you. You know, I mean, I you may not find the answer right away, but you'll feel you'll feel better about the situation. And I think, you know, that's something that, you know, her and I talk about. And I think it's something that, you know, when I talk about you have to be okay being alone because sometimes you are alone. Sometimes you are out on an island, right? So I don't know, it's just hard because again, that's how they communicate. And her and I have had conversations where I'm like, why don't you just talk to them? And she's like, or why don't you have a normal conversation with somebody? And she's had to remind me that's not how we communicate, mom. That's not, this is how we communicate. I am having a conversation with somebody. Yeah. And it's so different from the way I grew up that, you know, but it's it's easy for us to criticize. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Because we don't, because we don't get it.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Oh, I've got all the easy answers to help you. None of which help her, right? You know, none. You know, she's like, yeah, thanks for nothing, right? But um, sometimes it's just listening and not doing anything. And that's something she's had to tell me. I don't need you to fix my problems. I just need you to be here and listen. Maybe it's sitting down and having movie night, or hey, do you want to go get Chick-fil-A and you know, just veg out on the couch, or do you want to go for a walk, or you know, hey, do you want to just spend some quality time together? And I think that has really helped us just being in the moment and being there, knowing that like I know you can't fix my problems, but I know you are here for me. That's been really key for us. And that's something she taught me. I didn't, I can't take the credit for that because she's had to tell me that I don't need you to fix my problems. When I ask you for help and your advice, then I'm soliciting it, right? But sometimes I just I'm hurting and I just have to hurt, and it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Wow. That's it's so mature. And and and I mean, how grateful are you, Brandy, that she says those things?

SPEAKER_01 18:15

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

And because there's I'm sure there's plenty of teenagers out there who just who are thinking that, but they can't express that. Yeah, but they don't know they're thinking that, but they express it in some way that's confusing.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Well, and it's like a gift to me because as a parent, I think again, we get judgy and we get criticizing, you know, or we'll criticize and we'll just be like, well, there's an easy way to handle that, right? And so that kind of creates that separation where now I feel like as a teenager, I don't have a safe space to go to my parents, and I don't have a safe space because when I do go to them, I don't feel heard. I don't feel like, you know, even though they might think this problem is silly, it's not, it's real to me. And so I think that's a gift that she's given me is that, and again, I don't get it right every time she'll tell you that, but um, it's a gift because we have such a strong, beautiful relationship because of it.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

And I was so grateful that she had the courage to tell me, hey, you're kind of doing it wrong.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

She did not say that, but you have you said one thing that was really critical I'd like to like to highlight, and that is you encouraged her to pray about it.

unknown 19:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

And I think we've learned some through some of the books and lessons that we've taken is that if your teenagers leave the house with one thing, what's the one thing that they need to have a grasp on, and that's that relationship with Christ. Yes, right? Absolutely nothing else matters. Absolutely because there's nothing you can do once they leave, they've got to have that relationship. And you instilled that from an early age by that being the foundation. Yes. I just wonder I just want to highlight that for our listeners.

SPEAKER_03 19:51

And to piggyback on that, where do they go after high school? They leave your house, they go into college. I would say I grew up in a Christian home. Um, it was very teeter-tottered, like, you know, party and go to church, and then party and go to church. So there was always a little bit of confusion in my brain as to how a Christian should be your actor, like the relationship with Christ was never really a point. Right. And for all the parents and for the kids, man, I wished with all my heart that I would have sought out once I went to college another um family or friends that had that same nucleus, that same center of who they were in Christ. Because when you know who you are in Christ, you start to gravitate towards those others, the others who are going to want to, you're gonna make each other want you, you how do you say that? You make each other want to be better. So it's like, I want to be better for you as a friend because dang, you're awesome. And then you start to like compound on one another in such a beautiful way. And so even when I worked as a server at Applebee's, there were couples that would come in and sit my section, and I was so grateful because they spoke life into me. I was away from my family, I was away from everything I knew. And so, even though you'll still be together, you won't be physically in the same vicinity. So it's like just man, seek out somebody that's gonna be of incredible influence. Find a church to go to, your church family. Um because knowing who you are in Christ, everything else just kind of circ circles around you in such a powerful way.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

So preach on honey.

SPEAKER_03 21:33

Oh man, yeah. So um, thank you for sharing all that, Brandy, because there are a lot of a lot of friends, a lot of people that do not have a good relationship with their with their children. They've already broken it, they've already done every single thing to try to be in their life, but their child has completely pushed them out.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

Um what would be your advice to them, Brandy, to try to work on getting them?

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Back. Never stop trying, first of all. Um you know, I mean, there are times where cure well when we argue, we both hate it. Like literally, like we've snapped at each other and have just, you know, and like instant regret, like instantly like, oh my gosh, why would I say that?

SPEAKER_05 22:18

Like, oh, it's horrible. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

But I I think my advice to them again is never stop trying. I I think listening, asking them what they need. What do you need from me? What can I do for you? How can I help you? But also knowing that they have a a responsibility in it as well. You know, Kira knows she's just as responsible for the way she treats me as the way I treat her in our relationship, right? It's it's both of us have to make that work. But I think where I've grown as a parent is just by stopping shutting my mouth and stop pretending like I have all the answers because I don't, and saying, What do you need for me? How can I help you? Yeah. And just never just that relentless pursuit of continuing that relationship and keeping those lines of communication open. I just, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

So, Kira, you have shared so much that is going to be helpful to a lot of people when it comes to the social media pressures and all the stuff that your generation is going through. And so thank you for sharing all that.

SPEAKER_04 23:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

Something I want to really touch on is sports. And you are a six-one. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

Right.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

So I think we already touched on that, but you're six-one and you are an incredible athlete. Thank you. And that does not come from you're welcome. That does not come from uh sitting on the couch eating potatoes, potato chips, and then running out to go play some sports. It is pretty natural for you. However, you've had a lot of pressure and you've had a lot of influences in your life, good and bad. And so I'd like you just to share a little bit about what you've gone through in the in the sports arena.

SPEAKER_05 24:00

Yeah, for sure. Um I think there have been a lot of positive coaches and a lot of negative coaches. I'm gonna touch on the positive first. Um there are coaches out there that when I am pitching, because I've I'll talk about softball mostly. Um when I am pitching, I always have that thought in the back of my head, like, you have to throw this perfect. If it's not perfect, like why are you even playing? And a lot of coaches that I've worked with have seen that and then been like, it's fine. You had one bad pitch, doesn't make you a bad player, but you know you need to work on it. You just need to work on the consistency, and it's the positive reinforcement, especially like in practice, will carry over to a game. So then when I'm in that situation, I throw a bad pitch and maybe someone hits a home run, I'm like, doesn't matter. Like that was one pitch. This is one game, I've got a next one, I've got a next pitch, like it doesn't end here, like it will continue. But then I think there's also um some negative coaches that I've worked with where it's like if you don't work 24-7 and you're not pushing yourself to like literally collapsing in your bed and wanting to cry because you're in so much pain. Like, if you're not to that point, you're not working hard enough. Or you pitch something and it's just not really where it's supposed to be, or a ball or two off, it's like the end of the world, and then you think it's the end of the world, and then you get in a game and your anxiety kicks in. And you think to all those coaches who are like, you've got to pitch it perfect, you have to pitch it perfect, and you're like, Okay, I have to pitch it perfect, like it this has to happen. And then the anxiety kicks in, you start pitching bad, and then you think I'm such a terrible pitcher, and you're taught and it's reinforced in your brain that if you don't, if every pitch isn't perfect, you're a terrible pitcher. So I think it kind of I'm glad that I've gotten to where I am, to where like now that I'm pitching, I like can understand that a little better, but it's definitely hard, especially when you're young when you have those, you know, grown adults telling you that, and you you're young, so you're you believe them. It's like, yeah, you're right. You're you're right. You've done this longer than me. Like you're you've been coaching teams, and I've there's been multiple coaches, but it's just kind of it's tough, but it works in the movies.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

That negative that negative pressure.

SPEAKER_05 26:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

You tell someone something negative and they all of a sudden they just they flip.

SPEAKER_05 26:35

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

So that you're saying that doesn't work in real life.

SPEAKER_05 26:38

No, it doesn't work.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

That is counterproductive.

SPEAKER_05 26:41

It is so counterproductive, and it's um it's hard because a lot of I'm sure there's a lot of young girls out there who it just consumes you, and it can it doesn't just consume you in your sports, it it will consume you in every aspect of your life.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

And I've heard that multiple times from different parents that have kids that are in sports, or even just for mine, you know, with Jacob being in sports too. I'm like, man, just as long as you give it your all, but you're all compared to what someone else's thinks your all is. I think that's where the unfair pressure comes from. Um the eating disorders and some mental stuff that has gone on behind the scenes with these kids with that kind of a kind of pressure, is it can get pretty ugly. And so I appreciate you sharing that.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Um just doesn't end when the game ends, does it? No, it does not.

SPEAKER_03 27:33

No, yep. And not only does that take it home, but usually when you have coaches that are doing this, you will also have that parent pressure because the coach then gets after the parent, or the parent um is hearing other parents talk or talking about like, oh, well, that wasn't a very good game, Kira. You know, like there's this, there's this back chatter that it gives me goosebumps when I think of it, you guys, because it is everywhere and it's really, really hard. So, Brandy, um, as a mom, I guess, share a little bit about what you because I I yeah, here just go ahead. I see the look. Just don't just I got this.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

Yeah, I mean, I would say in the beginning, I probably added to the pressure of Kira and the way she felt in a negative way. And that's a really hard lesson to learn as a parent. And, you know, of course, Kira's a pitcher. So she's on the mound, she's touching that ball every play, right? And so everybody's like, if Kira has a bad game pitching and we lose, well, you know, and you get all this self-conscious, and you're like, oh my gosh, and you get all this pressure, and then that then interprets into your kid. And I've seen so many times, and I've been guilty of this, and I, and it still rips me to know that I put that pressure on her. And that was my, you know, that was my burden to carry. And I just picked it up and threw it right back on her when she's already putting that pressure on herself. And I learned maybe not very quickly, Karen. Um, I was gonna say very quickly, but she'd be like, no, you didn't. Um, it took me some time to learn that I am not there to judge her playing ability. I'm there to support her. Yeah. And throughout life, you're gonna have success and you're gonna have failure. And one pitch, one game is not gonna determine your success or failure in your life. It's how you handle that failure and how you handle that success. And I think the, you know, the more time that went on and the more games that we went to, it actually made me enjoy the game a lot more. Because I see these parents yelling at their kids, getting mad, you know, kids throwing fits. And I just, I literally, you know, we would get done with games that we've lost, you know, or played badly. And Kira would come home. It's that negative self-talk, right? It's that pressure she's put on herself. And I said there were more than just you out on that field. There are nine players on that field. Yeah. And if you don't have offense, and if you know what I mean, it takes all nine players to lose a game, and it takes all nine to win one. And that is not for you to carry that entire burden. And I had to learn that too late, unfortunately. And so if I had to give parents any advice, and I'm serious when I say this, they're already putting the pressure on themselves, they're already feeling that. Be with them, walk with them through the success and the failure. And you are not there to judge their play, you are there to support them whether they win or lose. And they need to know that when you get in the car and it's a, you know, it was a crap game. You're right, it was a crap game. What are your choices from today forward?

SPEAKER_02 30:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

You can show up tomorrow with that same mentality and let it consume you and let it eat you, or you can show up tomorrow and say, you know what? I wasn't perfect today, and that's okay. Tomorrow I'm gonna work on that. Tomorrow I'm gonna pick one thing that, hey, my my bat was an honor, you know. And I think we've gotten to the point where that is a much more positive conversation after games, wouldn't you think?

SPEAKER_05 31:24

Yeah, I mean, even if I do have that, because sometimes with negative, you can't help it. And I've told her this give me five minutes to rant and get everything off my chest, whether it's correct or not, and then we can talk about how we're gonna move forward. And I think that's definitely helped because on the first half of the drive, I'm like going at it. I'm like, oh my God, I'm just constant negativity. And then after that, we hit that point and it's all positive. Okay, I did this wrong, but I know that because I've been working on it all week and I know how to fix it. And it was one game, and I did this all tournament correctly, and then I got to the one game. So just working on the consistency, and I mean, her there supporting me being like, Well, do you want to do this on Monday? Like, should we go see this coach? And I'll be like, Yeah, like let's put the time in, let's put the effort in and get it done.

SPEAKER_03 32:16

What I am hearing can this consistent is the communication between you as mother and daughter, and you have a plan. You guys, between the two of you, you're like, okay, this is what's gonna happen. A, once A is done, we're gonna move into how are we gonna fix it? So it's like you're you're let allowing yourself to feel the feels. You feel them, you let them out, and then you have a plan to circle back around to attack it in a really positive, reinforcing way. Yeah, that's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

You guys teamwork, like it's not a push-pull relationship, that's teamwork.

SPEAKER_03 32:47

That's how it should work across the board on the whole team and with the parents and with the kids, the the support that y'all should feel. You know, we have three little girls, and we've we just got done with coach pitch t ball. Um, so you have these little five-year-olds and little six, seven-year-olds running around who don't really know the game. And um, another thing that I would encourage parents to do, and that is to cheer for all kids, not just your own. Um, there is a there's something about when the kids are out there and they're, you know, they're swinging and they can't hit, it's like, it's okay, it's all right, you got this. Like the encouragement from the crowd can I oh, as an athlete myself, like that used to make me tear up after the game. I'd go up to different moms and be like, Missy, thank you so much, or whoever, and just thank you for cheering for me because that made all the difference. Um, and so even when things are good or bad or they're not, I mean, just really to step up and be in partnership with everybody involved and not be yelling negative, not be yelling, not be whispering, just to be so supportive, right? And this whole tough love thing, one more, one more uh thing. I think you touched on it a little bit with the coaches, and that's um people will say, Well, I'm doing it because it's it's it's tough love. This is the way they do it. Tough love is good, they need it. What is your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_05 34:18

Um I think yes and no. I think there's some tough love where like kids definitely need a push. Like, I have so many, like the pitching coach I work with now, I'll be pitching and he'll be like, hey, I know you're tired, but let's go. Like, you gotta pick it up because I know you can give more. But that and being like, you are just so terrible. You suck as a pitcher. Like, I think there's a difference, and there's a line you shouldn't cross, and the line is harping on the athlete's ability. I think the tough love with like, hey, I know you can give, I know you can give a little more because I've seen you do it before. Like, I just want you to give all that you have. That tough love versus the negative harping on the athlete's ability, I think that's kind of that's the negative and positive. And it's it's hard to differentiate uh for sure.

SPEAKER_03 35:20

But it comes with the respect beforehand. Yep. Because it's almost like a permission. Once you have deposits in the bank, like with an athlete or with a kid, just in general from parenting, those the when you're positive, when they say tough love, there's gotta be love first. Yep. Then you can be tough.

SPEAKER_02 35:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 35:36

And the tough is not throwing daggers, it's the encouragement in a more stern way because they know what you're capable of. Yeah. Because right, like there's that difference in there that's beautifully done by the really great coaches and the really great teachers. And they're, I mean, and if you don't know how to do it, there's so many resources out there. I mean, I, as a parent and a previous coach, I didn't know. I wasn't born with it. I had to teach myself and learn and educate myself on some of the best practices. And there's, man, there's some great leaders out there that have written books or have done podcasts or they've done different things, and they inform us of ways to do it. And so those who have competitive edge, parents and coaches, and they're still living through their through their kids, that's also a really uh hurtful negative thing. Um, so that's just another thing to touch on that that there's a lot of education out there for that as well. Um, this is this has been so good. I am grateful that you too have the relationship that you do to be able to share with our audience uh because if we had more uh parent, daughter, parent, son, parent, whatever relationships like this with that open communication and a plan and and just speaking into each other's lives from both arenas, because you've talked about that. You've talked about how she's taught you, Brandy, and and vice versa. So it's really beautiful. Is there any last things you want to share in regards to that? I don't think so. No, I don't think so either. Okay, it's like I want you guys to hug or something. But don't move the mic. All right. Well, thank you so much. I'm excited for the the part two of our um episode with y'all. So we'll be back.

SPEAKER_04 37:27

Thank you.