SPEAKER_02 0:00

Here comes a sun do do. Here comes a sun da say it's all right.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Hello, fortitude audience. Thank you so much for being with us today. Um, I'm your host, Heather Kittelson, and I have my husband Amos here with me as the co-host.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Today we have Jesse and Reed Johnson in our studio with us, and they are fabulous friends who we adore. Um, so thank you for being here today.

SPEAKER_05 0:40

Yeah, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Your story, I've been intrigued since we attended, well, I mean, we attended your wedding, which was also that whole, man, you guys had fireworks at your wedding. Yeah. Inside, mind I add.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Um but that you didn't know about, did you?

SPEAKER_05 0:59

Were they a surprise to you? That was a surprise. Yeah. They said we have a surprise for you at some point. Just go ahead and do your thing and don't be expecting anything. And all of a sudden, we're in our dance that we had prepared for months, and all of a sudden, boom, there they go off. Fireworks.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

I'm looking for a fire extinguisher going, uh, is this expected?

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Right. And hopefully no one is standing over one of them because that could have been brutal. Um, your your story about like just the Brady Bunch, right? Like you guys get referred to as the Brady Bunch. Um explain who you are today, and then we'll lead into both of your guys' backstories.

SPEAKER_05 1:38

Okay, I'm Reed Johnson, one of Jesse and I, and our seven kids live in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Um, we are a blended family. Um Jesse and I met a handful of years ago, and we each had three kids, and both to our surprises, and one thing led to another, and a few years later after that, ended up getting married, and we're blessed to have you guys at it. But um, yeah, that's kind of our that's our our world. Uh obviously we we do things, we go to work, we have have social lives, but our kids are our world right now.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Yeah, because you just added, so you had the six, and then you just had little Rowan, yes, who uh is a huge blessing because you guys got to see what one looks like that you made, which is so special.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Yeah, and seeing the rest of our kids and how much they love him and adore him, and um yeah, just all of them together is special.

SPEAKER_05 2:34

Yeah, it is. And and that's one thing I probably didn't anticipate as much was was the love and and adoration that they were gonna have for him.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:43

Um, they're irritated if they come home and he's now going to a nap, yeah. Going to a nap.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

If it's about they're like, Oh, is he going to sleep?

SPEAKER_01 2:52

Oh, because the joy is reciprocated, right? Like it did I say that right? Yes, ma'am. Yeah. Thank you. Sometimes I'll say words and Emils will be like, nope, that wasn't, that wasn't right. Um, but just the it's back and forth. It's so beautiful to watch. Because when I came to your guys' house um to see Rowan and meet him, and just to watch your kids and how they like the just the smiles and the joy that each other brings to each other is really neat.

SPEAKER_05 3:18

So and a little bit more just about the kids. Five of them are teenagers, so we're going through that right now, which can be heavy at times, but but teenagers really coming together with him being kind of a focal point where like we'd we'd have dinner, and a lot of times they just scatter to their rooms or wherever to go drive off somewhere. But it it became a thing where they'd get done with dinner and they'd wander off, but they'd wander to where he was. He was if he's hanging out in the living room and his little bouncer thing. Well they'd all congregate and hover and argue about who gets him and how long, which was great to see.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Oh, and a bunch of helpers. So it's not like a newborn that is consuming your new marriage, you know what I mean? Because that was what that was for us in the very beginning. We had Britney right away. But you guys have older kids to help and take care of them and love them. So you guys can go still do date night and things like that, which is nice. So the the story of adoption in our society, there is a there's a lot that encompasses that, the struggles of it, the the financial of it, all of the things. And I want to really speak into your life, Reed, and then Jesse will get to you in just a second on on your the way you were up brought up. But explain a little bit about how you were raised, where you come from, and the life that that you I guess led as a kid.

SPEAKER_05 4:42

Yeah. So adoption is kind of a key word here that is a theme throughout our conversation today. And I was um put up for adoption immediately after being born and was in a foster home for just a brief time, about a month. And then uh my parents, um, Dave and Jan um had gone through the adoption process and got lined up with me. So yeah, pretty soon after I was I was born, um, they picked me up and uh went through Lutheran social services for that.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

So it is local. Like you, it was a local adoption.

SPEAKER_05 5:14

Yep, local adoption. And that's it. That's that was that was my life. I didn't know any different. And I don't know exactly a time when I um knew that I was adopted. It just uh is probably one of an earlier memories that that just kind of came about, but they were always my parents. I didn't know any different. Um I do remember I had a book that was, I think, entitled Why Was I Adopted? So I know my parents were you know going through that with me and and explaining to me at a young age. Okay. Um, but yeah, had a a great upbringing and and um there was always a curiosity that these are my parents and I love them and and they love me very much. But there was there was always a little curiosity out there, like you know, are they across the street? I might have thought that when I was younger. Are they, you know, in a town close by? Are they hundreds of miles away? I don't know. There was always a little curiosity there. And and because of that, I think growing up, I thought someday I'll I'll reach out and try to find my biological family and and uh see what's up with that.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

So how old were you when your parents told you?

SPEAKER_05 6:20

I was probably about the five, six age, right around there.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

Okay. Did it make sense to you?

SPEAKER_05 6:27

Yeah, I'm kind of a go with the flow type of person, I guess. I always have been. So there wasn't a big old storming out and any weird thing like that. It was just okay, that's what it is. And and um, even with that knowledge, didn't look at my my parents any different because they had unconditional love for me and and gave me a really good upbringing.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

That's really neat, Reed, because uh there's the opposite. There's the opposite stories of once a child has found out that they are adopted, they actually resent their parents and they're upset and they feel like they've been betrayed. Um, so that is a common thing. The fact that you did not feel any of those thoughts, I that when we first talked about it, I was blown away by that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:06

Yeah, that might have been my personality a little bit, like I said, but also with having loving parents that wanted to nurture a good upbringing for me, I'm sure. And with my mother being a teacher and kind of know how to explain things very well, that probably helped.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Yeah, your parents are fabulous. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

And I think too, probably starting that conversation early on.

unknown 7:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Rather than, you know, well, sometimes people wait until they do 18 and hear, you know, you're adopted or it's a lot, probably a lot easier to feel like you've been lied to.

SPEAKER_05 7:37

Yeah. If people might say or feel that way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

That's a that's great advice for for our listeners who may be considering adoption or have adopted and have not yet shared with their kids. So you're you're saying that it's probably a good idea to to start them out young, younger than wait until they're older.

SPEAKER_05 7:57

Yeah, early on. They're still learning so many things as it is that just go ahead and throw that right in there with them and yeah, hope it'll be all right.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

And show them nothing nothing but love. Yep. That was the big thing.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

This is how you pour the milk. This is how you hold it. Oh, by the way, you're adopted. Do you this is how you close the cereal bag.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

And you pour it here somewhere one day.

unknown 8:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Um, so you were adopted, but then you also got a brother.

SPEAKER_05 8:22

I did. So not long after I found out I was adopted, uh, just within a couple years, uh, my parents made a very big decision to travel to Romania in the early 90s and um seek adoption there as well. And I can't, I can't being a parent, I can't imagine doing this. I was seven years old and they took me with. Got me out of school. Um, it was at the beginning of the school year, October, November time frame. And I went with them for two weeks to Romania. And you want to talk about an eye-opening experience.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

And you're in first grade.

SPEAKER_05 8:58

Yeah, I'm in first grade, um, growing up in a very small bubble living in Esteline, South Dakota, population around 700, going uh, you know, first plane ride. It's overseas, and you get off that plane, and it is extremely eye-opening. Um, I knew it was, you know, we're going on a trip, we're gonna, you know, get a brother for you. Yay, that's kind of all I was I was thinking at the time. But to see a different world at that young of an age was quite the experience.

SPEAKER_04 9:26

Was it do was it the was it culture or was it was it poverty? What was what were you saying? What was the biggest difference?

SPEAKER_05 9:34

Definitely culture and poverty. Um the poverty was was tough to see uh beings. Um, you know, I was in a a good stable home, good, good little, small little town in eastern South Dakota, and um, you know, had had what I needed, and then to get out and walk through the streets and see kids that are homeless and to kind of walk by them. And and I'm sure I was I was staring at everything, looking at everything as kids do, which is totally curious, which is totally normal. And to look at some kids in the eyes and you know, see the little bit of you know, despair and that's just with them constantly. And you know, here I am running in. I'm gonna get a new brother, and the world is great. And and you know, it brought me, you know, brought me down a little bit, but kind of was eye-opening to to what the world has outside of my small little area in South Dakota.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

And your uh brother uh uh was little, like he was a baby.

SPEAKER_05 10:34

Yeah, I th he was uh six, seven months when when we traveled over there, and and um my father Dave stayed an extra two weeks. So my mom and I traveled back after the first two weeks and he stayed an extra two weeks to kind of go through the adoption process and and finalize that. And and um so yeah, he was he was just a few months old when when uh we got him.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

How did you receive that, receive having a brother?

SPEAKER_05 10:58

It was pretty cool. Um can only hang out hang around with my parents for so long. So to have someone else in the house to be able to jump and bounce around with was pretty neat. We are seven years apart, so a little bit of an age difference there, but but uh it was it was fun. It was great to have have another brother, uh, be able to wrestle with and throw around and torment was was excellent.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Oh man. So as you as you're growing up with your brother and your parents, you know you're adopted and you have this little bit of curiosity of who your birth mom might be and birth dad might be. Um, you did get the opportunity to meet them. And they and your mom is really in your life, which is I mean, so explain that a little bit because I I you brought in some pictures and we can possibly put a few out there for people to see that are that are also listening.

SPEAKER_05 11:50

But yeah, like I said, growing up, there was always the curiosity out there that sometimes and I'm when I'm an adult, I'll you know, reach out and see if I can if I can find them. And when I was 18, I needed to have surgery. And so doctors needed to find out if I was allergic to any anesthesia, any medications, drugs like that. So we needed to find the biological family. So my dad picked up the phone and in a very short time found out through some contacts where who my biological family was. So uh we got what we needed to out of that, but then there was the additional, hey, do you wanna you wanna meet them? We can do it. And I said, yeah, let's let's do it. I uh was eight or I was just about 18 years old, and I think was at a mature enough point in my life that maybe years earlier than that I wouldn't have been. And it was it was more than I thought it was gonna be. Um like I said, when I imagine that I've got a biological family out there, I don't know what that means. I don't know if they're together, if there's other siblings involved, how far away they are, if it's gonna be a meetup one time and then I never see them again. I just didn't know. So to find out that they were uh living in Menow, South Dakota, which was just a couple hours away from Estelhen, where I was growing up, was fantastic. We met in uh Sioux Falls, South Dakota at the country club, and it was it was you mentioned fireworks earlier. It was, it was fireworks, fireworks when we met. Um, I wrote a paper when I was in college at the University of Sioux Falls about this and equated it to you know, when you are getting ready for Christmas and you see the tree there and there's presents under and your name is on it, and you just can't wait the week and a half to to rip it open and see what's inside. I had been waiting for 18 years for that moment. So that day at the at the country club when they walked through those doors, it was like opening a million Christmas presents that I've been waiting years to open.

SPEAKER_03 13:53

Was it as easy as that making the contact? Did it but or did it I understand that there's some legal boundaries there, right? Was it just simply we need this for medical? They said, here's the data. And then just what'd that look like?

SPEAKER_05 14:08

Yeah, I think it might have been that easy. I don't know. I do have because I keep everything, my dad's scratch pad where he wrote down um things about my biological parents. And so through that, through the conversation, I'm not sure how much he went through kind of his context that he knew or how much went through Lutheran social services, but it was it was pretty easy. And that was 20 years ago. So I don't know how much the the privacy rules and any of that has changed, but it was it was pretty easy, which was very fortunate. It wasn't a long drawn-out process for us.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

And so you it wasn't just your mom and dad who walked through the door.

SPEAKER_05 14:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

You had a few uh siblings, more siblings that came through.

SPEAKER_05 14:46

Yeah, I have a full uh biological brother named Macon, and he's eight years younger than me. And then I have two twin half-sisters as well. And they were just shy of one year old when when we met. So, and they all live around in the area. We we hang out frequently. Um and it's it's great seeing them every time is it's fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Something you said to me about your mom, which I just it it really resonated with me of like, wow, because you hear both sides of the story. And what's neat about the two of you is that you have both sides of the story. Like, literally sitting in front of us right now is a mom who was like, you know what, I am too young, and I want to make sure that this baby has a life that is beautiful. And so the selflessness to hand a baby over to another family to raise you was a I mean, that's not a small decision at all. And then Jesse, you also get pregnant at age 16 and you did the opposite where you chose to keep this beautiful baby girl. Yes. So can you go into that a little bit for me?

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Oh um, yeah, I like you said I got pregnant at 16. I um honestly she saved my life. Okay. Um, I was I was headed down a dark path for a few years prior to that. And um if it weren't for her, I can't say that I'd be where I am today. Um choosing to keep her was not, I guess I I don't ever remember really that being a question of am I keeping her or am I not? Okay. And I and I I don't know all the ins and outs of the decision that Reed's mom made. But for me, I think it was an easy choice because I had such an incredible support system. Okay. Um trying not to cry all morning already. Um you know, I I sat down and told my mom she didn't get upset, she didn't yell at me, she cried.

SPEAKER_05 17:07

Um it was basically uh we need to set up an appointment.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Yeah, so the next day then she handed me a printed out list of providers that were in network and said, choose one and make an appointment, and did that, and um yeah, and nine months later had Eliza and she's been a blessing ever since she's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Yeah. Uh Desse, what was it like in school? You know, you hear of teen pregnancies in school, and there's so it it it can be so hard for you as the teen, the teen pregnancy and the rumors and the people talking about you and all the things, or was it not like that for you?

SPEAKER_00 17:52

I think it's That's what I was gonna say. I don't, you know, people are always, you know, when they hear, yeah, I was a mom at 16, that that must have been so hard. I don't remember it being hard. Okay. And and again, I think it was because I had that support system. I had my mom and my grandparents. I I never up until Reed and I met, I never lived more than two miles from my mom or my grandparents. Okay. And they were a tremendous help. They um my mom and my grandparents both watched Eliza for me so that I could graduate with my class. I was able to walk graduation day with my class. And um, I did end up going to an alternative school, so I went like half days and just like eight to one Monday through Thursday. And um, and the people there too, just so supportive. Um still years later went back to thank tea the teachers that I had there for um being so supportive of me and wow, making it so that I helping me succeed. So gosh, I love it. Because I don't know that I would have done it without them.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

So a supportive system, like just wrapping your arms around them, whether they're your family or not, because that we all have choices, we all make choice, we all choose to do certain things, right? And it's like sometimes the outcome can be really, really, really hard, but it was not necessarily for you, right? Which because you had people that just loved on you. I mean, that is that is so special. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

There were friendships that were lost, obviously, because I no longer had the same interests. You know, I was I was in this mom now. I was full-time mom and I'm doing whatever I needed to do to prove to whoever I needed to prove to that this is that I could do this. So we did it.

SPEAKER_03 19:43

It's amazing. When she gave you that list of providers and said you make the call, was that normal for her to put that to put the ball on your lap to let you take care of things? Or was it did that start that day?

SPEAKER_00 19:55

My mom was a single mom. So that um that like independence, I think that was kind of that was the norm for her. Um so it was I mean, I guess I don't I don't know how I'd want to explain that.

SPEAKER_05 20:12

Um she was comfortable with you.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Like she did her work and she she knew that she raised a a strong woman at this point because that's that's what I had become now.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

How many siblings? I have one sister and younger.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

She's older, she's three years older than me. Okay, I had that backwards. So she was already out of the house. So you were she was. My sister went um, she went to a kind of an alternative school as well. She um she struggled a lot in school. So she went and um lived on the other side of the state. And so she was not living at home with us at the time.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

But yeah. So you I just I think back to just you as a cute, just a sweet mom at 16, like um, and your daughter, I mean, if you go full circle now, you are raising her, and then you ended up staying with that individual and had a couple more kids. Is that correct? Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yeah, we had two more, um, Carissa and Daniel. Yeah. And um so we were together for about 13 years after that.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

And that did not work. Thank you, Jesus, because Reed is sitting next to you and you couldn't ask for a more perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's um, you know, because I I had been married previously, and it's so interesting because when you step out of that and you're like, Lord, I know that I deserve something that I don't even know or how to even comprehend it, right? And then you get it, and you almost like, I mean, you look at these two guys and the way that God delivers, because he never ever lets us down, right? Like, and so yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:00

fight and you fight and you fight and you're gonna make it work and then you're like but it's not working like it's not and so to release that now you're a single mom of three little kids how did you how did you handle that Jesse gosh um I I almost think it was empowering for me I lost so much of myself in those 13 years and um now I was I was gonna get it back yeah so um gosh I was not gonna cry um like you said the fight like you fight for so long um and then it was it was trying to overcome the anger that I had for what I lost yeah and I'm I that's still a struggle but but I think that builds an appreciation for what we have now as well having gone through gone through the struggle yeah and Heather you're not you're not celebrating divorce no no what's exciting we don't we don't get that there's a lot to that biblically what you're getting at is that the emotional side of what the release of what you went through afterwards and that's wonderful to regain yourself the the person that God made yeah yeah because you lose a lot of that yeah there's a lot of sacrifice yes so you are correct thank you for and Jesse hadn't hadn't been married before but right but really I mean if she's not gonna say it I am really tried to make it a family with with the same father and and the three kids and and really tried to make it work obviously for years because there's there's a a good age gap between Eliza and Eliza to Carissa Carissa to Daniel there's a good age gap there but it came to a point.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Yeah so Reed um with your three kiddos. Yep there was a moment in your life where you also went through some tough stuff. Yep.

SPEAKER_05 24:11

We don't have to get into that but I do want to talk about the day that the two of you met unless you would like to speak into any of you know yeah it's it's uh somewhat somewhat similar uh three kids they were uh quite a bit closer in age um I think next year they will all be in high school my three boys will have a senior a junior and a freshman of those of just of those three boys so they are close in age and um when it didn't work out uh with their mother and I we we we split up for a while and um kind of went through that and decided eventually to to make it permanent and that was that was tough for all but um we've had good conversations um their mother and I have a good relationship with myself Jesse and her probably even have a better one than than she and I do. But but that has all turned out uh very well now but um it was that was that was tough. Um the drop-offs and pickups and arranging things and see you in two days or five days or a week or whatever our schedule was at the time that's tough. It is um yeah we tried to make it the best that it that it could for for the boys at the time and you know early on it's kind of try to distract them from you know the situation that's going on while they're young. But also hey we have rules and it's not just a free for all around here and we can't have ice cream and jelly beans for dinner every night.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

But we did that ice cream and jelly beans so at the time at the time I had been uh sharing custody so it was kind of a uh 50-50 type of thing so there was a little bit of downtime every once in a while that I had to go out and have the chance to meet someone so we met at the library do you know that's where our first date was did I ever tell you that library is library bar there's a book library bar here in Super Yeah because the day that we went or we we actually officially met at um it was a chamber mixer which was just right across the the interstate and so he asked me if I wanted to hang out for a little bit and that's where we went was the library. So you're sitting you're sitting up in a chair and the chair next to you just happened to be open. And did Jesse not come in and sit right down next to you?

SPEAKER_05 26:37

Is that how it works? Yeah I was I was there I'm gonna tell the version of the story. Alrighty we're seeing there's the reversion apparently up at the bar I was uh at the corner and then my uh brother Ethan and our friend Herschel are sitting on kind of the other end of the corner and we're just talking and I go to the bathroom and come back and this one is sitting right next to me. Give her a quick glance notice the obvious attractiveness and then I continue my side conversation with the guys and they're thinking I'm an idiot like why are you talking to us and they're pushing me to talk to her talk to her and I'm like guys just chill out I'll get to it relax and our friend Herschel who is not afraid to speak his mind comes around the side and starts talking me up talking to Jesse and I'm thoroughly thoroughly embarrassed by it.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Yep so I thought you were gonna tell the version where um you said I came in and scoped out the cutest guy in the bar and then waited for you to go to the bathroom and then came and sat next to you.

SPEAKER_05 27:42

Yeah what she said that's what happened.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

That's her recollection clearly but you hadn't had anything to eat so you were like is a oh no no no no no I was hungry okay okay and he asked me what I was what I was gonna do I was like probably I'm just gonna get something to eat and then go home and he's like well the food here sucks and I'm hungry too and I'm hungry too so we should do you want to go somewhere else and um I didn't know this at the time but he had just eaten there and the food there does not suck. Line number two does not suck no this was just let's go somewhere else. So we did we ended up going to Buffalo Wings. Just the two of us said see you later guys you know like seven minutes after meeting each other went on our first day.

SPEAKER_05 28:26

Didn't know my name I did not know his name were you there with friends Jesse?

SPEAKER_00 28:32

Um no I was supposed to be meeting a friend and her babysitter fell through so but I uh lived out in Colton still so by the time I got to Sioux Falls I'm like I'm already here yeah I'm gonna go get a drink get something to eat and then I'll go home. And then we ended up closing down B dubs.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

That is so fun.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

That is so fun.

SPEAKER_05 28:52

So the way to that we found out about each other's kids uh I had my phone sitting on the table and I got a note notification and I think my background picture was my three boys and it's bright and clear as day and I'm thinking okay she saw that she saw my phone light up right just looked at it and so all right now's the time to get into it.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

So I said hey I have something to tell you kind of big here I have three kids and she said well so do I and I I know a lot of people might have been like all right see you later yeah but that might be a little bit too much but no it a very obvious the the most obvious common ground.

SPEAKER_05 29:34

Yeah not just having kids but to for us each to have three kids.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Yeah yeah so it was pretty apparent and it was like you guys there was an instant connection with the two of you. What I love the most is that you guys have so much joy and regardless of whatever situation that you came from you have this beautiful optimistic like this is great. There's no it was never a bad like because you hear when people separate and have children involved um I actually had Jacob referred to as baggage when I was a single mom. And that was a big old no way. These are the biggest beautiful bless like there's such a blessing and you have come together the two of you and you have like brought your six children together to love each other to love each like this is Reed and this is going to be he's a big part of your life same like you guys just you mingled it together and the expectations from the very beginning were set yeah and beautiful um I don't think that that's a common thing.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Wow and it all happened very quickly too we were in gosh we moved in together less than a year of meeting each other through a series of unfortunate events or a bunch of blessings in disguise however you want to look at it um I ended up needing a place to stay um the furnace broke down in my house in the middle of winter and I obviously couldn't stay there couldn't get it fixed.

SPEAKER_01 31:18

I was you know a single mom working a part-time job um and so he said come on in we have no space but come on in Reed you have such a patriarch um that's something I've always admired from day one of us meeting you are so organized you like if anyone ever picked on anyone that Reed loves Reed would jump in in two seconds and have your back like you just the way that your parents raised you you are so solid like you're just a solid individual and you will go out of your way for anyone and I've always loved that about you being your friend um and then to meet Jesse and just I can't even imagine the the thrill that you had as a man to be able to take care of someone who really has never been taken care of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:15

There was uh a fun awkwardness at times when um even early on when we were dating and sometimes it still happens now she's making supper and I'm kind of looking around what can I help with and she's just pinballing all over doing this pan to over to here cutting this up and then bumps into me because not used to someone else helping there. Yeah. Yeah yeah so what were your biggest parenting revelations coming together after after you guys got married um I think that kids are kids are resilient. I know that we just spoke about moving in together I was living in Sioux Falls so that kind of required um we did a little trial period to begin with where furnace had broken down needed a place to stay and Jesse and and three kids moved in and there was a little bit of worry with that like um the kids all know each other they've hung out but what's it going to be like with sharing bathrooms and cleaning up after each other and they just kind of rolled with it. So um you know allowing kids to put I don't know if purposely put them in tough situations but know that if they are they can be resilient again through explanation and clarification and a lot of love. Learned a lot from that.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Well and I bet from your kids Jesse they were just excited to have maybe a a a really responsible awesome dad figure in their life and you know like it I at your wedding just watching the dynamic between all your children I mean because you guys had your wedding I went I I wasn't even going to go here and I hope we have time for this but your you planned to get married and your date was set right in the beginning of COVID. Yes. So you guys had to like you were ready to get married to do this to have a family all behind one one house and bam COVID hits and you had to scramble and you had everything planned because you're also organized for the wedding and like you were doing all decorations and all the stuff.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

So I made my own wedding cake. Yeah you made your own wedding cake and it was so beautiful it did really yes yeah that like four tier 17 layer cake in the front of the wedding yeah I made that there are pictures from the moving process of this and oh that's ambitious yeah terrifying or stubborn but are you glad you did that?

SPEAKER_03 34:44

Yeah I am it wasn't perfect but like I did that yeah so nice yeah I did all of that it was really good yeah as you've got all these kids at the house you've got a wedding and then this is on top and you're glad you did that. Yeah what I'm sure the people in the audience going are you crazy?

SPEAKER_00 35:02

I might be well you are a little bit why I like that but I love the fact that you just said that like you're glad you did that.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

So that's I think that's something that people need to hear that you can go through that period and it not can be stressful. You can add, you know, do some of those things that make it special.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

Yeah. You probably weren't like in the moment with everything that was going on you're probably like why am I doing this?

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Honestly it was kind of funny because I had to move the cake and I didn't in my head I thought it would be easier to put it together there and move it all in one piece. It probably would have been easier to move it in separate pieces and put it together there. However Eliza my oldest and two friends helped me move the cake and so there's these pictures of me sitting in the back of the car holding this giant spool in the middle of the cake. And while they're you know and then they shut the back hatch and we drive over to the district. So I mean it was fun in the it was stressful yes but it's still like we were laughing about it and in the moment too so you two are so in love that you did not let COVID no stop it which is so I love this because you went through with the wedding you didn't have the big wedding yeah but we have been married two and three years because we have a COVID wedding just everyone heard that it was we have been married for two and three years.

SPEAKER_01 36:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 36:19

Was that a total of the five or where is it where do we I mean yeah we just yeah have more celebrations.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

Yeah so we had a small very intimate outdoor ceremony in his aunt and uncle's backyard um in 2020 because I we weren't gonna let it ruin it for us.

SPEAKER_05 36:37

We you know we were ready we wanted to be married we still kind of like everybody um everybody had their dresses and suits second dress yep and uh she wasn't mad about it either but we still had an outdoor ceremony um we still had a small gathering of of parents I don't know how many 30 people maybe there were were in attendance at this outdoor wedding um we still had a videographer we still had the one thing I wanted at the wedding we had a violinist she still came and played for us um and we did that and and it was a great beautiful day we still had a reception we we both work at Reliya Bank here in in Sioux Falls and the basement is just completely wide open there's nothing down there at all so we we had a nice meal and and used our decorations that some of them that we had planned for the big shindig and and so it and we decorated the whole basement there were lights everywhere strung up and we might have broken a few bulbs trying to hang them up but that's right and we had a we had a dance we had a former coworker was a DJ so you guys everything was we got two weddings I got the small intimate outdoor wedding that I wanted as well as the big party with all the people that we love. That's cool which one were we you guys were at the big one we were at the two well we're at the second one or the first one at the second one yeah why uh is there was it how much I'm losing my words here you said you got the big one that you wanted is it was it also a part of the the you wanted the more public to show off this this relationship what was the what was I mean what was the foundation of that I think so I mean I wanted both I wanted the intimate wedding but I also wanted the big wedding I think yeah I wanted everyone to see like just I don't know to you mean you guys were there to witness our commitment to each other our till negative inclusion of hey you guys we we value you please come and and see this awesome thing that we're doing that's we're valued value us yeah we're valued you're valued yeah we're valued when I got invited I was like wow I didn't I mean I didn't realize we were that cl that close but dang this is awesome because we had I mean if you think back it's like I knew we read just through work stuff and different things but I didn't really know Jesse and I was like the fact that Jesse wants us there is so awesome.

SPEAKER_03 38:59

Do you think it goes back to your past that inclusion? Like you had so you said you had that support system. So that's that's really that's meaningful to you. And oftentimes at a at a wedding or like a baby dedication they talk about you all are how you're here to help hold them accountable. Do you think that was a part of it?

SPEAKER_00 39:20

Yeah I don't think so I think you know we both have big families well I mean he has two families so you know the birth family and his um adopted family and um we have a lot of really close friends.

SPEAKER_05 39:33

Yeah there's been a lot of support too from a lot of people that that we invited. Yeah um you know you you do lose some friendships along the line that happens for anybody as as you get older and people kind of move apart and for whatever reason but um we're busy with with having three kids and and jobs and stuff and for people to oh three for each for each of us to have three kids and and for people to still want to hang out and and be with us and be accepting if we're having to say no we can't you know get get asked up to go out for drinks and dinner and no we can't no we can't no we can't and they you know people eventually still keep asking and yeah yeah but but a lot a lot still still do and so well and then you have friends like us who have four and it's just easier just to be like all right those of us with big big families let's just get together because we know it's it's hard to invite a big family in with someone who's not used to that.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

Some people are like ooh but so the the beautiful part I want to end on is that through everything that y'all have been through I the love that the two of you share is so amazing. And not only that but with the kids. Yes. And so at the wedding at this big wedding her daughter stands up and asks Reed to not only adopt her but all three of your kids so as someone who went through adoption is adopted all the things like what what was going through your mind Reed when she did that um Eliza is never short for words but she's not a hey look at me public type of person.

SPEAKER_02 41:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:18

So she was the maid of honor and she got up there and was doing her speech and was knocking it out of the park and um was kind of shifted over to me and was talking me up a little bit and I thought it was great and that she was going to wrap it up and everybody's gonna clap and that would be it. But she had another little surprise for me.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

So interrupt you but um he in Eliza's speech she talked about um how she didn't didn't really have much of a a father figure growing up I mean he was he was there but he wasn't really emotionally there or physically I guess a lot of the times too but my grandpa was and um my grandpa was like my dad too growing up quite possibly the most influential influential person in my life. And so with that said and Eliza referring to it as well he had some big shoes to fill with with my with my grandpa and so and she touched on that with her with her speech.

SPEAKER_05 42:26

And yeah just kind of goes into um I think you mentioned the word um patriarch referring to me or something similar but I had I had very early um after meeting Jesse and and the family um really saw that with with her grandpa Jim very much so that he was that for the family. Yeah and it was it was not a question he was the man. Yeah and so for sorry for Eliza to even have a half of a percentage comparison of of me to him was that was pretty heavy too. Like I'm getting goosebumps under under my sleeves here thinking about her saying that and the meaning that that carries and you guys and and within that like there is deep seated faith from both sides of your families.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

And so you got to see it taste it witness it be a part of it of having faith in in both of your guys's upbringings and so now within your own family it's like to see how you guys are raising them under the roof under God's protection right so it's like I love how you guys are intertwining all of that because the adoption is final so that all six are yours seven now um but you guys recently called me and I and I'm just I for for the for the amount of um I became a minister and And you're the first people that reached out to me and asked if I would dedicate your sweet little baby, which means the world to me. And then not only that, but I also get to baptize your other one. And so two of your children, I get the honor. Um so thank you for that because it's uh it's not a small deal like that you guys are following this continued um faith life with your kids and making sure that no regardless of anything they've gone through, that they center their world around Christ. And that is really a big deal.

unknown 44:40

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 44:41

And I I think that um, like you said, you and I had a working relationship that was, you know, very partially faith-based. And um before the wedding, hadn't known Jesse too much, more than a few interactions, but there was just something there that it's like we got to invite these guys.

SPEAKER_02 44:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 44:56

We enjoyed hanging out with you, and and um there was there was something there, and it's led us to be in here speaking into these microphones today. And in a few days, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

Yeah, we have a baptism two of our children, our two boys in the home that we've made together. Yeah. And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:15

And all your family will be there to witness it. And gow, it's um, it really is a beautiful story. And I grew up watching the Brady Bunch, and so that was a cool thing that you guys had that video at your wedding with the Brady Bunch and the actual even beginning with this all the squares and people looking at each other. And so if there's a link to that, I would love to put that in the show notes.

SPEAKER_05 45:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:40

Well, I interrupted you with your with this.

SPEAKER_05 45:44

Can we go back in time? Oh, you've got to do that. Yeah. This was a thing, again, this is the the thing that Eliza gave to me during her speech that said, open me. So it's like, okay, I better do it. And then a microphone gets in in front of my mouth, and I don't know what's what's on this card. So I just everybody else is hearing it at the same time that I am. And so it says, Reed, you've been in our lives for quite some time now, and you've showed my siblings and I so much about what it means to be family. Love, support, trust, honesty, protection, and acceptance are the things that make a family, not being genetically related. You came into our lives and loved us unconditionally and chose us every single day, and now we get to choose you. Will you please officially be our dad from this point right now until forever? We love you, dad. Amazing. So for for her to think of this, to do this, to do it in front of 300 plus people, um, she's the queen of sarcasm, and this is the exact opposite of that. This is very um emotional and and came from her heart and soul.

SPEAKER_03 46:50

So what a testimony to choosing life, to adapt to uh the adoption process, to overcoming obstacles, to being a role model to that.

SPEAKER_05 47:02

Yeah. And and she put in her siblings in there too, because she's she was getting close to being 18 years old at the time and you know, having future plans and didn't have to ask that at all. Could have just kept going on as as things happened. And and we yeah, did go through the adoption process and finalized that in March 15th of 2022. So we've already passed the year of it.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

It's it's really beautiful, and you knew, right? Like you had the conversation beforehand.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

Yes, well, so Eliza actually took it upon herself to talk to her siblings first and ask them and make sure they were okay with it. And then she came to me and said, I want to do this. And um, and then she wasn't really sure how she was gonna do it. So she went to all the other bridesmaids too and asked their opinion, and they, you know, kind of helped her figure out what to do. And yeah, it was perfect.

SPEAKER_01 47:57

Um it's really beautiful, you guys. Thank you so much for sharing all that you have today with our audience and with us. You're a blessing to have in our lives. So thank you.

SPEAKER_03 48:09

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SPEAKER_01 48:21

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